When it doesn't feel okay...

I have had this quote running through my head for weeks: “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” 

If it’s not okay, IT’S NOT THE END.

I am a sucker for happy endings. I like it when the guy and girl get together. When the family is reunited. When the team wins. When the hero succeeds and the enemy is defeated.

I love it all.

Sometimes the sad ending is the realistic one—but I’ve been thinking lately, even if it’s sad, it’s not over; it’s not the end. There’s tomorrow, there’s next year, there’s another season, another chance. Even in the face of death, there’s life for those who remain.

Isn’t that the truth of God’s redemptive story for us?

We have hope—always—because it’s not the end. And when it is the end, it’s going to be good, victorious, glorious.

That’s why His hope never disappoints (Rom 5:8), why it is an anchor for our soul (Heb. 6:19)—both sure and steadfast.

The other day, I feel like the Lord reminded me that anyone who is destined for greatness must have a good story. And any good story requires an obstacle, a conflict, an unfulfilled dream.

Maybe you need to hear that today. You’re destined for greatness in God’s kingdom—and He’s writing a good story in your life.

How can we be sure?

Because God’s word is true, and He’s promised His plans for us are good—to give us a hope and a future (Jer. 29:11).

What’s your obstacle right now? Whatever it is, it’s not permanent. 

Take heart, my friend, if you’re struggling today. It’s only for a season, a chapter, a section, a volume—but it’s not forever, and it’s not the end.

The Power of Two

In Ecclesiastes 4, Solomon writes,

Two are better than one,

because they have a good reward for their labor.

For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.

But woe to him who is alone when he falls,

for he has no one to help him up.

Again, if two lie down together,

they will keep warm;

but how can one be warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered by another,

two can withstand him.

A threefold cord is not quickly broken.

I have long believed that the enemy attacks marriages because he knows the power of two.

Two have a good reward for their labor.

Two can lift each other up.

Two can keep warm together.

Two can withstand the enemy.

You put God in the center of that marriage, and you’ve got a threefold cord—the kind that ties down massive ships or anchors airplanes. Solid. Sturdy. Strong. 

My favorite part of Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 is the verse that if one falls, the other is there to lift him up. What a beautiful picture. I can look back at seasons of my life where Howell has stood in the gap for me spiritually, and I thank God I didn’t have to fall by myself or stay down with no one to lift me up and point me back to Jesus.

The enemy is no dummy. He knows how powerful a couple can be in His kingdom, which is why he works so hard to destroy our marriages.

So this is what’s on my heart, married friends:

1. Be grateful for two. You’re not alone. God has given you a partner in life—and if, for whatever reason, there’s a tear in your rope, do all that’s in your power to mend it. You need each other. God designed us this way. Your spouse is a gift. So if you feel alone, if you’re feel like you’re doing it all by yourself, ask God to change your hearts and to restore the relationship so that you can work together.

2. Protect the cord. Whether we’re talking about a big expense or a parenting decision, you've got to be on the same page. Don’t let something or someone wedge itself between you and your spouse. Be a team. The enemy wants to divide. Don’t give him the victory in your marriage—whether it’s a small skirmish or a giant battle. Pray for God to give you a unified heart and vision because you’re stronger together.

3. Fight the enemy. The beauty of two is they can withstand the enemy. One alone may be overpowered, but not two. Be proactive in spiritual warfare. Pray over your husband or wife on a daily basis. It’s hard to have unforgiveness or bitterness in your heart when you’re lifting your spouse up in prayer. We need to be aware and alert to guard our marriages by being actively engaged in resisting the enemy. He only has the authority we give over to him. Ours is the victory.

I pray you’ll be encouraged to appreciate the value of two—and if you’re struggling to see that value, reach out to someone and be honest. Don’t stay in the dark. Seek wise counsel. The enemy wants to keep us silent about marriage struggles, but sometimes you have to verbalize them to bring about freedom. Decide today that you’ll fight for your marriage.

He's in the Waiting

“Take courage, my heart. Stay steadfast, my soul. He’s in the waiting.”

What a powerful chorus. This song—"Take Courage" by Kristene Di Marco—stays on repeat in my house, in my car.

We’re in a season of waiting. Still.

Seven years and counting. That's how long we’ve been eagerly seeking Him for children, for the greatest desire of our heart. In almost ten years of marriage, 70% of that time has passed with hope deferred. 80 months of delayed answers, of no, not this time, not yet.

