My Biggest Fan

Prepare yourselves, I need to gush on my husband for a second—and this isn’t even a Marriage Monday post.

We went to Colorado Springs a couple weekends ago for me to attend the ACFW “Write in the Springs” event with Margie Lawson. (Side note—the event was INCREDIBLE, and I learned a ton, and I’m back at chapter one to continue revising my first manuscript. But it’s okay. Every encounter I’ve had stretches and grows me as a writer, and I love getting to push my craft to be the best it can be.)

Colorado Springs is normally a little over six hours from our house, and we couldn’t leave until after work on Friday evening. And, as luck would have it, we ended up driving through a snow storm on our way up, so our travel time increased, which put us there after midnight.

So I have to gush about two things Howell did over the weekend that blessed my soul.

For one—he came! My rock star hubs got us there safely, and when I arrived at the event on Saturday morning, I was greeted by a table of friendly ladies who first couldn’t believe I’d come from Texas and then couldn’t believe my husband had brought me.

Howell has traveled with me to all of the writer’s conferences I’ve attended over the last four years—not because we’re inseparable (though we do love to travel together) but because he values what I’m trying to do, the vision I have for my writing.

It’s a no-brainer to us, and I forget it’s unusual until I’m confronted with perplexed faces and surprised reactions.

The second “aww-thanks-babe” moment happened while we were at lunch on Sunday. One of my writing mentors lives in Colorado Springs, and I’m grateful she and her hubs are willing to spend time with us when we come. She’s taught me so much about my writing and the industry.

So, we’re sitting at Mimi’s Cafe, and I’m giving an update about semi-finaling in Genesis for Restless Heart, which is a book she knows about, and finaling in First Impressions for Harvesting Love and preparing that second book for a publisher, which she doesn’t know about.

And she asks the question I’m never prepared for—though, I KNOW, I should be: what’s this new book about?

I stumble over words. It’s been so long since my pitch in September. What did I say again?

As I’m mumbling something incoherent, she turns to Howell and says, “You tell me.”

And he did. He gave a great set up of the story and praised it as his favorite one I’ve written.

We’re in the presence of an award-winning, bestselling, multi-published author, and he’s praising me.

Y’all, I can’t tell you what it means to have his support for my dreams.

He pushes me to be better, and he encourages me when I need what I have to be good enough for today.

I don’t know about you, but I’d say that’s priceless.

Friends, if God’s put a dream in your heart, surround yourself with people who will believe in you. And then don’t forget to thank your cheerleaders every now and then.

Thanks, babe. :)

Smells like Skunk

Do you see these two? Don’t they look like angels?

Perfect angels, right?

We all remember Rizzoli’s three near-death experiences, so maybe only one of them fits that description. Unfortunately, even Charlie, “the good kid,” was on my bad list a few weeks ago when both of our dogs got sprayed by a skunk in our backyard.

IN OUR BACKYARD.

They had the creature cornered where he could not escape, and they were not deterred by the stinky smells at all. We’re convinced they got sprayed more than once at close range.

It took about four days to get the smell out of the house—and even still, I swear it lingers in a few places.

We gave the dogs 11 baths (Rizzoli, the lucky one, receiving one more bath than Charlie) with all kinds of home remedies, Pinterest suggestions, old wives tales, and vet-recommended solutions. Nothing helped with the smell—at least not on first application. We did have some success with the de-skunk shampoo the vet’s office sells, but it took three applications each.

Even now, almost two weeks later, I still smell it when Rizzoli shakes her ears, her now-shedding hair flying in the air, and I groan.

What a mess!

The timing was terrible, of course. It initially happened just before bed, on a night when we were already getting in bed late.

I fell into bed at 1:00 a.m., exhausted.

The next day we were leaving town, and I just wanted to give up, to lay down and say, “I can’t do this.”

(For the record, my hubs, as usual, was the rockstar. I think he gave 5 or 6 baths in a short span of a few hours.)

Two days later, the smell wasn’t better—for the dogs or our house. I felt so discouraged.

We’d light candles and spray aromas and bought every imaginable wall plug, but all of that only temporarily masked the smell.

Now that I’ve had some time and space from what really was an unpleasant experience at an inopportune time, I feel like the Lord has used that to speak spiritual truth to my heart.

Y’all, maybe I’ve only been masking the smell, but this has been a challenging six months. I’ve been tested to what feels like my core. My patience. My attitude. My humility. My leadership.

Even my values have been tested.

What’s more important: What God says about me or what people say? Pleasing God or pleasing man?

What’s do I value most: Being recognized, validated, defended, appreciated? Or Being a daughter, accepted and beloved?

It’s been tough, and I’ve seen my flesh on a new level.

I felt like the Lord reminded me that when I try to do this life stuff on my own, it’s like spraying Fabreeze around my house and hoping it will make the smell go away.

Funny, right? Because it’s so foolish.

Only the Holy Spirit can do the real work, the under-the-surface work, where the skunk’s poison resides, where it’s settled and seeped into pores and pockets.

