What's Your Knee-Jerk Reaction?

Our fun-loving almost 17-mo-old toddler has started a new thing. When she doesn’t get her way or has a different idea about something, she sits down or lays down and throws a bit of a fit. It is both cute (she’s got that pouty lip, tilted head, and fake tears)—and not, so we’ve recently begun trying to teach her “that’s not how Brandenburgs act.”

Her reaction is so innate, knee-jerk almost, and yet, I’m amazed at how quickly she can change her attitude with a little correction (or our ignoring the little fit). It’s like she jumps up, realizes this is not the way to be, and moves on, happy to play with another toy.

I’ve been thinking about my own knee-jerk reactions I pick up without thinking. I told you that my word this year is Freedom, and as I have sought the Lord to understand what areas in my life I’m experiencing bondage, he has been faithful to show me place after place in my heart that needs to be free.

When I am in bondage to fear, I am not free to live the full and rich life that Christ intended.

Sometimes fear can have other words to describe it like worry or anxiety, and I’m finding that these are my knee-jerk reactions. I pick up worry before I even know it, and I’m sitting in a fit of anxiety before I’ve thought through why I would be anxious when the King of heaven and earth fights for me, provides for me, loves me.

Through my little toddler, the Lord has been showing me, that’s not how the daughter of the King acts. Not when she knows who she is in Christ. Not when she knows who her Heavenly Father is.

I have been meditating on two verses lately: One is from Proverbs 31—and all of us know this woman as the epitome of women, right? It says in verse 25, “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.”

 
The other verse is Psalm 112:6-7: “For the righteous will never be moved; he will be remembered forever. He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.”

So I’ve been thinking about both of these—what would it look like to laugh without fear of the future? What does it mean to never be moved? To never be afraid of bad news? That’s a deep, deep level of trust, right?

What I was thinking about specifically for this post today is the fear of lack or insufficiency. This can be about financial provision, but I was thinking about it more practically for my everyday tasks.

I’m at the end of the semester, which means I’ve got final papers and projects and grades pouring in. And my stress level begins to rise higher and higher.

When I feel myself start to get overwhelmed with work, when I start giving in to that anxiety, I have noticed that really that overwhelmed feeling or stressed out feeling is just a fear of lack.

Lack of time. Lack of mental capacity. Lack of patience. Lack of motivation.

And anytime I’m operating out of a mentality of lack, I’m operating out of fear because I’m making an agreement in my mind that God is not sufficient. That he doesn’t own time. That he doesn’t give me grace and strength and mental capacity. That patience and self-control aren’t fruits of His spirit.

But He is sufficient. And He does own time. And He does give me grace and strength and His own mind, even. Through His Holy Spirit, He has given me love and peace and patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and yes, even self-control.

So as we enter the busy months of April and May, if you’re struggling with the overwhelm of it all, like me, I hope we can practice pausing for a second, recognizing fear for what it is, and choosing instead to walk freely in His truth and His power and His life.

Smells like Skunk...Again

Last weekend, Rizzoli was sprayed by a skunk. Again. It wasn't quite so bad this time. We think she was running away (lesson learned?) and was only slightly dusted.

But the experience reminded me of this old post, which my heart needed to read this morning, even if it makes me miss my Charlie.

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Do you see these two? Don’t they look like angels?

Perfect angels, right?

We all remember Rizzoli’s three near-death experiences, so maybe only one of them fits that description. Unfortunately, even Charlie, “the good kid,” was on my bad list a few weeks ago when both of our dogs got sprayed by a skunk in our backyard.

IN OUR BACKYARD.

They had the creature cornered where he could not escape, and they were not deterred by the stinky smells at all. We’re convinced they got sprayed more than once at close range.

It took about four days to get the smell out of the house—and even still, I swear it lingers in a few places.

We gave the dogs 11 baths (Rizzoli, the lucky one, receiving one more bath than Charlie) with all kinds of home remedies, Pinterest suggestions, old wives tales, and vet-recommended solutions. Nothing helped with the smell—at least not on first application. We did have some success with the de-skunk shampoo the vet’s office sells, but it took three applications each.

Even now, almost two weeks later, I still smell it when Rizzoli shakes her ears, her now-shedding hair flying in the air, and I groan.

What a mess!

The timing was terrible, of course. It initially happened just before bed, on a night when we were already getting in bed late.

I fell into bed at 1:00 a.m., exhausted.

The next day we were leaving town, and I just wanted to give up, to lay down and say, “I can’t do this.”

(For the record, my hubs, as usual, was the rockstar. I think he gave 5 or 6 baths in a short span of a few hours.)

Two days later, the smell wasn’t better—for the dogs or our house. I felt so discouraged.

We’d light candles and spray aromas and bought every imaginable wall plug, but all of that only temporarily masked the smell.

