Today, I’m writing about an area of marriage that I’ve personally never dealt with, but someday will. This may sound like I’m relaying advice that you may think I’m not qualified to speak about. I’m not, but my sources are, and I trust them because I’ve seen their success.
Recently, I had two work friends dealing with the same marital problem, and it awakened me to make sure that I don’t see this same issue in my own marriage down the road. As they reach their middle years, their kids are graduating high school and leaving home or are close to it. They look at their spouse or their spouse looks at them, and they suddenly realize that they don’t know this person.
They say, “Where is the man/woman I married?” “Who have they become?” “Do I even love this person they’ve become?”
In one example, the husband works all the time. He’s out of town a lot and doesn’t have a lot of energy when he is home. In the other example, both spouses work. Both couples have kids that have had lots of activities over the years. They’ve been busy for 20+ years and haven’t had a chance to take a breath. Sound familiar? Now that their kids are starting to leave, and they aren’t so busy, they realize they don’t know each other.
First, if you are in this situation, there is certainly hope. Lots of it, actually. I recommend counseling for any long term or major marital problems. Find someone who is a Christian and is supportive of both of you. Also, bring the issue out in the open. Talk about it plainly, but make it clear that you want this to work and you love your spouse. Divorce shouldn’t be an option.
One of the couples that inspired me to write this just took a long vacation together. In many cases, just spending time enjoying each other will remind you of what this is all about.
"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." ~ Mignon McLaughlin
Second, if you aren’t there yet, work on your relationship now. Tyke and Connie Dipprey shared with Laura and I that they intentionally made the decision to not grow apart as their kids aged. As their friends struggled, they were closer than ever. Today, they are happy empty nesters that love each other very much. We are so thankful for their advice that caused us to think about this, years ago!
Other couples we know have taken vacations together over the years. Letting the kids stay at their grandparents while Mom and Dad are somewhere nice is fun for everyone. One friend even told me that he has a standing date night with his wife every other Friday. What I’m saying is, you have to be intentional about spending time with your spouse.
Sadly, one of the couples I mentioned at the beginning of this post didn’t make it. Honestly, with some effort, I believe they could have. Marriage is work, even if it’s the best work ever. The other couple is doing great. It is my goal to make sure that Laura and I are closer than ever when that day comes. I hope this is your goal too.
~Howell
@G2WHubs
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