I recently had someone speak a word over me, and he said that I needed to unyoke myself to the things that trouble my heart. Howell told me afterward that he immediately felt like that meant unyoking myself to other people’s opinions of me.

This isn’t new information or a new struggle—of course I shouldn’t care what others think, and I’ve known this is a habit of mine for a while.

But something about that phrase—unyoke yourself—really got my attention.

I always thought of the “do not be yoked” verses as relating to marriage or relationships. But Howell’s exactly right. I’ve yoked myself to what other people think of me rather than yoking myself to the Lord and letting His opinion rule.

If there’s a spiritual smell to being yoked to others’ opinions, I guarantee it’s worse than a skunk.

What about you, friends? Do you struggle with performing, pleasing, striving?

I understand completely! Let’s let Holy do a major detox in our hearts today. 

Unloading the Boat

I recently heard from a sermon Pastor Paul at church, and it’s really been circling my head since. You know how one point in a message can just ring bells in your head? This one has stuck with me. He used the metaphor of a boat to talk about how we handle crisis. Whether we as Christians like to admit it or not, there are times in our lives when things don’t go our way or downright disaster strikes. God doesn’t always intervene to prevent the storm, but He always helps us through it if we have faith and trust Him. The parable is this:

Professional sailors hall cargo. That is their reason in navigating the waters, but when a bad storm comes and their ship is heavy with cargo, they start throwing it overboard. Their cargo is important, but it isn’t worth their lives. They are prepared to do this. When they load their ship, they do so with the thought of unloading it in an emergency. They put the least valuable cargo on top so it can be unloaded first.

When we go through storms in our own lives we need to be prepared to make tough decisions about what we cut. The first thing that pops into my mind when I ponder this is finances, but this also applies to activities and the general clutter of our lives. Often, the things we value in the good times seem superfluous in a crisis. It comes down to needs and wants. If we identify these things now, it can save a lot of stress in an already stressful time.

Many people in today’s world live at the very edge of their means. Whether consciously or unconsciously, they ask themselves, “Can I squeeze one more monthly payment in?” or just don’t think about saving. “That’ll never happen to me.” The reality is that no matter who you are, some type of severe storm will strike. It’s just a matter of when. Are you financially prepared to cut? Do you have savings for a rainy day? Some might say this shows a lack of faith, but scripture would disagree.

Just to cite a couple: 

“The wise store up choice food and olive oil, but fools gulp theirs down.” – Proverbs 21:20.
“The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.” – Proverbs 21:5.

Planning can be beneficial. We can be as full in the area of activities as any, and often, we as Christians dedicate a lot of time and service to our church, our life group, or causes. Our kids can be in many sports and activities and often social lives can take up lots of time. All these things are great, but this life can’t be sustained in crisis. We should also have a plan for what to unload.

It can be difficult to talk about this next one, but it is reality. When you are in a time of crisis, whether it be a natural disaster, a sickness, or something else like a job loss, you find out who your true friends are. I was young, but I remember when my mom had cancer. The amount of prayer and generosity was astounding, but the close friends that fell away were also.  I’ve seen this time and time again with close friends and family. There are people in everyone’s lives that will not stay through the fire. No matter who falls away though, He will always be there for you. He isn’t going away, ever. You may be surprised who He puts in your life during these times too. In every tough situation, true friends are there. 

“…but there is a true friend who sticks closer than a brother.” – Proverbs 18:24.y

Storms will come and blow and push at the foundations of all our lives. He will be there for us, and He will grow us through those times if our house is built on the Rock. The question is, are we prepared? 

I encourage you to think about what areas in your life—finances, activities, relationships—you will unload when storms come.

~Howell
@G2Whubs

Vacations Are Good for Your Marriage

Not too long ago, we blogged about the importance of vacations for your family (click here to read that post). We try to take a big vacation every year—and usually several weekend ones throughout the year—because we believe that vacations are good for your marriage.

Growing up, I always went on family vacations, and last week my sister shared this post from Jen Hatmaker about family vacations in a group text.  As usual, Jenn had me rolling on the floor laughing. My sister and brother and I went back and forth via text remembering those fun times.

Howell and I were on vacation when my sister shared this story, and as I texted with my family about our vacations growing up, I was reminded that my parents were also very intentional about taking their own vacations sans kids.

Howell’s parents did the same, and when we were first married, we said we’d make that a priority. Even though we didn’t have any money, we’d set aside a little bit each month and plan to go somewhere.

We still do that.

And we’ve been to some great places (ten states plus London and the Caribbean)! Over Spring Break, I presented at a conference in Portland, Oregon, and we both took some vacation days to make a trip of it.

We flew into the Bay Area and spent the weekend there. I’d never been to San Francisco, so we got to do all the touristy stuff (Golden Gate, Lombard Street, Pier 39, Full House, etc.).