The Lord’s word to me this year is Anticipation.

Wait. Hope. Expect. Anticipate.

I’m reminded of the verse He gave me a long time ago: “Those who wait/hope/trust/expect in the Lord will not be disappointed.”

If ever I feel disappointed, my trust has moved to something else, a false hope, a wrong expectation.

“But those who wait on the Lord…”

“He is actively working on behalf of those who wait on Him.”

I feel like I’m in a holding pattern, suspended but on the brink of a new season. I can feel it. I anticipate it.

Holding my breath, as I wait…

For doors to open,

For dreams to happen,

For promises to be answered.

In the last seven years, what I’ve found is captured so well in this song. When I want to forget, when I doubt, when it feels too long, too impossible: He’s in the waiting.

The song says, “Take Courage,” the very words Jesus spoke to His disciples in Matthew 14 when the storm came, and they feared for their lives.

A little while earlier, Jesus had sent them ahead of himself. And now, maybe they feel abandoned. John 6 says, “It was near dark, and Jesus had not yet come.”

Ever feel that way?

But then, there He is. Walking on the water.

Take courage, He says.

Because He knew. He always knows the outcome.

In this moment, the disciples have the opportunity to witness a miracle, a glimpse of His power.

In this moment, Peter has the chance to go deeper in His faith.

All the events culminate to the here, the now.

Yes, there’s a storm. Yes, Jesus had not yet come, and now they feel abandoned.

But it’s like He says, Take courage. Here I am. And I’m giving you something rare and powerful, an experience, an encounter you won’t forget.

Though we face unknowns, though our hearts are full of anticipation, I sense it even now:

He’s here. He knows. He’s got a spectacular story for us. 

For you.

I don't know what your heart longs for, my friend. I don't know how long you've been waiting. But I do know this, our God is a good Father, our Jesus is never delayed, and our Holy Spirit is present, full of power and comfort and grace. 

“Take courage, my heart. Stay steadfast, my soul. He’s in the waiting.”

In Plain Sight

I like to think I’m the sort of person who pays attention to small details. If a frame in my house is moved ever so slightly, I will notice it—and adjust it.

But last week, I realized I’m not as observant as I imagine. I take the same route to work and home every day. It’s about a five-minute drive, and I do it four times every day—morning to work, home for lunch, back to work, and home at night.

So every day I pass the same buildings, signs, streets. One of those days, I needed to stop by the ATM to get some cash on my way home from work.

No big deal, right?

I pulled into the turning lane, turned left, and was about to turn into the parking lot of my bank before I realized THE BUILDING WAS GONE. Completely leveled.

When I got home, I asked Howell about it, and he said they’d done that three days ago. THREE DAYS!? I’d driven by this piece of property a dozen times without realizing it was no longer there.

A couple weeks ago, I had the privilege of hearing Stasi Eldredge speak at our church’s Life Giving Saturday. She talked about spiritual warfare and the enemy we face, who seeks to devour us.

In John 10:10, Jesus says “The enemy has come to steal, kill, and destroy, but I came that you might have life abundantly.”

Jesus wants us to have an abundant, full life—but that LIFE is going to be opposed! Sometimes, she said, we get so down on ourselves, believing lies, or we get down because of circumstances without even realizing we’re being opposed by the enemy.

We just accept it as normal, everyday life instead of walking with our armor on, instead of walking in freedom.

The Lord reminded me of that as I laughed at myself for days over the demolished building I’d missed. While I can be so attentive to details sometimes, I can also be blind to the schemes of the enemy.

And it’s usually when I’m not paying attention—when life gets busy or relationships get hard or I get run down—that I forget to battle.

I start believing lies instead of speaking truth. Lies about myself—that I’m not enough or don’t measure up. Or lies about my Heavenly Dad—that He’s not really good or He’s holding out on me.

But the Lord has called us to stand firm and to fight the good fight of faith. Every day. Every hour. Every moment.

How about you, my friends?

Jesus already has our victory. We are more than overcomers! Let’s get our armor on.

Resilient Faith

We often write about what it takes to have a great marriage, how to maintain or strive for it. If you’re reading this, you might be thinking, “That’s great, but we are a long way from a great marriage.” I’m here to encourage you, my friend. No, it’s not easy, and your marriage might feel pretty terrible right now, for whatever reason.  Working on your marriage will be challenging. Anything worth fighting for usually is. Our spouse is the one we love the most but also hurt the most.

