When You Need to Be Reminded: Our God is BIG!

First of all, I’d like to give a shout out to my hubs. Today is his birthday. Woot Woot! J (Last year, I wrote a post with my 30 favorite things about him.)

I’d add to that list how grateful I am that he’s always willing to go with me to my conferences. I’ve presented at a few academic conferences over the years, and he hasn’t missed a single one. St. Louis. Pittsburgh. San Antonio. Santa Fe. We’ve been to some fun places.

This last week, he went with me to Portland, where I presented at the ATTW conference.

We made a trip of it (more on that Monday—so stay tuned) and took a few vacation days before the conference to enjoy ourselves on the West Coast.

As the day of my conference approached, I started feeling very anxious. Actually, I’d felt pretty anxious for the weeks leading up to it, but by the time the actual week arrived, I felt like throwing up just thinking about it.

I was uncharacteristically nervous.

I don’t know if it was the enemy or my flesh—maybe both, but my head was full of lies. This conference is small and an elite group of presenters. They only accepted 26% of the proposals this year (and I’ve been on the 74% side three times).

I don’t say that to toot my own horn; I say that because the days leading up the conference I started thinking, “Man, I’m a fraud. I don’t belong on that panel. My research isn’t good enough, isn’t serious enough. I’m not prepared. I’m not enough.”

And on and on and on, to the point where I was physically sick the day before the conference.

That night I finally told Howell all the lies I felt inside. Do you know how much power comes from speaking your fears out loud?

He encouraged me and prayed for me that night, and immediately, the Lord showed me something really cool.

We’d been on our trip for four days at that point, and God started showing me how He’d taken care of us at every little moment along the way.

Our flights were on time.

Our rental car was perfect, which was essential for the 1500 miles we were going to put on it.

He’d kept our car safe and secure while we’d been out the first day (before we checked into the hotel). For some reason, I kept imagining that someone was going to break into our car and steal my laptop and notes while we sat at a restaurant, and I’d have nothing for the conference.

He’d led us to stay in Brookings, Oregon, instead of Crescent City. Brookings turned out to be MUCH nicer, but we didn’t know that til we were driving through Crescent City.

He’d led us to choose the perfect road to Crater Lake, and He’d led us on the perfect week. We later learned that two other roads into the park were closed because of snow, and if we’d have come the week before, we probably wouldn’t have made it because of all the snow they had. But they’d cleared our road, and although we considered taking the other route, we chose the road, by God’s grace, that was open.

He just kept giving me example after example—really recent examples—of how big and how powerful He is.

My conference presentation turned out to be just fine—and when I stopped stressing, I was able to enjoy the experience. By the end of the trip, we had even more cool stories like that!

But I loved that He reminded me, just when I need it:

He takes care of us.

He goes before us.

He’s always with us.

If you feel afraid, if you feel like you’re not enough, if you feel like you’re lacking, I pray that today you’ll be encouraged to see how big your God is.

He fights for you.

He stands with you.

He fills you with all the grace and power and confidence you need.

When Selling a Bed Becomes a Lesson in Patience

This weekend, I experienced my first attempt at selling something through an online Facebook garage sale page. I posted an extra full-sized wrought iron bed we needed to get rid of, and within ten minutes, I had more than one offer.

The first offers that came in were for slightly less than my asking price. Not by much—but a little less. I debated for two hours—literally—whether to settle or wait.

My husband, who is always the voice of reason, calmly shrugged and said, “Babe, it’s been like an hour. Just wait and see what you have tomorrow.”

Good advice, right?

Yeah… But I’m impatient, and sometimes everything feels urgent—even when it’s not an urgent thing at all.

I waited a little longer (and by little, I mean maybe 30 more minutes). Then I accepted the first person who offered, albeit at a reduced priced.

Of course, not 15 minutes after I settled, I had three more offers—for full price. By the time I went to bed, I was getting messages from two different people, begging for the bed. (I’m not even joking!) By the next morning (not even 24 hours later), I had 14 offers on it.

But I felt like I had to honor my original ‘Yes,’ and on Tuesday, an excited single-mom came and picked up the bed and mattresses.

I knew I did the right thing, but I also felt a little miffed. If only I had waited…

I don’t write this to self-deprecate or condemn myself, but the truth is, I wonder sometimes whether I rob myself of God’s fullest blessings because I get impatient.

I’m reminded of the old sermon story of the boy who throws a fit in Walmart, begging for the $150 bike. His parents hold their ground and seem like the worst parents ever—except that they already bought him a $300 bike for his birthday next week.

They know what he doesn’t know.

God always knows, too.