Then we rented a car and drove up the coast to Brookings, Oregon. The sights were breathtaking—from the redwoods, which really are amazing, to the beach just mere yards from the highway.

We stayed at a little rent house in Brookings that was right on the beach. So peaceful and relaxing. (We decided we want to go back and stay there for a week!)

Then we detoured to Crater Lake before heading to Portland for the conference.

Although we were “on the go” a lot for our vacation, we both commented several times about how peaceful it was to drive together and to be alone and to be disconnected from work and other life responsibilities.

That’s what vacations do. They allow you to re-fuel, refresh, revive.

If you feel challenged to find quality time with your spouse because of life or kids or work, I highly encourage you to save some money and plan a trip with just the two of you.

It’s a worthwhile investment for your marriage! 

When You Need to Be Reminded: Our God is BIG!

First of all, I’d like to give a shout out to my hubs. Today is his birthday. Woot Woot! J (Last year, I wrote a post with my 30 favorite things about him.)

I’d add to that list how grateful I am that he’s always willing to go with me to my conferences. I’ve presented at a few academic conferences over the years, and he hasn’t missed a single one. St. Louis. Pittsburgh. San Antonio. Santa Fe. We’ve been to some fun places.

This last week, he went with me to Portland, where I presented at the ATTW conference.

We made a trip of it (more on that Monday—so stay tuned) and took a few vacation days before the conference to enjoy ourselves on the West Coast.

As the day of my conference approached, I started feeling very anxious. Actually, I’d felt pretty anxious for the weeks leading up to it, but by the time the actual week arrived, I felt like throwing up just thinking about it.

I was uncharacteristically nervous.

I don’t know if it was the enemy or my flesh—maybe both, but my head was full of lies. This conference is small and an elite group of presenters. They only accepted 26% of the proposals this year (and I’ve been on the 74% side three times).

I don’t say that to toot my own horn; I say that because the days leading up the conference I started thinking, “Man, I’m a fraud. I don’t belong on that panel. My research isn’t good enough, isn’t serious enough. I’m not prepared. I’m not enough.”

And on and on and on, to the point where I was physically sick the day before the conference.

That night I finally told Howell all the lies I felt inside. Do you know how much power comes from speaking your fears out loud?

He encouraged me and prayed for me that night, and immediately, the Lord showed me something really cool.

We’d been on our trip for four days at that point, and God started showing me how He’d taken care of us at every little moment along the way.

Our flights were on time.

Our rental car was perfect, which was essential for the 1500 miles we were going to put on it.

He’d kept our car safe and secure while we’d been out the first day (before we checked into the hotel). For some reason, I kept imagining that someone was going to break into our car and steal my laptop and notes while we sat at a restaurant, and I’d have nothing for the conference.

He’d led us to stay in Brookings, Oregon, instead of Crescent City. Brookings turned out to be MUCH nicer, but we didn’t know that til we were driving through Crescent City.

He’d led us to choose the perfect road to Crater Lake, and He’d led us on the perfect week. We later learned that two other roads into the park were closed because of snow, and if we’d have come the week before, we probably wouldn’t have made it because of all the snow they had. But they’d cleared our road, and although we considered taking the other route, we chose the road, by God’s grace, that was open.

He just kept giving me example after example—really recent examples—of how big and how powerful He is.

My conference presentation turned out to be just fine—and when I stopped stressing, I was able to enjoy the experience. By the end of the trip, we had even more cool stories like that!

But I loved that He reminded me, just when I need it:

He takes care of us.

He goes before us.

He’s always with us.

If you feel afraid, if you feel like you’re not enough, if you feel like you’re lacking, I pray that today you’ll be encouraged to see how big your God is.

He fights for you.

He stands with you.

He fills you with all the grace and power and confidence you need.

Five Things I Wish I Had Known as a Newlywed

A couple weeks ago Howell told me the sermon topic at his men’s morning group was “10 things I wish I knew when I was 21.”

We started talking about how that would make a great blog post if we related it to our first year of marriage. So this week, I’ll share five things I wish I had known in our first year of marriage. (In two weeks, Howell will share his five.) 

1. It’s okay for Howell to have friends and need guy time—like hunting or playing basketball. These are good for his soul, and rather than feeling insecure that he wants time alone or time away, I’ve learned to encourage him to do so. 

2. We don't have to be the same. It’s okay that he loads the dishwasher differently or that he doesn’t know what we’re doing five weekends from now, or even that he doesn’t like all my same shows. He doesn’t have to be like me to love me, and if he doesn’t do something like I would, it also doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me.

3. In most arguments, we’re both wrong. I probably didn’t learn to apologize and ask for forgiveness until about year four or five of our marriage. If I was upset, of course my reason was legit—and Howell was wrong. Period. I had to learn that sometimes I need to apologize for getting upset—for overreacting, for being too sensitive, for responding in anger, etc.

4. My response is my responsibility. Most of the time, what Howell said or did was not offensive or hurtful, even if I took it that way. But whether my reason for getting upset was legit, I am always in control of how I respond.