It doesn’t happen overnight. Good choices stacked on good choices take time to add up to healing, and God still has the biggest part in it. He is for you, though, and He gave you an incredible tool to keep going: faith. Faith? Really? It seems basic. You hear about it everywhere, and there has to be a more complicated explanation. Let’s dive deeper.

To build toward a happier relationship, it will take time. Tough times require resilience and faith produces resilience. 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 says “We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but we are never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.” Feeling despair?  Or crushed? God has faith for that.

Hebrews 11:1 says that faith is the substance of things hoped for. How do we have faith? We trust in Him. When we consciously decide to trust in God for something, He gives us faith. He gives us hope, and He gives us strength. If you’ve ever been hurt, you know trust is not easy. Know this, though: He is good, and He has good things for both of you. Decide to believe it; say it out loud over and over again. Be tenacious. Don’t stop. He will supply you with resilience when you think you can’t do it anymore. He loves both of you more than you can imagine, and He wants to supply the needs of your marriage.

~Howell
@G2WHubs

When the Rain Comes...

We had several days of rain last week, often at random intervals of the day. I found myself carrying my umbrella at all times—even when it wasn’t raining. I’d carry it to work in the morning, and then again to my car for lunch, and then back to work after lunch, and back to my car at the end of the day.

Sometimes I’d get to work and need it for the quick walk inside—or I’d need it for the walk from the office to my car. 

But most of the time, I was carrying an umbrella without a drop of moisture coming down.

I felt a little silly about it, but I kept thinking I didn’t want to get caught in a downpour without the coverage. That’s happened to me on multiple occasions. Better to be prepared than not, right? 

Our spiritual life can be like that.

It’s not always raining. Sometimes there’s no warning for an impending downpour. But don’t you want to be ready when it comes?

Psalm 119 is one of my favorite chapters in the Bible because it’s shares the writer’s love for God’s word—knowing, obeying, hiding, seeking, declaring, and trusting in His word.

Some of my favorites:

11 I have stored up your word in my heart,
that I might not sin against you.

49 Remember your word to your servant,
in which you have made me hope.
50 This is my comfort in my affliction,
that your promise gives me life.

92 If your law had not been my delight,
I would have perished in my affliction.
93 I will never forget your precepts,
for by them you have given me life.

105 Your word is a lamp to my feet
and a light to my path.

165 Great peace have those who love your law;
nothing can make them stumble.

That last verse—nothing can make them stumble—is so powerful. It reminds me of Psalm 112 where it says the righteous “is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.” Or the Proverbs 31 woman who “laughs at the days to come” (v. 25).

How does that happen? I believe it happens when we know who God. Bill Johnson says that fear is imagining the future without God in it. When I start to feel fearful, that always stops me, and I remind myself, there’s no future circumstance that He doesn’t already know about. And there’s nothing I’ll face that He can’t comfort.

Having God’s word in your heart is like carrying around an umbrella, even when it’s not raining.

When the rain does come, you’re ready. You’ll have great peace and hope because His truth is in you.

What are some of your favorite verses? How do you practice hiding God’s word in your heart?

Rain That Refreshes, Renews

Sheets of rain are pouring down as I work on this blog post, and I’m thinking about the expression, “When it rains, it pours.” 

I’ve felt that way a little these last few weeks as I’ve recently had a lot of busyness, uncertainty, and ever-growing ‘to do’ lists. 

  

But rain can also be refreshing: the ground soaks in the moisture while thirsty crops catch drops of water on glistening, bright green leaves.   

 For me, the rhythm outside my window calms me, and I’m renewed, revived. 

Peace. 

Be still. 

Peace.

I’m in your midst. 

I hear His words in the beat of the drops on my windowsill. 

And after the rain stops, after the stormy clouds and unpredictable precipitation recede, He washes me clean again; he restores my soul. 

Sometimes I wonder why I ever stress at all. When it’s all said and done, He’s always taken care of me. He’s never let me fall. 

I breathe in fresh, clean air. Don’t you love the smell of rain? 

I breathe in more of His Spirit, His grace, His strength. 

The joy of the Lord is my strength.

His grace is sufficient for me.

Friends, if you’ve been near me these last four weeks, I’ve been a hot mess. But today, it’s as if the Lord hit the reset button with all this rain, and I get to resurface with a renewed purpose and joy. 

If you need to be renewed, I pray the Lord would rain sweet drops of grace and mercy over your soul today.