Now that I’ve had some time and space from what really was an unpleasant experience at an inopportune time, I feel like the Lord has used that to speak spiritual truth to my heart.

Y’all, maybe I’ve only been masking the smell, but this has been a challenging six months. I’ve been tested to what feels like my core. My patience. My attitude. My humility. My leadership.

Even my values have been tested.

What’s more important: What God says about me or what people say? Pleasing God or pleasing man?

What’s do I value most: Being recognized, validated, defended, appreciated? Or being a daughter, accepted and beloved?

It’s been tough, and I’ve seen my flesh on a new level.

I felt like the Lord reminded me that when I try to do this life stuff on my own, it’s like spraying Fabreeze around my house and hoping it will make the smell go away.

Funny, right? Because it’s so foolish.

Only the Holy Spirit can do the real work, the under-the-surface work, where the skunk’s poison resides, where it’s settled and seeped into pores and pockets.

I recently had someone speak a word over me, and he said that I needed to unyoke myself to the things that trouble my heart. Howell told me afterward that he immediately felt like that meant unyoking myself to other people’s opinions of me.

This isn’t new information or a new struggle—of course I shouldn’t care what others think, and I’ve known this is a habit of mine for a while.

But something about that phrase—unyoke yourself—really got my attention.

I always thought of the “do not be yoked” verses as relating to marriage or relationships. But Howell’s exactly right. I’ve yoked myself to what other people think of me rather than yoking myself to the Lord and letting His opinion rule.

If there’s a spiritual smell to being yoked to others’ opinions, I guarantee it’s worse than a skunk.

What about you, friends? Do you struggle with performing, pleasing, striving?

I understand completely! Let’s let Holy do a major detox in our hearts today. 

When I can't let go of that empty tube of toothpaste

This post is an oldie but a goodie--especially with Psalm 23 still on my heart:

Sometimes I think I’m a product of the 1930s, as if I lived through the wrong generation and instead I'm more like my grandparents, who survived the Great Depression. 

Either that or I’m cheap—and I prefer to think it’s the former and not the latter. 

Right now I have two un-opened packages of mascara in my cabinet, and my current tube is seriously empty, but I am still—and have been for weeks—scraping the edges for some black goodness that makes my eyelashes look longer and thicker than they really are. 

And it’s not just makeup. I refuse to depart with a near-empty tube of toothpaste. Even though I have a new one under the sink, I will squeeze that tube for days, even weeks, putting teeny-tiny dollops on my tongue (yes, that’s where I put it, and that’s why Howell refuses to share a toothpaste tube with me). 

In the shower, I’ll fill my conditioner with water when it gets to the very end and shake it for the stuck sides of conditioner to “rain out” on my head. I’ll do this for at least two or three showers—until it’s really just water I’m pouring on my head—before I finally give in, throw it away, and grab the new bottle under the sink, the one I bought months ago in preparation for this day. 

Why do I do this? I have no idea… Howell just laughs at me and says, “Babe, just get a new one.” 

I mean, I have a black dress from 8^th grade in my closet. I wore it faithfully through my senior year of college when I was consistently half my current size. Today, it does. not. fit. It never will fit. 

Why do I still have it? 

Obviously, I have a very hard time throwing things away, and I’m not only talking about cute sentimental things like cards (although, yes, I also keep every stinking card because I am crazy, and I guess I believe I will someday read through those boxes and boxes of paper). 

But seriously, y’all, I can’t even depart with a tube of toothpaste. 

With Howell and others who know me well, we joke about this, but I’ve been seriously thinking about it this week, especially as I (for real) am scraping my mascara bottle’s edges each morning. 

I believe the root of my sometimes comical behavior is fear of lack. 

I don’t think I consciously feel that way—and it’s not like we can’t afford an $8 tube of mascara. (I mean, I have two new ones in the cabinet!)

But somewhere in my heart is the root—

I must hold on or else…

I can’t let go or there won’t be enough….

I’ve blogged about fear of lack before—mostly related to seeing myself as if I'm not enough, as if I can’t contribute, as if I have nothing to offer.

For months, we had this thing on our kitchen counter: “Through Jesus, I am whole, complete, lacking nothing.” 

This is not only true for me as a person, but it’s also true for the Lord’s provision. He is enough, and He will always provide enough. 

I have never not been taken care of. (How’s that for a double negative and passive voice?!) Honestly, though, I cannot recall a time where the Lord hasn’t provided, and there were plenty of dire months where we needed it. 

But even in those paycheck-to-paycheck days, He provided. And He provides now. 

Yes, it’s funny, and we can laugh when I’m still holding on to that tube of toothpaste, but in all sincerity, it’s about my heart. 

And in my heart, I need to believe that I do not lack. 