5. Howell's heart for me is good. I wish I had learned to get to Howell’s heart sooner instead of jumping to the constant conclusion that “he did X so he must not love me.” So often I would get my feelings hurt over something he did or said, and it would take a while to calm down and hear that he either didn’t mean it that way or didn’t realize that X decision or statement would cause me to respond the way I did.

**Bonus! I’d tie all this together by saying a common theme in our first year of marriage was insecurity. Most of the time, however I was responding or reacting was based on my level of security. I often doubted Howell’s love for me, and I was quicker to be suspicious that he doesn’t love me than to believe that he did.

But the greatest lesson I learned—and it changed our marriage drastically—was to find true security in the Lord. Howell can’t be my all and everything. At some point, he’ll let me down—and no one wants to live under that kind of pressure anyway.

But if I trust in the Lord to be my source, then I can also learn to trust my husband’s heart toward me, and I can feel secure in our marriage because I feel secure in the Lord.

Friends, if you’re newly married, you might find yourself in conflict often, but you can get to your spouse’s heart and see that he or she loves you; you can find self-control and respond appropriately; and you can find security in the Lord for a healthy marriage.

If you’ve been married a while—what are your lessons? What do you wish you’d known in your first year of marriage?

Child-like Wonder

On Saturday, we went to visit my nephews for the afternoon and evening. Canyon is a few months shy of turning three. I know I’m always saying, “This stage is my favorite,” but y’all, for real—THIS STAGE IS MY FAVORITE!

His vocabulary is exploding. Every time I’m around him, I’m constantly amazed at the number of new words he knows and sentences he can form.

And he’s so fun to play with. Definitely a first-born, he bosses Howell and me around, telling us where to sit and what toy to play with.

As I reach two steps into the kitchen to grab Case’s blanket, I’m immediately told, “Lala, sit down! Come here. Sit here!”

“Yes, Sir.” :)

(Shortly after I grabbed the blanket for Case... LOL!)
Sweet Case is a good sport with his brother's active imagination

My sister bought Canyon a kite last week. He’d seen one somewhere or on some show, and he’d been asking to fly a kite.

Lucky for him, his Uncle Howell is quite skilled at kite flying.

(My sister and I are not, and we decided that’s another thing that falls into the category of “things we didn't do as kids.” Other items in that category include fairs and circuses. LOL!)

So, we all go outside to watch Canyon experience his first kite—and y’all, I could’ve cried.

The joy on his face. Pure joy and wonder.

There’s no other way to describe it.

I thought, Oh to be a child. To be almost-three and experiencing everything like it’s new.

New words. New phrases. New games.

Everything, every day is something new to him.

And I felt like the Lord reminded me of Mark 10:15—and what it means to have child-like faith.

Jesus says to His disciples, “Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.”

This face—this look of joy and wonder and eager desire to experience—this is what Jesus means; this is what receiving the kingdom like a child looks like.

This week, my friends, let’s boldly approach the throne. Let’s wonder at the beauty of our Savior like we’ve never seen Him before. Let’s marvel at the Holy Spirit and eagerly experience all that He has for us.

Let’s stifle nothing. Let’s let go, with reckless abandon, and pursue our Heavenly Dad and His Kingdom. 

Husbands: Does Your Wife Feel Honored?

A lot of talk goes around “Wives Honoring Husbands” in Christian circles today. Laura recently mentioned 1 Peter 3:7 in a blog post and that got me to thinking. We husbands need to think about honoring our wives too. Peter said to “honor the woman as the weaker vessel…” What does that mean? Well, it really means a few things.

First, it means we are to be a provider for our family.  Some people are going to say, “Whoa! That guy is a chauvinist,” but hear me out. It doesn’t always mean monetarily. I know several couples where the wife is the primary financial provider and that works for them. I always joke with Laura that when she has that first best seller, I’m retiring and becoming her “manager.” The husband does need to provide several things that only he can provide though: spiritual authority, headship over the household, and a covering of prayer over the family.

Honoring your wife means helping her. I could put that sentence in font size 42. The first way that I spot a healthy marriage is not public affection or friendship; it’s a helping husband. So many couples divide up the household and parenting duties and never cross over. Dividing up duties is okay, even essential to a point, but we all need help sometimes. If you and your wife never fold laundry, put up dishes, or clean the house together, there might be a problem.

Finally, honoring your wife means publicly acknowledging her awesomeness. Guys, you know she’s pretty great and in very specific, unique ways. Make sure people know it. She is your teammate in the game of life. She is in the trenches, fighting to raise these hooligans into mature, functioning adults with you. She needs to know that you think she’s great, and not just in private. Men who put their wives down in public or don’t show any public admiration for their wives are sending bad or mixed messages. Show the world you love her. It’s as easy as saying, “Isn’t she great?”

I pray that your marriage is honoring on both sides. When both of you honor each other, both of you will want to make the effort to have a great marriage. Both Peter and Paul spoke about this when they discussed marriage. Honor is imperative for an extraordinary marriage.