If I had a spiritual resume of my greatest traits and qualities, patience would not be on it. Intercessor, maybe. Worshiper, Giver—sure.

But patient, submitted, willing to release control—nope. None of those.

I know God’s not mad at me—nor does he punish me or withhold blessing from me. He’s a good Father, and He probably spends a lot of time whispering, “Hey, dear, I have a better blessing for you if you’ll wait it out.”

I’m not trying to over-spiritualize here either. It’s just as possible that God’s best plan was for the single-mom to get the bed at the reduced rate. Maybe my impatience wasn’t about me; maybe it was always about her blessing.

But either way, I’m reminded this week that I need to surrender control, be patient, let go of those things that really aren’t urgent (which, by the way, is pretty much everything!), and submit my heart to my Father’s heart.

If I can just slow down, just for a second, I might hear Him whisper.

Friends, do any of you struggle with that impatient spirit—where everything feels urgent? Do you struggle to wait on God’s timing?

I’d love to hear any advice you have to offer! 

Click to Share: When Selling a Bed Becomes a Lesson in Patience.  

The certainty and security of what we know and don't know

In 2002, Donald Rumsfield made a controversial comment about what we know: "There are known knowns; there are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns; that is to say, there are things that we now know we don't know. But there are also unknown unkonwns--there are things we do not know we don't know."

Among other things, Rumsfield was criticized for his convoluted use of language--and this post has nothing to do with the politics of his statement. But I think he raises a good point in terms of what we know about what we know or don't know. And I wonder if the categories of knowledge may look more like this:

1. We know that we know.
2. We know, but we don't know that we know.
3. We don't know, but we know that we don't know.
4. We don't know, but we don't know that we don't know. 

Or, maybe there's only three categories that matter:

1. What we know for certain
2. What we think we know (but may or may not actually know)
3. What we don't know (whether we know or don't know that we don't know it)

Before I lose all my readers, I promise I'm making a connection soon... :) Some of you know, we have been on a "house journey" for about 6 - 8 months. We feel God is calling us to live in Plainview, and we've been trying to sell our house since October. In this process, God has taught us so much about trusting and walking in faith. And I was thinking this weekend about these levels of knowledge, and I was thinking that what I know for certain, and what I think I know, and what I don't know have all been so tested in this season to the point that some days, all I can do is declare: 

"Lord, I don't know what you're doing in all this. I don't know what your plan is, but here's what I do know..." 

In this journey, I've learned so much about the false security of the immediate--what we think we know and can take control of, which can, in fact, be easily changed. Our circumstances change, both good and bad, but His character, His attributes--these are things we get to know that we know for certain. 

Here is what I know: He is good and faithful. He is for me and with me. He will not fail me; He will not forsake me. He never changes. He is my rock, my refuge, my safe place. He is sufficient. He is my hope, my security--I have all I need in Him. And He is Daddy; He will provide for all our needs. 

When all that's in front of me is doubt and confusion, I just have to go to what I know. If I focus on what I think I know, I am fooled, and if I focus on what I don't know, I am frustrated. But if I focus on Him, I am fulfilled. 

After a long journey (I'll spare you the full story, but the climax includes re-plumbing our entire house), we have a contract on our house, we have survived the option period, and, Lord willing, we will sell our house on May 29. But there's a reason James writes, 

"Come now, you who say 'Today or tomorrow, we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit'; whereas, you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time, and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we shall live or do this or that'" (James 4:13-15). 

And because of that--because the certainty of our move is really only in "Lord willing," the Lord even still reminds me to hide my heart in Him, to put my plans and the "what we think we know" in the sovereignty of His hands. 

And so I do, but still I am left with other "unknowns," chief of which is where we will live in Plainview. And I don't know whether the answer to this question lies in knowledge 2 or knowledge 3:

• Do we know the house God has for us in Plainview, but we don't know that we know?
• Or do we not know, and so we just know that we don't know?

I'm not sure. Our "house in Plainview" story is about as long as our "Selling our house in Lubbock" story, but here's the short version: Back in October, we found a house we loved; then we had to re-plumb our house in Lubbock, which knocked that house out of the realm of possibility  Then we found another house we liked, but the inspection report blew that one quickly out of the realm of possibility -and at about the same time, the price on house number one was reduced, putting it back in the realm of possibility. 

So now we ask: Was the first one removed because it wasn't what God wants? Was the second one removed because the first is actually what God wants? Or were both removed because neither are what God wants? 