He provides not only my vanity products like mascara—but my everything: physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. 

“The Lord is my Shepard; I shall not lack.”

What are you holding onto today that might be connected to a fear of lack? Dear friends, I encourage you to remind yourself--as I need to often!--that He is our source and provider.

Click to Tweet: When we're holding on too tight, when we can't throw anything away, do we have a fear of lack?

                                                                                                                                     

Who's Responsible?

Dr. Eggerichs ends the Love and Respect DVDs with an important final point: “My response is my responsibility.”

We are to love our spouse or respect our spouse, as unto the Lord, which means it’s not really about that person. It’s about my relationship with God and whether I’m going to be obedient to what He’s asked me to do.

What has He asked?

The message is real clear in Ephesians 5:33: Husbands, love your wives, and Wives, respect your husband.

It’s not easy—but it’s not rocket science. 

So this phrase, “My response is my responsibility,” reminds me I’m in control of my own action and not anyone else’s.

It makes me think of my favorite Danny Silk quote: “The only person I can control on a good day is me.”

Although in the heat of an argument, it’s so tempting to assert that our husbands are making us mad, or hurt, or whatever it is we’re feeling, the truth is, they’re not. We are choosing to feel the way we feel.

Even if your hubs is in the wrong, you’re still choosing your response.

So I’ve been thinking about this message—how great and wonderful it sounds and how very hard it is to practice—and I feel like the Lord showed me that this concept is deeply tied to our identity.

If I know who I am in Chris, then I am secure. I don’t have to defend myself, assert my position, compete, manipulate, or exasperate.

Whatever the circumstance—and really, this truth applies beyond marriage, if I am confident in my position as a child of God, as covered by His righteousness, as whole, complete, lacking nothing, then I’m free to not react or respond in any way except the one He’s called me to.

Regardless of how unloving an action or a statement might feel, if I’m certain of God’s love for me and if that’s enough, really enough, to satisfy me, then I’m not empty in that moment. I’m not in need of approval or affirmation.

And even if our husbands' actions don’t feel loving, we can, from that confidence in our identity, still choose to offer respect in response.

God has asked us to respect our husband, and when we do it, we’re honoring and obeying Him. So if it feels hard in those moments, when your man has stepped on your air hose, remember who God says you are, and remember how He feels about you!

My prayer, friends, is that we would come to a greater, richer understanding of who we are in Christ, that our identity would be rooted into the depths of our hearts. May we know how deep and far and wide His love is. Unfailing. Never ending. Unconditional. May we encounter Him, keeping our connection full.

What's Your Super Power?

Spring is finally here, and I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling the craziness already. March passed in a blur.

Can you relate?

This morning I was reminded of Romans 8:11, which says “The spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you.”

I don’t always feel powerful, but thanks to the work of the cross, I am full of the Holy Spirit’s power, which means

I am a powerful woman!

I am an influencer for His Kingdom.

I have the power to change the atmosphere.

I am full of God’s grace and His favor.

Do I feel that way? Not always—definitely not when I’m in the midst of chaos and craziness. (Again, where did March go?)

But it’s the truth of God’s word, and I choose to believe it.

How about you, my friends? Are you facing a hard week? Do you feel overwhelmed? Do you shrink back in conversations? Do you feel like you’re not enough? Or you don’t have enough—time, money, energy?

On Sunday, we'll celebrate the resurrection of our Lord and Savior. What a better week than now to be grateful for this finished work of the cross—and to step into all that He says we are.

In Plain Sight

I like to think I’m the sort of person who pays attention to small details. If a frame in my house is moved ever so slightly, I will notice it—and adjust it.

But last week, I realized I’m not as observant as I imagine. I take the same route to work and home every day. It’s about a five-minute drive, and I do it four times every day—morning to work, home for lunch, back to work, and home at night.

So every day I pass the same buildings, signs, streets. One of those days, I needed to stop by the ATM to get some cash on my way home from work.

No big deal, right?

I pulled into the turning lane, turned left, and was about to turn into the parking lot of my bank before I realized THE BUILDING WAS GONE. Completely leveled.

When I got home, I asked Howell about it, and he said they’d done that three days ago. THREE DAYS!? I’d driven by this piece of property a dozen times without realizing it was no longer there.

A couple weeks ago, I had the privilege of hearing Stasi Eldredge speak at our church’s Life Giving Saturday. She talked about spiritual warfare and the enemy we face, who seeks to devour us.

In John 10:10, Jesus says “The enemy has come to steal, kill, and destroy, but I came that you might have life abundantly.”

Jesus wants us to have an abundant, full life—but that LIFE is going to be opposed! Sometimes, she said, we get so down on ourselves, believing lies, or we get down because of circumstances without even realizing we’re being opposed by the enemy.