~Howell

@G2WHubs

It's Okay: Ask for Help!

Last week, I had to go to the store after work—and then Howell went with me again after I got home because of an important item I’d forgotten in my hasty visit.

I’d spent hardly any time at home between grocery store one and grocery store two. We had dinner plans after that, so we jumped from one place to the other.

We didn’t get home until after 9:00 p.m., and I still needed to make sausage balls for a work event the following day.

As we were leaving dinner, I grabbed Howell’s hand and said, “I need help!” J

Y’all. I know I say it a lot, but my husband is the best.

We got home, and he pulled out the mixing bowls while I pulled out the ingredients, and we stood—side by side—rolling 100 sausage balls.

I finished in probably half the time it would have taken me (rolling takes the most time, really), and I was grateful for his help.

That got me thinking: remember when I said that our husbands want to help; we need only ask them?

Sometimes I don’t even realize I’m trying to do it all until I’ve completely worn myself out.

Any time I ask Howell to help me with something (“Can you pick up the dry cleaning?” “Can you run to the store on your way home?” “Can you do…?”), he’s always happy to do so.

The problem is, I forget to ASK FOR HELP.

Can anyone relate?

Wives, we weren’t meant to shoulder all the weight.  

Although 1 Peter 3:7 is addressing what husbands should do, I love what Julie, our pastor's wife, pointed out last week at the women's event. She said, the Bible calls US the WEAKER vessel. It's okay. Get over it. Accept it. Be happy about it.

#Truth 

Sometimes I'm so busy trying to be strong, that I forget it's okay to be weak. Not only does the Lord tell us that when we're weak, He's strong, but also He gave us husbands who are strong for us. 

Culture tells women to be independent--not in need of a man. I’m all for empowering women from subjugation, but in marriage, that still must be balanced with biblical truth.

And the truth is, we were made to be a helpmate for our husbands, and our husbands are to lead and cover us.

If you feel overwhelmed today, ask your husband for help—or ask him to help you say no if there’s too much on your plate. Let him lead you—and let him share the weight. He is strong and able, I promise. 

When Selling a Bed Becomes a Lesson in Patience

This weekend, I experienced my first attempt at selling something through an online Facebook garage sale page. I posted an extra full-sized wrought iron bed we needed to get rid of, and within ten minutes, I had more than one offer.

The first offers that came in were for slightly less than my asking price. Not by much—but a little less. I debated for two hours—literally—whether to settle or wait.

My husband, who is always the voice of reason, calmly shrugged and said, “Babe, it’s been like an hour. Just wait and see what you have tomorrow.”

Good advice, right?

Yeah… But I’m impatient, and sometimes everything feels urgent—even when it’s not an urgent thing at all.

I waited a little longer (and by little, I mean maybe 30 more minutes). Then I accepted the first person who offered, albeit at a reduced priced.

Of course, not 15 minutes after I settled, I had three more offers—for full price. By the time I went to bed, I was getting messages from two different people, begging for the bed. (I’m not even joking!) By the next morning (not even 24 hours later), I had 14 offers on it.

But I felt like I had to honor my original ‘Yes,’ and on Tuesday, an excited single-mom came and picked up the bed and mattresses.

I knew I did the right thing, but I also felt a little miffed. If only I had waited…

I don’t write this to self-deprecate or condemn myself, but the truth is, I wonder sometimes whether I rob myself of God’s fullest blessings because I get impatient.

I’m reminded of the old sermon story of the boy who throws a fit in Walmart, begging for the $150 bike. His parents hold their ground and seem like the worst parents ever—except that they already bought him a $300 bike for his birthday next week.

They know what he doesn’t know.

God always knows, too.

If I had a spiritual resume of my greatest traits and qualities, patience would not be on it. Intercessor, maybe. Worshiper, Giver—sure.

But patient, submitted, willing to release control—nope. None of those.

I know God’s not mad at me—nor does he punish me or withhold blessing from me. He’s a good Father, and He probably spends a lot of time whispering, “Hey, dear, I have a better blessing for you if you’ll wait it out.”

I’m not trying to over-spiritualize here either. It’s just as possible that God’s best plan was for the single-mom to get the bed at the reduced rate. Maybe my impatience wasn’t about me; maybe it was always about her blessing.

But either way, I’m reminded this week that I need to surrender control, be patient, let go of those things that really aren’t urgent (which, by the way, is pretty much everything!), and submit my heart to my Father’s heart.

If I can just slow down, just for a second, I might hear Him whisper.

Friends, do any of you struggle with that impatient spirit—where everything feels urgent? Do you struggle to wait on God’s timing?

I’d love to hear any advice you have to offer! 

Click to Share: When Selling a Bed Becomes a Lesson in Patience.  

When you find your nest empty...