Faithful in the Battles

I'm recycling a post this week from 2009. I rarely recycle posts, but I was looking through my blog for something else, and I stumbled on this oldie-but-goodie.

Although the battles described here are now 7 years old and seem like so long ago, I felt encouraged by the reminder that God does fight for me!

Hope you'll be encouraged too:

I've been reading through Deuteronomy, and the shortened version of the Israelite's' story. Already, the Lord has made so many applications relevant in my own life. In Chapter 2, the Lord raises up a new generation to begin moving in the direction of the Promised Land. The first step in that direction is a battle. If you read in verses 30-31, it states that God hardened the king's heart, causing the battle. It's possible that the Israelites could have peaceably passed through, or that the King of Sihon would have just let them pass, as the kings did in Seir and Ar. 

But God needed to begin to lay a foundation of faith in their hearts that 1) There will be many battles, and 2) that God will fight for them. Of course, the older generation knew this from Egypt--but God was laying a new foundation of faith in these Israelites' hearts that wasn't just about what He did then, but what He could do now.

Sometimes God makes the path more difficult and causes a battle, in order to show us a greater victory.

In Chapter 3, God builds on their victory in Sihon to fight a greater battle: not just a city, but an entire Kingdom--Bashan. Sihon was baby steps of faith building to a greater battle, just as Bashanwill be baby steps to the greater battle that is Jerricho and beyond into the Promised Land. And each step along the way, God reminds them gently, "Remember, I fight for you." 

In Chapter 4, Moses pauses to remind them to keep these works of God hidden in their hearts, that they don't forget what He's done and depart from Him. Though Moses predicts that the Israelites will one day disobey and forget--and be scattered--God, in his mercy, will take them back when they begin to seek Him again.

In my own life, I think about all the mini financial battles the Lord has brought us through this year--just to show that He fights for us, and He is faithful. In January, we thought we'd owe $1500 from Howell's wreck, but God took care of it. In February, we unexpectedly owed $1600. And God provided. In March, I went to Pennsylvania, which costs us another $1500 in flights and hotels. But God provided again. All the while, we were trying to save money to buy a house--yet these expenses we hadn't anticipated kept coming up.

But in May, God had doubled our savings, in a way we can't explain--just to say that He did it.

In June, we found a house, and we prayed for the Lord to provide our closing costs, and He did. In July, we closed on our FIRST home--and all the extra money we thought we'd put into savings that month was nearly spent on other factors. In August, we thought we were ready to finally start saving again, when we received heart-breaking news--the greatest test of all--that we owed $6000 to Howell's company (they'd been taking the wrong amount out of his checks), and that we'd be losing nearly half his paycheck each month.

We cried out to the Lord and told Him we weren't prepared. We panicked and worried about how we'd make it. We tried to "fix it" ourselves, by taking me off Howell’s insurance to cut out $500/mo in expenses. But God had a plan and a purpose. And in September, He miraculously provided the money we needed--yes, all $6000 (that in itself is another cool story! :)). And He allowed me to get back on Howell's insurance (after the enrollment period), despite the strain it will place on our budget, because He wanted to be the one who fights our battles.

And even though this month, Howell will only receive 1/3 of his paycheck, to cover these insurance costs, God has already caused our bank accounts to be filled and our needs to be met. You see, when we are faithful to tithe and to give above the tithe to ministries He puts in our heart, to the point that we begin to say, "God it's not our money, but yours," He is faithful to return to us tenfold what we need. Like the Israelites, God used this whole year--nearly 10 months now--to bring us into a new battle.

And each time, He showed us, "It is I who fight for you."

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A Lesson from Two Tenacious Women

This week I have been drawn to two different places in the New Testament—one, a parable, and the other, a testimony of Jesus healing a woman.

The story of the woman with the issue of blood has always intrigued me—even as a child. When I was six, I was diagnosed with von Willebrand’s disease, and I spent much of first and second grade in the nurse's office for one or two hours with uncontrollable nosebleeds. It sure felt like an ‘issue of blood’!

The story resonates with me still—as a woman diagnosed with various infertility diseases and negative reports.

I know how it feels to “spend all my money on a physician” and “not be healed by anyone” (Luke 8:43).

And so I’m inspired by this woman who knows what she has to do—and she reaches out to touch Jesus.

She acts in accordance with her faith to receive her healing.

She doesn’t know if it will work, but she does it anyway: “If only I may touch the hem of his garment” (Matthew 9:21).