We just accept it as normal, everyday life instead of walking with our armor on, instead of walking in freedom.

The Lord reminded me of that as I laughed at myself for days over the demolished building I’d missed. While I can be so attentive to details sometimes, I can also be blind to the schemes of the enemy.

And it’s usually when I’m not paying attention—when life gets busy or relationships get hard or I get run down—that I forget to battle.

I start believing lies instead of speaking truth. Lies about myself—that I’m not enough or don’t measure up. Or lies about my Heavenly Dad—that He’s not really good or He’s holding out on me.

But the Lord has called us to stand firm and to fight the good fight of faith. Every day. Every hour. Every moment.

How about you, my friends?

Jesus already has our victory. We are more than overcomers! Let’s get our armor on.

Check List or Forgiveness?

Laura and I were talking with some other couples about how we argue and what our fleshly tendencies are when we do, so I thought I would share an insight that I’ve discovered about myself that might help someone else.

When something goes wrong, or I upset her, I tend to want to fix it immediately. I think that there are certain personality types that just want to fix problems quickly. Let’s be efficient people!! At least that’s my natural tendency. When it comes to matters of the heart, though, the fastest way is not always the most efficient way. Think of it like this. If something is really important, like your spouse’s feelings, you should take the time to make it right. All good things take time, especially marriage.

Early on in our marriage, I asked Laura. “What words or phrases would be most effective to help us solve our differences?” This might sound like a great question to ask, and it is. She obliged with some things that really minister to her in times of distress, which was wonderful. Excellent communication, right? It surely was. We were on the right track…but, application makes all the difference.

I jumped on those phrases like a bicyclist at the Tour de France. That is to say, way too fast. I applied the words and phrases that she gave the first chance I had, and they fell completely flat. All that great communication down the drain?! Well, almost. What I didn’t realize is that these great words are moot without hearing Laura out first. She needed a chance to tell me how she felt, and then we needed time to let those words soak in.

She just needed a little time to process, and I just needed to back off a bit. Recently, the Lord brought all this back to me when I was watching our dogs. 

Rizzoli, our Weimaraner, is much bigger than our Wheaton mix, Charlie, and thus has much bigger feet, which stomp around like Godzilla in Tokyo most of the time. This means that she steps on his tail a lot. When she does, he gets upset and barks and whines. She obviously feels terrible and stays about two centimeters from his face until he feels better, whether he likes it or not—and, in fact, he hates that too. She is really just making a bad situation worse by doing that, just like I was.

What really changed all this for the good, though, was finding the root cause. Through some prayer and self-reflection, He revealed to me that I needed to have our problems solved and find reconciliation so quickly because I was putting my security in whether Laura was okay with me instead of putting my security in Him. Simply put, I was putting more pressure on our marriage than God intended. When my security is in Him, our marriage functions much better. I’m free to ask Laura how she feels or what issues are happening and not feel an urgency to pressure her to forgive. She is then free to feel my sincerity, rather than my insecurity. In turn, we resolve issues much faster and are healthier in general together. What an amazing God we serve!!

 ~Howell

@G22WHubs

The Freedom Paradox

Have y’all heard the new Meredith Andrews’ song, Spirit of the Living God? It’s my new jam right now. I recently heard a little interview blurb on K-LOVE where she talks about the verse that inspired the song: “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom” (2 Corinthians 3:17).

She said that the meaning of the expression is actually “Where the Spirit of the Lord is Lord, there is freedom.”

I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately.  

                    

The word for Lord there is kúrios, which means master. Think of this in contrast to the word doúlos, which is the word Paul uses at the beginning of so many of his letters. It’s usually translated as Paul, a servant of Jesus Christ (see, e.g., Philippians 1:1), but the more literal translation is like a slave or bondservant.

Consider James 1:1: James calls himself a doúlos of kúrios—a slave of his master.

Freedom comes when we submit to the Lord as Master. At first, that seems contradictory, paradoxical even. 

And to consider ourselves as slaves feels very un-American, right? And yet, what 2 Corinthians 3:17 suggests is that if the Spirit of the Lord is Lord, there is freedom.

I know in my life, when I try to do something on my own or out of my own strength, not only am I miserable (and usually unsuccessful) but also I become entangled in bondage. Fear or pride takes over, and I begin working from a position for acceptance rather than from a position of acceptance.

It never goes well.

Submitting my heart to my Master does not come naturally. I must be intentional.

But when I submit my heart to the Lord, when I place my plans, my vision, my opinions at His feet, I’m actually released in a supernatural way to walk in the fullness of Christ, filled with grace and power.

I’m a little slow sometimes, so I’m still learning what this means, but I know I want to walk in freedom, and therefore, I must let the Lord be Lord at all times.

How about you, friends? Let’s walk in freedom by submitting ourselves to the Lord as Master!