Today, I’m writing about an area of marriage that I’ve personally never dealt with, but someday will. This may sound like I’m relaying advice that you may think I’m not qualified to speak about. I’m not, but my sources are, and I trust them because I’ve seen their success.

Recently, I had two work friends dealing with the same marital problem, and it awakened me to make sure that I don’t see this same issue in my own marriage down the road. As they reach their middle years, their kids are graduating high school and leaving home or are close to it. They look at their spouse or their spouse looks at them, and they suddenly realize that they don’t know this person.

They say, “Where is the man/woman I married?” “Who have they become?” “Do I even love this person they’ve become?”

In one example, the husband works all the time. He’s out of town a lot and doesn’t have a lot of energy when he is home. In the other example, both spouses work. Both couples have kids that have had lots of activities over the years. They’ve been busy for 20+ years and haven’t had a chance to take a breath. Sound familiar? Now that their kids are starting to leave, and they aren’t so busy, they realize they don’t know each other.

First, if you are in this situation, there is certainly hope. Lots of it, actually. I recommend counseling for any long term or major marital problems. Find someone who is a Christian and is supportive of both of you. Also, bring the issue out in the open. Talk about it plainly, but make it clear that you want this to work and you love your spouse. Divorce shouldn’t be an option.

One of the couples that inspired me to write this just took a long vacation together. In many cases, just spending time enjoying each other will remind you of what this is all about.

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." ~ Mignon McLaughlin

Second, if you aren’t there yet, work on your relationship now. Tyke and Connie Dipprey shared with Laura and I that they intentionally made the decision to not grow apart as their kids aged. As their friends struggled, they were closer than ever. Today, they are happy empty nesters that love each other very much. We are so thankful for their advice that caused us to think about this, years ago!

Other couples we know have taken vacations together over the years. Letting the kids stay at their grandparents while Mom and Dad are somewhere nice is fun for everyone. One friend even told me that he has a standing date night with his wife every other Friday. What I’m saying is, you have to be intentional about spending time with your spouse.

Sadly, one of the couples I mentioned at the beginning of this post didn’t make it. Honestly, with some effort, I believe they could have. Marriage is work, even if it’s the best work ever. The other couple is doing great. It is my goal to make sure that Laura and I are closer than ever when that day comes. I hope this is your goal too.

~Howell
@G2WHubs

Faithful in the Battles

I'm recycling a post this week from 2009. I rarely recycle posts, but I was looking through my blog for something else, and I stumbled on this oldie-but-goodie.

Although the battles described here are now 7 years old and seem like so long ago, I felt encouraged by the reminder that God does fight for me!

Hope you'll be encouraged too:

I've been reading through Deuteronomy, and the shortened version of the Israelite's' story. Already, the Lord has made so many applications relevant in my own life. In Chapter 2, the Lord raises up a new generation to begin moving in the direction of the Promised Land. The first step in that direction is a battle. If you read in verses 30-31, it states that God hardened the king's heart, causing the battle. It's possible that the Israelites could have peaceably passed through, or that the King of Sihon would have just let them pass, as the kings did in Seir and Ar. 

But God needed to begin to lay a foundation of faith in their hearts that 1) There will be many battles, and 2) that God will fight for them. Of course, the older generation knew this from Egypt--but God was laying a new foundation of faith in these Israelites' hearts that wasn't just about what He did then, but what He could do now.

Sometimes God makes the path more difficult and causes a battle, in order to show us a greater victory.

In Chapter 3, God builds on their victory in Sihon to fight a greater battle: not just a city, but an entire Kingdom--Bashan. Sihon was baby steps of faith building to a greater battle, just as Bashanwill be baby steps to the greater battle that is Jerricho and beyond into the Promised Land. And each step along the way, God reminds them gently, "Remember, I fight for you." 

In Chapter 4, Moses pauses to remind them to keep these works of God hidden in their hearts, that they don't forget what He's done and depart from Him. Though Moses predicts that the Israelites will one day disobey and forget--and be scattered--God, in his mercy, will take them back when they begin to seek Him again.

In my own life, I think about all the mini financial battles the Lord has brought us through this year--just to show that He fights for us, and He is faithful. In January, we thought we'd owe $1500 from Howell's wreck, but God took care of it. In February, we unexpectedly owed $1600. And God provided. In March, I went to Pennsylvania, which costs us another $1500 in flights and hotels. But God provided again. All the while, we were trying to save money to buy a house--yet these expenses we hadn't anticipated kept coming up.

But in May, God had doubled our savings, in a way we can't explain--just to say that He did it.

In June, we found a house, and we prayed for the Lord to provide our closing costs, and He did. In July, we closed on our FIRST home--and all the extra money we thought we'd put into savings that month was nearly spent on other factors. In August, we thought we were ready to finally start saving again, when we received heart-breaking news--the greatest test of all--that we owed $6000 to Howell's company (they'd been taking the wrong amount out of his checks), and that we'd be losing nearly half his paycheck each month.