All along God has told me that He will open the doors so clearly and fully. And He has also told me not to plan--not to think I know, not to try to figure it out. And as hard as it's been, I feel like He wants to keep me in two places of knowledge: 

• What I know I know for certain: His character and attributes
• What I don't know, but don't know I don't know: which keeps me trusting in Him

When we got the second contract on our house in Lubbock, we laughed; we were in complete shock. I told the Lord, it would be like you to surprise us and also to orchestrate it at a time when we have no plan for a house in Plainview. 

So, even today--approximately one month from our closing date--I just declare that I still don't have it figured out. I don't know, and I don't presume to know what God is doing or how He will work it all out. But what I do know, I get to know for certain: I am His and He is sufficient for me. 

The Sovereignty of God

I had a blog post all ready on attribute #5: the sovereignty of God. To be honest, this is an attribute I'm sometimes uncomfortable with, so I had this whole thing written out, balancing our free will and choice with God's omniscience and sovereignty - that He is in sovereign control, that His plan cannot be thwarted, but that he allows us to choose the narrow or the wide, obedience or disobedience.

But I really felt like none of that was what God wanted me to share. This isn't a blog post about theology - it's about His attribute of sovereignty. So, instead, I'd like to share one of the most powerful moments in my life when I have seen God's sovereignty.

The verse in Acts says, "And [He] has determined their preappointed times and the boundary of their dwellings. As one theologian puts it, "Divine sovereignty means God is God in fact, and in name, that He is on the throne of the universe, directing all things, working all things 'after the counsel of His will.'"

For some, the way life happens is just by chance, by karma (or, by the way, the biblical principle of sowing and reaping??), or by fate, as if fate were something God-like, the work of the universe, the stars aligning, etc. But, as Christians, we believe in God's sovereignty. Jeremiah 29:11 is often quoted, but I love that it says He knows the plans He has for me. Regardless of my circumstances or what is before me - whether good or bad - I can trust that it's within God's sovereign plan for my life. Not to be cliché, but I can truly have a hope for my life because I know that He works all things to the good of those who love Him. That doesn't mean life will always be good; it means regardless of what I face, it will strengthen me, sanctify me, conform me, and refine me. Anything He allows to happen, anything the enemy tries to do, or anything I choose in my flesh - He knows, and He works according to His plan for my life.

So, my story. I never blogged this story because I think, at the time, it was too real to process. In the summer of 2010, Hal and I took a mission trip to Guatemala. I am not exaggerating when I say within two days of our trip (Day 8 and 9), there was a volcanic eruption in Guatemala City, an earthquake, landslides, and a tropical storm. Because "news" in a third-world country isn't delivered quite as quickly or (I can't believe I'm about to say this...) accurately as it does in the U.S., we had no idea what was going on. We knew about the volcano; we knew nothing else. And so, our team takes off in a fifteen-passenger van to drive back to Guatemala City because we think it's okay to do so. The eruption is over and (supposedly) where we are going in the city, the volcanic ash is not too bad.

Unfortunately, we were heading into the middle of a tropical storm (what had been a hurricane and was now "on land") that was causing landslides on the highway. This highway was the major highway in Guatemala, so it was our only route to the city. However, because it was cut out of the side of the mountain, the falling boulders from the wind and rain of the storm could literally send your vehicle over the other side of the mountain. With only two lanes of "road," there was little wiggle room even to swerve. As we drove, there were moments when huge boulders would fall literally a few feet in front of our van, but we would brake just in time, or these rocks would fall just seconds after we passed. We crossed two bridges that - not long after we passed by - completely fell because of the force of the flooding waters. Did I mention the highway is laid out next to a river, as well?

When we arrived in Antigua (because we could not actually get to Guatemala City), we learned that the officials had closed the highway only half an hour to an hour after we completed our trip because so many had died or were injured. At that point, the number we heard for the death toll was less than a hundred; by the morning and the next few days, we would learn that it was over two hundred. Just on that road - not from the volcano, not from the earthquake; just from landslides and flooding on the same road we took, on the same day we took it, at the same time we were traveling.

For 11 hours, we were on this road. What was only about 280 miles took 11 hours because we could only drive 10 or 20 miles an hour, in case we needed to brake; not to mention, we could barely see because of the sheets of rain. I seriously prepared myself to be in an accident or die. At the time, I don't even think we knew the severity of the storm. But we prayed that God would protect us.

I truly see that day as miraculous. I've never experienced the full wrath of a natural disaster. But I see God's sovereign hand, acting in that situation. When the possibility - even the likelihood - of death was so near, He saved us.

God's sovereignty is real. However, we have to submit to Him, to bring our hearts into alignment with His plan. Will He let us get off path? Absolutely. We get to choose. Choose today to rest in the sovereignty of His will, to find peace in the comfort of His plan, and to submit yourself to His path and His boundaries.