Present over Perfect: More Baby Steps

Okay, y’all, I know I mentioned Shauna’s book, Present over Perfect, in last week’s #MarriageMonday post, but I’ve finished the book and want to share a few more small victories I’ve had. :) 

I’ve given my hearty recommendation for this book in lots of other posts (here and here and here). This book is a game-changer if you’re any range on the Type A scale or if you’ve ever felt any of the following:

I want to stay home tonight, but I have to do/go/be/make/lead/clean up/set up for X event.

I am too tired to be tired.

If I don’t do it, then…..

If only I had time to do….

I could keep going, but, well, you get the idea. She calls it gluttony, the addiction we have to being on the go, always moving, always striving, always adding more, more, more to our plate.

Then we begrudge the life we’re living (though we’d never admit this) because we don’t have time, or we’re exhausted, or we have another dream in our heart, or _________ (fill in the blank).

As someone who is always the responsible person, always the go-to girl, I have identified with Shauna’s words in ways I can’t even describe. I feel like she is writing about me for much of her book—minus the musician husband, the two kids, and the being a famous author with a full speaking schedule, of course. :) 

But seriously. My whole adult life has been about working hard, striving for that next level of accomplishment, that next thing to get to.

I’m in my early 30s, and I somehow know that if I don’t get this right, if I don’t learn how to say no and slow down and find the balance—the real balance—between work and home, then I’ll be worn out for the next 30 or 40 years. I’ll resent my work and what I do, and I’ll have no one to blame but myself.

This book could not be more timely for me.

So, a few weeks ago, I told you about my first baby steps—turning off my email notifications. Between 8:00 and 5:00 Monday to Friday, I am glued to a computer and email and phone calls and decisions and fires to be put out, but when I go home, it all turns off.

I take my full lunch. I’ll admit there are still some days where meetings stack up, and I’m not getting a lunch break, but for the most part, I am taking a full hour every day to DISCONNECT and RECHARGE.

And I’m writing. I’m doing that thing that fuels my soul, the longing in my heart that isn’t satisfied until I go to that imaginative alter-reality and start clicking away on my keyboard.

Today I’m happy to share some more milestones. A couple weeks ago I said no to something that I felt obligated to say yes to, and I said yes to two things that were out of my “I must be responsible” character.

Y’all, it felt so good.

I am in control of me. And although I can’t necessarily control what walks through my office door or what pops up in an email or what comes through my phone, I do get to be in control of my time—how I choose to spend it.

I choose to spend the hours at work being present—doing the best job that I can do, being intentional with every person I come in contact with, asking the Lord for help—all. the. time.

And I choose when to say work ends—and now my home life begins. This is my time with Howell. This is my time for us, for our family, for our friends.

How about you, friends? How are you managing your time? What can you say no to today? Any advice for a recovering busy-aholic?

Smells like Skunk

Do you see these two? Don’t they look like angels?

Perfect angels, right?

We all remember Rizzoli’s three near-death experiences, so maybe only one of them fits that description. Unfortunately, even Charlie, “the good kid,” was on my bad list a few weeks ago when both of our dogs got sprayed by a skunk in our backyard.

IN OUR BACKYARD.

They had the creature cornered where he could not escape, and they were not deterred by the stinky smells at all. We’re convinced they got sprayed more than once at close range.

It took about four days to get the smell out of the house—and even still, I swear it lingers in a few places.

We gave the dogs 11 baths (Rizzoli, the lucky one, receiving one more bath than Charlie) with all kinds of home remedies, Pinterest suggestions, old wives tales, and vet-recommended solutions. Nothing helped with the smell—at least not on first application. We did have some success with the de-skunk shampoo the vet’s office sells, but it took three applications each.

Even now, almost two weeks later, I still smell it when Rizzoli shakes her ears, her now-shedding hair flying in the air, and I groan.

What a mess!

The timing was terrible, of course. It initially happened just before bed, on a night when we were already getting in bed late.

I fell into bed at 1:00 a.m., exhausted.

The next day we were leaving town, and I just wanted to give up, to lay down and say, “I can’t do this.”

(For the record, my hubs, as usual, was the rockstar. I think he gave 5 or 6 baths in a short span of a few hours.)

Two days later, the smell wasn’t better—for the dogs or our house. I felt so discouraged.

We’d light candles and spray aromas and bought every imaginable wall plug, but all of that only temporarily masked the smell.

Now that I’ve had some time and space from what really was an unpleasant experience at an inopportune time, I feel like the Lord has used that to speak spiritual truth to my heart.

Y’all, maybe I’ve only been masking the smell, but this has been a challenging six months. I’ve been tested to what feels like my core. My patience. My attitude. My humility. My leadership.

Even my values have been tested.

What’s more important: What God says about me or what people say? Pleasing God or pleasing man?