We cried out to the Lord and told Him we weren't prepared. We panicked and worried about how we'd make it. We tried to "fix it" ourselves, by taking me off Howell’s insurance to cut out $500/mo in expenses. But God had a plan and a purpose. And in September, He miraculously provided the money we needed--yes, all $6000 (that in itself is another cool story! :)). And He allowed me to get back on Howell's insurance (after the enrollment period), despite the strain it will place on our budget, because He wanted to be the one who fights our battles.

And even though this month, Howell will only receive 1/3 of his paycheck, to cover these insurance costs, God has already caused our bank accounts to be filled and our needs to be met. You see, when we are faithful to tithe and to give above the tithe to ministries He puts in our heart, to the point that we begin to say, "God it's not our money, but yours," He is faithful to return to us tenfold what we need. Like the Israelites, God used this whole year--nearly 10 months now--to bring us into a new battle.

And each time, He showed us, "It is I who fight for you."

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When Love Looks Like Sacrifice

Sometimes love looks like sacrifice…

Like when my husband lets me listen to Celine Dion’s Christmas album year-round. It’s April, and I’m jammin’ to “Christmas Eve” on a road trip, and he doesn’t care.

Like when we listen to Celine’s station on Pandora for six hours while scrubbing the glue from our soon-to-be stained concrete floor in preparation for our attendance at her concert in Vegas—my thirtieth birthday present.

It’s healthy for your marriage when you each have different interests and hobbies—but it’s also good for you to support each other, even when it’s not “your thing.” That’s love.

If your spouse likes to golf, for example—join him or her on the range. Even if you don’t play, you can sit and watch or ride in the cart.

If your spouse likes to run 10Ks, but you don’t—show up at a race with your water and sign and cheer him or her on.

If your spouse likes to shop—it won’t kill you to hold bags and offer an opinion for a few hours on a Saturday.

Your company is what matters. Too often married couples end up leading separate lives because they resort to, “Well, that’s her thing” or “That’s his thing.” Why can’t it be our thing—even if one of us is only a spectator?

Celine has long been iconic in my house. I grew up knowing all her songs, singing full-fledged living room concerts with my sister and Tomi. We sang “That’s the Way It Is” or “Because You Loved Me” or “Love Can Move Mountains” when a member of our family needed cheering up.

Y’all, we had fake microphones and choreographed dance moves and all. It was a thing.

To see Celine was on my bucket list—not necessarily Howell’s. But he gave me this present and thoroughly enjoyed himself the whole time.

In fact, he said, and I quote, “That was better than I expected.” Ha! :) 

Having different interests is perfectly healthy—and time apart to do your thing is good, too. But guard your marriage against the separate syndrome!

Show your support when you can—even if it requires sacrifice. Your spouse will be so grateful! 

p.s. Although Vegas is definitely not our kind of place, the Celine Dion concert was everything I hoped for and more! She performed beautifully! :) 

Click to Tweet: How can you support your spouse's 'thing'? @Grace2Write shares when love looks like sacrifice. #MarriageMonday

Getting Back on That Horse!

Last week, Howell and I vacationed in Colorado to celebrate our birthdays. We both turn 30 this year (Howell turned 30 Monday), and we wanted to do something fun to commemorate the year!

We stayed at an all-inclusive ranch resort where we were pampered by excellent staff for three meals a day and where we could do all the activities we wanted from snowshoeing to backcountry skiing to horseback riding (and more!).

We were so active on our trip that we came home sore (Ha!), but we loved it!

Some of you may or may not know that I had an accident on a horse in 2008—just a few short months before my wedding. It was not my first time to fall off a horse—not even my second or third—but it was pretty significant, significant enough that I feared riding horses, which I never had before.

I won’t go into the details (they’re not really important for this post), but the short version is that I blacked out before I hit the ground, so I landed on my face.  My jaw was moved, my teeth were affected, my brain had a little swelling (thankfully, nothing damaging ;)), and my face was all banged up for weeks, if not months. I was trying on wedding dresses with a black-and-blue face and one eye swollen shut—what a moment to feel pretty. J

The thing is, I grew up around horses. My grandmother had a horse that I rode all the time, and I grew up with friends with horses that I rode. I know how to saddle a horse, handle a horse, and clean a horse after riding.

But after that accident, I was too scared to ride. I attempted to get on my mom’s horse a few years ago, but I only rode him for maybe 5 minutes before I felt scared and got off.

Then last week, while we were in Colorado, I had the chance to “get back on that horse”—and I really wanted to try. I wasn’t sure if I would ride, but I wanted to see how I felt.

And…

It felt great. I wasn’t scared. It felt natural again—and we had a good afternoon (despite the freezing cold temperatures and blowing blizzard snow!).

So, why am I talking about riding horses?

Well, the Lord reminded me of my experience this morning while also reminding me of Proverbs 24:16—that a righteous man falls seven times and rises again.

I was really rude to Howell one day last week. It wasn’t anything overly dramatic; I was tired and grouchy and ended up saying something rude and sarcastic. But, although he forgave me, I’ve had a hard time letting it go.