Source: YouVersion Bible App

Not only is she healed, but Jesus says her faith has made her well.

It seems like a crazy leap from here to the parable of the persistent widow in Luke 18—but both women are tenacious.

Persistent. Relentless. Determined.

When I was 16, a woman prophesied over me that I have a spirit of tenacity. I had to look up the word at the time, but today I hold onto that when my soul needs encouraging.

The persistent widow is tenacious. She, too, acts in accordance with what she believes.

As I was re-reading the parable this week, I was struck by Jesus’ last statement: “I tell you [God] will give justice to them speedily, but when the Son of Man returns will he find faith?” (v. 8).

What a question to end with!

When I don't see the outcome, will my faith remain? Will my belief persist? 

Bill Johnson once gave an illustration about faith that will forever stay with me. He said that when we go to a pizza place and ask for a large pepperoni, we get our receipt—that ticket with our number that proves we’ll get the pizza.

While we wait, we don’t actually have the pizza.

But we have the confidence that it’s been purchased, and we have the ticket, the words—that’s our faith, our assurance that the pizza will come.

Dear friends, what are you believing God for? What are His promises for you?

If you don’t see them delivered today, don’t lose heart.

Hold on to your ticket—your faith and assurance—that He will always deliver on His word.

You may need to act. Or you may need to wait and persistently ask.

Both require boldness and courage and faith.

The Lord’s heart is always good toward us—to heal, to restore, to defend, to redeem. 

He is rich in mercy.

Your answer may be immediate (Luke 8:44), or it may require night-and-day persistent prayer, but take heart because His word is truth, and He always keeps His word. 

Click to Tweet: When we don't see the outcome, will our belief persist? @Grace2Write shares a lesson from two persistent women. 

An Update on The Waiting Game

I’ve been asked lately how things are going with the fiction book I wrote last year, and for whatever reason, I don’t feel discouraged about the progress until I have to give an answer to someone.

When I realize that my answer is the same as it was the last time—or that I’m still waiting—I feel like I should have more to show for my efforts.

One of the most important takeaways from the ACFW conference last year highlighted how slow the publishing process is—and, for me, I’m glad I know that so I can expect to wait, a lot.

But equally as true as the wait time from an agent shopping your book proposal with publishers to securing a contract to seeing your book in print, I’m learning, is the process for finding an agent.

Maybe I’m doing it wrong, but I didn’t want to send out my book proposal or manuscript to any and every agent, so it’s been a lot of wait-and-see (and check the inbox all. the. time).

I finished the book last January.

In September, I met with three agents and one publisher at the ACFW conference, and I had two agents ask to see the manuscript. 

In October, I sent the manuscript to the first agent who requested it.

In early January, I received her reply (which I’m still saying is the nicest rejection email I’ve ever seen).

And toward the end of last month, I sent the manuscript and proposal to the second agent I met with.

And now, I’m waiting again… 

I did have encouraging conversations with two editors who said (noncommittally) that I could send them my proposal—and I have thought about sending them my proposal as is, without an agent representing me, but I guess the thought makes me nervous. 

What if I burn a bridge with an editor because my proposal is not as sharp as it would be/will be when I have an agent? Could we still send the proposal to that publishing house later? 

(Side note: If you, dear reader, know this answer or have advice—please share! :) )

So, I’ve had a lot of waiting lately, but this week the Lord reminded me that the best is worth waiting for.

Our culture tells us that everything should be instant—the law of immediacy—which is counter to God’s law of sowing and reaping. Instant gratification is not necessarily true gratification—sometimes the hardest work has the sweetest reward. 

I wrote in my journal—years ago—the greater the desire, the longer the wait, the higher the risk for disappointment but also the highest and sweetest return. 

I’ve said before, I’m not much of a risk taker, but God has taught me so much about the risk that’s always worth it—trusting Him, trusting His plan, trusting His timing.

My sweet Mimi called me last weekend to tell me she was praying for my book—and after I had told her that I still didn’t have an agent yet, she said so matter-of-factly, “You will. Because you’ve got a talent. And God’s going to use you. Just be patient.”

I know she’s a little biased because she’s my Mimi, but her reminder could not have come at a better time: just be patient.

"Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway." - Earl Nightingale

When I saw this quote on Facebook, it resonated so much within me. The time is going to pass anyway. Why not pass the time pursuing my dream?

If I’m really committed, then I’m willing to risk.