What’s do I value most: Being recognized, validated, defended, appreciated? Or Being a daughter, accepted and beloved?

It’s been tough, and I’ve seen my flesh on a new level.

I felt like the Lord reminded me that when I try to do this life stuff on my own, it’s like spraying Fabreeze around my house and hoping it will make the smell go away.

Funny, right? Because it’s so foolish.

Only the Holy Spirit can do the real work, the under-the-surface work, where the skunk’s poison resides, where it’s settled and seeped into pores and pockets.

I recently had someone speak a word over me, and he said that I needed to unyoke myself to the things that trouble my heart. Howell told me afterward that he immediately felt like that meant unyoking myself to other people’s opinions of me.

This isn’t new information or a new struggle—of course I shouldn’t care what others think, and I’ve known this is a habit of mine for a while.

But something about that phrase—unyoke yourself—really got my attention.

I always thought of the “do not be yoked” verses as relating to marriage or relationships. But Howell’s exactly right. I’ve yoked myself to what other people think of me rather than yoking myself to the Lord and letting His opinion rule.

If there’s a spiritual smell to being yoked to others’ opinions, I guarantee it’s worse than a skunk.

What about you, friends? Do you struggle with performing, pleasing, striving?

I understand completely! Let’s let Holy do a major detox in our hearts today. 

Living Like Royalty

A few weeks ago, Howell and I had the opportunity to attend the Texas Tech football game—in style. We were given passes to a suite and VIP tickets to a private tailgate and an after-the-game celebration. We had tickets, passes, and lanyards around our neck that literally said VIP.

Everywhere we went, we had access to free food and drinks, and we had incredible seats to the game with a great view of the field.

As I was soaking it all in, I thought, Man, I feel so privileged, so important.

And I immediately felt the Lord nudge my heart—You always are.

That night, we felt like royalty, but the Lord reminded me that I’m always royalty. I’m a daughter of the King. His word says I’m a royal priesthood, chosen and called out of darkness and into His marvelous light.

A friend of mine posted this meme on Facebook recently, and I saved it and have looked at it regularly.

Too often, I forget who I am. I forget whose I am.

I allow circumstances and my own thoughts to beat me down and tell me I’m inadequate, but that’s never who God says I am.

He says I’m enough. He says I’m whole, complete, and lacking nothing.

I’ve been reading The Supernatural Ways of Royalty by Kris Vallotton and Bill Johnson for several months—maybe even a year. It doesn’t usually take me that long to read a book, but I’ve been having a hard time soaking in the truth.

I have lived with a pauper mentality where I operate out of a feeling of "lack" and try to protect what’s "mine," including sometimes, my heart.

But a prince (or princess) mentality knows that I’ve been given everything I’ll ever need, that I have a rich inheritance, and that I’ll never lack—physically, emotionally, or spiritually.

Bill Johnson says it this way: 

"I can't afford to think differently about my life than God does." 

I’m always chosen. I’m always important. I’m always the VIP in God’s eyes.

And He desires to bless me. He’s given me every spiritual blessing in Heaven, and He’s given me favor with people and with my circumstances. Those are the privileges I get to enjoy as His kid.

What about you, my friend? Do you see yourself as a prince or princess? As a son or daughter of the Most High? If you struggle, as I so often do, I pray He’ll whisper truth to you. Receive what He says about you—both who you are and whose you are.

On Turning 30

I turned 30 this week. The big 3 – 0. I thought it would feel more dramatic, but in reality, it only feels, well, natural.

Most people dread turning 30 because it’s the first mile marker of adulthood that requires us to assess who we are and where we are going. I suppose, generally, there’s a desire to retain the youth of our 20s. It’s why turning 29 (again!) is a well-known joke among women.

Now that I’ve joined the club, I get it. I’ll probably never have my 18-year-old body or my 21-year-old stamina for all-nighters while working multiple jobs and taking over-the-regular load of coursework.

Those days are behind me because, let’s be real, ten o’clock is my bedtime now, and except on rare occasions, staying up later than 11:00 or midnight on a weekend stretches me.

But the truth is, I didn’t dread 30. I welcomed it, celebrated it, and embraced it—ending the evening in my favorite place, where I browsed titles of new fiction releases and dreamed of seeing my name on those shelves one day.

Maybe that’s my personality—to always look ahead, wishing I were further down the road than today.

I’ve shared before how I have to battle an inferiority complex I face all the time as the youngest—the youngest in my family, the youngest of my friends, the youngest in my PhD program, the youngest faculty in my department, etc.

Maybe it began long ago as a child, always wishing to be X age like my brother or sister so I could do A, B, or C.

But in January of 2015, I put a stop to the days of wishing ahead, and I began to embrace this season, MY season and all that God says I am.