This morning the Lord reminded me that my new nature is righteous. That’s who I am. It’s as it should be between me and Him.

It’s not that the righteous man doesn’t fall. In fact, he may even fall seven times.

But he doesn’t stay down.

I remember having it presented to me like this: you can know whether you believe you’re righteous, whether you believe everything is as it should be between you and God, based on how long it takes you to forgive yourself when you mess up. If you feel like you have to wallow in pity, or do penance, or do more to earn favor again—then you’re not believing you’re righteous.

Jesus paid it all.

As simple and basic as that truth is—one that I’ve heard a thousand times, I’ve learned this week that I still have this feeling that if I misbehave God will be mad at me; if something happens that I didn’t want or ask for, then God must have ill-intentions toward me.

He so gently whispered to me this morning—Get back up.

I am good and always loving. My intentions toward you are good. The thoughts I think toward you are never evil—never ill-intentioned. You can trust my heart—it’s full of love for you; it wants good things for you.

Isn’t it great that we serve an all-loving God? 

Do you ever have a hard time believing it? 

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A Tribute to Howell for His 30th Birthday!

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways…

Prepare yourselves, this post will gush—a lot. Howell turns 30 on Monday, and I wanted to honor him today with my 30 favorites.

1. That he pursued me even when I was coy, cold, or flat out rude. It's truly God's grace! (And that he pursues me still today--with flowers, and sweet notes, and FaceTime when we're apart.)

2. That he embodies patience—all.the.time. I can’t wait to see him with our children. He is an amazing example of what it means to imitate God’s “slow to anger” characteristic.

3. That he prays for me every night.

4. That he likes to travel. We have so many great memories from London to the Caribbean to San Diego and all over Texas and New Mexico.

5. That he makes the coffee every morning. I know coffee pots are simple, but seriously, y'all--I just can't do it!

6. That he puts the dishes away after I run the dishwasher and that he does the laundry on days that I can’t and takes out the trash without me asking—not because he has to but because he loves me, and he knows it’s one less thing for me to do.

7. That he helps me clean house frantically every Wednesday as we get ready for life group.

8. That he snuggles with me every night.

9. That he keeps his beard because he knows how much I love it—and how handsome I think he looks with it.

10. That he supports my dreams. He created a One Note after the ACFW conference for what “we” need to do on this road to publishing—not to mention the endless hours he sat by me as I read (or wrote papers) for grad school.

11. That he holds my hand—when we're riding in the car, as we walk into the grocery store, when we sit on the couch. I never get tired of his hand in mine.

12. That he loves to worship—raising his hands, lifting his voice.

13. That he loves to read and learn as much as I do.

14. That he serves and is a leader at church.

15. That he loves to give money to others. He is an incredibly generous man!

16. That he sends me bitmojis of his adorable bitmoji-self that make me laugh or smile.

17. That he takes me to Sonic at 10:30 p.m. in our p.j.s because I’m craving a peanut butter fudge shake.

18. That he loves my family and my best amiga as much as I do.

19. That he pushes me to be the best version of myself I can be.

20. That he has a complicated spreadsheet for our finances (complete with our “net worth” and “liabilities” and “liquid assets”) that is titled and saved as “Stewardship of His Money.”

21. That he makes me laugh until I cry with his sarcasm, his one-liners, and his silliness.

22. That he lets me have the last bite, the last piece, the last sip—he always puts me first.

23. That he reads everything I ever write and offers his help.

24. That he knows me and sees me and loves me still.

25. That he stays up with me to watch Downton Abbey on a work night when I know he is tired.

26. That he builds me fires—and spends hours cutting wood for our future fires.

27. That he leads me and is always a rock of stability—if I feel uncertain or need direction, I can trust his leadership and gladly submit to him because I know he has my best interest at heart.

28. That he brings me Sonic cherry limeades or coffee or lunch when I’m at work just to see me and say hello and steal a kiss.

29. That he believes God for the future of our family—some days, his faith carries me.

30. That he loves and honors God with all that he does.

I’ve said before that I feel so lucky to be married to Howell, and I know, I know—our marriage functions well because of our commitment to communicate and forgive.

But some days, I really just feel lucky—to be the girl that got everything she could have imagined and more.

I think about the young man who brought me Starbucks after my Medieval Lit class when I know he only had $20 in his account.

I think about the man who wooed me relentlessly and ruthlessly and proved to me that faithfulness and loyalty still exist.

I know the movies are false—that marriage isn’t always a fairytale.

But sometimes it really is. And it’s not the stuff of fairytales necessarily, but it’s surreal and supernatural—and I consider myself blessed beyond words.

Happy birthday to the greatest gift God ever gave me.

Happy birthday to my forever partner and best friend and soul connection.

I am eternally thankful for your birth, and I can’t imagine my world without you in it.

I love you, babe—with all my heart!

Happy 30th!