And if my risk is to trust Him with my future, then it’s really not a risk at all; it’s the safest bet I can place.

Besides, one of my favorite Christian fiction authors, Charles Martin, said he had 86 rejections before his first manuscript was published. Today he's a New York Times Bestselling Author. I told my family—I guess if I get to 87, I’ll ask God if I missed it. J

And in the meantime, I'm working on Book 2 (squeeeeel!), and I'm willing to learn as much as I can about the craft of writing. (Second side note: I'm going to this local ACFW writer's event in April. Anyone else going!?) 

Dear friends, what are you waiting for in this season of life? What risk is He asking you to take?

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What I Learned this Week from the Cowboys and Justin Timberlake and God

Well, the Cowboys lost yesterday, and all I could think, all I kept saying was, "I just don't understand how that wasn't a catch." Yes, Mike Pereira explained the rule, and I read articles and watched videos, trying to understand. But in the end, I kept coming back to the same conclusion: I just don't understand. Ever feel that way?

When I don't understand the Lord--why He is doing something or how He's going to work something out, I start to avoid. I like the word 'avoid' rather than run because I like to think I've matured enough in our relationship that I don't run away; I just avoid.

An avoider is a psychological term I got from an incredible book titled How We Love (I highly, highly recommend it!). When my heart isn't feeling it, when I don't want to feel what I feel (that's probably a better way of putting it), I just avoid. A little. Sometimes.

It's not that I'm outwardly rebellious. It's not that I don't keep talking to God. It's just, quite simply, about my heart. I avoid talking about the real feeling.

And, of course, I avoid Christian music.

But I'm always amazed how God can speak to me anyway, even when I think I'm avoiding. He is a gentleman (Erika likes to use that description). He won't force Himself on us; He won't control us. He politely asks us to dinner. He politely pursues us and woos us.

So this week, it was through Justin Timberlake. I know, right? I heard a song of his, and God said, "That's my love song to you," and I just lost it in the car (ask my husband who looked at me so confused because 30 seconds before, we were jammin' out and havin' a grand ole time!).

I won't post all the lyrics (read them here), but here are some of my favorites:

Said all I want from you is to see you tomorrow, and every tomorrow, maybe you'll let me borrow your heart. 

Don't you know that I could be that guy to heal it over time, and I won't stop until you believe it, 'cause baby you're worth it. 

So don't act like it's a bad thing to fall in love with me. You might look around and find your dreams come true with me. Spent all your time and your money just to find out that my love was free. 

Wow. Of course, Justin isn't writing a worship song from God's perspective, but those are some powerful truths: that He is after our heart, that He heals our pain, that He loves us so fully, so freely, that He won't stop because we are worth it to Him.

Sometimes the simple truth is the one we don't want to hear. Sometimes the truth is that we just don't understand. (Sorry Cowboys fans. :))

But we serve a God who loves us so deeply He sacrificed, He gave, He fought for us, for our hearts to be in relationship with His. We serve a God who never stops pursuing us. And we can put our hope in Him, in His goodness, in His love.

We may not have it figured out all the time. Some days we may feel discouraged or disappointed. Some days, we can't see why or how.

But when you get to that place, when you feel that way (and maybe when you want to avoid, too), breathe deeply in His love and let Him refresh you with His songs of truth. And when you exhale, you'll find yourself full of grace, full of faith to trust Him again.

Training for our minds!

In a sermon once, I heard about a study where they put mice in a tank with water. For the first group, most of the mice showed signs of giving up after treading water for seven hours. But for the second group, the scientists took the mice out and gave them a break around 5 or 6 hours. That group—those mice—swam three times longer.

Why? Because they found hope. A glimmer of light. A breath of fresh air. A brief moment of freedom. And it was enough to push them forward.

Our mind is a powerful thing. I was thinking about this yesterday when I kinda felt like dying during my first experience with a core and strengthening yoga-ish class. If I listened to the music or thought about something else, the 60 seconds of [insert painful move here] didn't seem so bad. But if, at the 30 second mark, I heard the instructor say, "halfway done!", and I started counting 30 seconds in my head—each second seemed more difficult than the one before. 

I wasn't treading water in the core and strengthening class, and it wasn't for 6 or 7 hours, but it felt a little like that. As sharp pains are pulsating through my thighs, and my abs feel like they are about to explode out of my stomach, and I'm aching in places I didn't know I could ache. And if I could just. not. think about it, I could survive. But when I really thought about it... well, I felt like giving up. Sometimes that's what waiting fells like. Mind over matter: it's not just a thing people say; it's so very true.  