Maybe embracing 30 is simply related to that decision.

Can I tell you a secret?

When Howell and I married, we were 22, and I was halfway through my master’s program. We began planning our future, dreaming for our family as most couples do. Finishing grad school was important to me, so we declared that we would get pregnant with our first child in 2011, after I finished my PhD coursework. We would then have our second child a few years later—perhaps in 2013 or 2014.

If life didn’t go as planned, we had a little cushion, of course, but the goal was to have our family complete by the time we turned 30—in 2016.

Back then, in 2008, these 22-year-old kids never considered that God might have a different plan.

Today, I’m 30, and my plan is so far off track that it went out the window a while ago.

But you know what?

I don’t feel the least bit sorry for my altered course.

For this thirtieth birthday, I felt so incredibly loved and treasured.

My sweet husband and my best friend managed to throw me a surprise party ten days before my actual birthday. (That’s a challenging feat!) I was overwhelmed by the mere presence of so many friends and family.

On my actual day of birth, I felt equally as loved all over again. Why? Because of the people in my life.

I’ve said before how grateful I am for this blessed life I live. I have an extraordinary marriage with a life-long partner, and I have relationships with family and friends that are rare and precious.

My 22-year-old self anticipated a different 30, but this newly minted 30-year-old self is quite pleased with where I am.

Sure, my metabolism might be steadily sinking, but you know what? My best days are still in front of me.

I’m only one-third (-ish) through this beautiful life, which means there’s still so much living to do.

So what’s the new plan? Well, I’ll tell ya!

The new plan is called trusting God’s plan, and it’s a great way to live:

Grateful for his goodness, mindful of His blessings, and filled with His peace for my future. 

Part 2: Giving Thanks for Who I Am in Christ

I’m continuing this month’s focus on gratitude, and let me tell you, being intentionally focused on all that I’m thankful for continues to bring a wealth of peace to my heart.

Today I feel most thankful for who I am in Christ. The trouble, some days, is believing it.

I don't think I'll ever get a tattoo (for a few reasons—none of which are religious!!), but if I were to get a tattoo, I think I would tattoo the word BELIEVE in pretty cursive font on my wrist. 

That's the reminder I need every day. 

Jesus said it like this—this is the work you do: to believe (John 6:29). 

We have to believe three areas—all of which shape our new nature: 1) who we are in Christ; 2) who He says He is; and 3) what He says He’ll do.

Believe who I am in Christ 

- that I am whole, complete, lacking nothing

- that I am healed

- that I am enough 

- that I am redeemed, restored

- that I am righteous 

Believe who He says He is

- that He is faithful

- that He is good

- that He is enough

- that He is all-loving

- that He is healer

- that He is redeemer

- that He is shepherd and provider

- that He is Abba Daddy, Jesus Savior Lord, and Holy Helper

Believe His word, what He says He will do

- that He accomplishes His word

- that He finishes the good work 

- that He restores my soul

- that He perfects that which concerns me

- that He leads me to still waters

You may be thinking: How does believing who I am become a source of gratitude? Well, lemme tell you; it’s changed my life!

I didn’t come up with this phrase (and I’m sorry I don’t know to whom to give credit), but I like to consider myself a “recovering perfectionist.”

If Mary and Martha were a scale—a spectrum of sorts—I would be on the high Martha end. Always doing. Always working. Always stressing—and comparing and feeling exhausted.

That’s who I was—outside of who I am in Christ.

I worried constantly what others thought, and I struggled all the time with guilt—that I wasn’t doing enough or that I wasn’t enough to do it right.

I’m not saying I never struggle with those thoughts anymore, but today, I am grateful to walk in and believe who I am in Christ (emphasis on believe because it’s not always what I feel).

Because of the finished work of the cross, because of all that Jesus accomplished, He made me righteous and at peace with God. It’s always and forever as it should be between us.

I don’t have to work to please.

I don’t have to carry guilt.

I don’t have to worry that I’m insufficient or insignificant.

What a gift!

He says I’m the head and not the tail, and He thinks I’m pretty awesome.

Who I am in Christ has become a source of peace for me; it’s changed how I think about myself, how I interact with others, and how I interact with the Lord.

Today, I’m thankful for Jesus, for the cross, and for who He made me to be when I became hidden in Him.

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Come toward the Light: Lessons from Easter Lilies

My sweet friend bought me Easter Lilies and brought them to me the Wednesday before Easter. 

Normally, these flowers don’t last very long, but mine are still blooming and beautiful.

Last week, I don’t remember what I was doing, but I was rushing around the house, and the Lord said, Stop and look. Notice.

All the blooms on the flowers had stretched toward the light at the window.

Maybe it’s because I’m obsessed with the new Bethel album and love the song “Shine on Us,” but I’ve been thinking about light and darkness a lot lately.