In that process, though, the Lord really spoke to my heart. When we fixate on the pain in our lives, it only feels more painful. Dwelling on negative feelings—especially in our mind—is a dangerous indulgence. This is why we’re told to renew our minds daily (Romans 12:2) and to fix our eyes on Jesus (Hebrews 12:2).

Why? Because Jesus is our hope—and hope is more powerful than anything.

Paul tells us in 2 Corinthian 10:3-6 that this battle we war is not in the flesh. So where is the battle? It’s in our mind.

He has already previously told us in 1 Corinthians 2 that we have the mind of Christ, through His spirit, which is given to us. For that reason, Paul can later say we have the weapons we need to put down strongholds, cast down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God—bringing every. thought. captive.

This is no easy thing. It requires practice. And discipline.My mind is highly, highly analytical and logical. Although I know that comes in handy for solving problems or being a scholar, sometimes I wish it weren’t so. I wish I could be carefree and laid back and just ignore the uncertainty or not allow myself to think about the unknown; that, instead, it would just literally “not cross my mind.”

But, for me, that isn’t the case. It’s a matter of my mind, my will, my emotions—each has to be surrendered daily, hourly, every second if I’m going to fixate on Jesus instead.

On my mirror, I have God’s 10 promises to me. And I read them daily, even when my mind, my will, and my emotions say otherwise.

That’s our battle. Maybe it’s cliché, and certainly I agree and know from experience that it’s easier said than done. James 3 talks about the power of the tongue—but I think the mind is doubly so, for it controls both what we speak and what we think: the thoughts we dwell on, our anxiety and worry, our fear and insecurity. It all starts in the mind.

Practice today fixing your eyes on Jesus—our savior, our healer, our defender—our hope. Your circumstance may not change. Your pain may still be there. But when we change our perspective to His, it changes everything. 

Content Not To Know

My chest tightens; the vessels inside work and constrict, trying to move life through me despite the knot, the pain, despite the fact that my heart aches and burns and cries out. Tears fill my eyes, and I blink them away, doing my best to see the road before me, to keep my wheels between the lines. But how can I see with my eyes what I can’t see with my heart? What my heart feels and knows and experiences.

“Why me? Why us?” Her words echo in my mind. I’ve thought them, too, and I am careful to choose my words, careful not to say what I hate to hear—what is trite, and obvious, and exactly the opposite of what she needs, today.

But what can you say? There’s really no words, none worth expressing, none that can capture the fullness of this pain in my heart, none that translate the tears, now streaming.

Why? I find my voice; it’s a scratch above a whisper, and I ask Him. Why her?

For all that I’ve begged and implored and declared—the hours and hours of presenting my requests to Him, that it not be with her as it is with me, that she not have to walk this journey. I wanted it more for her than I wanted it for me. Because more than anything, I didn’t want her to experience this—the grief, the loss, the disappointment, the pain.

So why? I ask again.

And I hear it quietly—the answer He gives me often, not what I want to hear, but what I know is true:

Not everything is for you to know.

I am ready for it this time, rebuttal in hand. I feel like fighting today.

Fine, but why? This I want to know. Not for me, for her. Why?

Laura, do you believe I have your best interest at heart?

Yes, but –

Do you really believe I am good and what I do is good?

Yes, of course, but we’re talking about—

Do you trust me?

I stop, my answer is slow. You know I do.

Then trust that I have her best interest at heart, too. Trust that everything I do is for her best just as it’s for your best, too. I love her as much as I love you, and I’m not withholding anything from you. 

I’m not holding back my gifts or my blessings. They will come. They just didn’t come today.

My defensiveness flares a little—yes, but why not today?

Because, baby, not everything is for you to know.

I am done arguing. My defense is weak, and I know He is truth. And when I believe it, when I taste and experience and accept His truth, then I am set free.

I am reminded of my words before—do I really believe He is good? Isn’t that at the core of it all because if He is good, then He is good no matter what. He is not good because… He is just good.

My heart wraps the truth around itself, the truth seeping into my veins, pulsing through me. If I’ll really believe that, for me, for her, for all who face this journey, then I can see that He has my best interest at heart. His agenda is for me, so that He gets the glory.

Is it easy? No.

But He is here, and He holds me, and He never leaves me. And can I learn to be content with just that? That He is here, and I am held.