He is light, and His light displaces darkness. Darkness and light cannot co-exist.

The same day, He said, Look—notice, I was feeling so emotional and all over the place. I felt overwhelmed and not enough, and I knew I wasn’t walking in who I am in Christ.

It was like I knew it—but the feelings were so real too.

But His truth is light; it shines on those dark places in my heart where lies hide and wait, where false words sneak and slither.

When I speak His truth, when I believe His truth, I shine light there—and the darkness cannot stay.

Oh that I would position my heart—as the lilies have—to be stretched toward the light, to be turned entirely toward it, to desperately seek it, to hunger and thirst for it.

That His light of truth would be my greatest need.

Without it, I cannot survive.

I love Psalm 139—“Search my heart and know me, try me and know my thoughts; see if there is any grievous way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.”

David’s prayer is a prayer for light: let the light come closer, let it examine, let it know and see.

God’s light on our heart is never bad; it never hurts or burns.

Like the light for the lilies, it brings life and hope; God’s light restores truth and brings peace.

Dear friends, let’s walk in the light as sons and daughters. Let’s be drawn to Him. 

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"Writing WITH God:" A Refreshing Weekend in the Springs

For the first Saturday in April, I was blessed to attend the ACFW “Write in the Springs” event with the local Colorado Springs chapter. (Although I’m here in Texas, my closest chapters are Colorado Springs or Dallas—both six hours away!)

I didn’t know anyone attending the event—and as an introvert, meeting new people feels scary sometimes. But God truly went before me to open doors.  I sat between two multi-published authors, and I was overwhelmed with their kindness and advice.

Allen Arnold’s message for the day could not have been more timely. (If you’re going to ACFW in Nashville, I encourage you to go to his “Two Realms” session.)

I won’t divulge his message too much, but suffice to say—I approached my writing from the wrong realm. He talked about writing with God, not for Him or about Him. What a powerful concept!

Writing with Him means positioning my heart to be open before Him, to be led by Him, to hear Him.

And to do that, we have to walk in who we are in Christ, so we can approach Him and know Him as the relational Father, not as a distant or uncaring or angry or disappointed Father.

At one point, Allen asked us to spend time with the Lord individually and ask to receive from Him how He feels about our writing.

I don’t know why I had never done that before—and I don’t know why I expected something negative (like the voice of an angry critic: do more of this, don’t do that, etc.), but what I heard from Him I will treasure forever.

I finally have a vision statement for my writing, and I can see my work as He sees it, which means I can see the purpose He has for it. I feel so encouraged to keep pursuing this journey.

But the BEST part of my weekend came later that day—when Howell and I got to spend the evening with my favorite author and her husband. She is an award-winning, multi-published author, but she treated me as a friend and offered incredible advice and direction.

She even asked to read my first chapter. (*SQUEAL!*) I was scared to send it to her (But she’s so awesome, and I’m so…) But I’m glad I did because her suggestions and comments were positive and encouraging and incredibly helpful.

It’s been almost two weeks, and I’m still on cloud nine from that trip. I made new friends, I received great advice from several people, and the Lord refreshed my soul! What a blessing!  

There’s a Hillsong line that says, “To your glory, for your glory.”

That’s what I continue to speak over my work and over my writing journey.

This semester is soon ending, and I feel more revived than ever to keep writing and editing and pursuing options to get my work out there!

Writing friends: How are you feeling these days? Do you need the Lord to refresh your soul? Ask Him how He feels about your writing. I promise you’ll feel restored. >>> Click to Tweet

Staying connected when you’re apart

As I type this (which is actually over a week before it will post :)), Howell and I are in different cities—in different states. This month feels particularly busy for us, and we found ourselves spending several days apart from each other, not by choice but by the circumstances of work and life—all of which seemed to hit at the same time.

Out of 16 days, I think we were spending 10 nights apart. That’s very unusual for us.

We are quality time people. Time away does not feed our love language or fill our love tanks. 

But I was encouraged tonight after we talked to think of how connected we have stayed despite the distance.

When we were first married, time apart—even a night apart—almost always resulted in at least one fight, and I’ll admit that it was almost always related to me as the instigator. Inevitably, if Howell was out of town, one of the dogs would throw up all night or destroy something or some terrible mess would happen that I had to clean up—and then I would feel the need to act like a martyr: You’re not here. If you were here, I wouldn’t have to do this ALL. ALONE. Etc.

Or, if I were the one out of town, I would start to feel insecure about the plans Howell made: I guess you’re not missing me, you’re so busy; you have so much to do. Good thing I’m not there—sounds like you’ve had a lot of fun without me. (ETC!)

I’m happy that we’ve arrived at a place (and I like to think I’ve matured, too :)) where we both feel comfortable and secure in our marriage. We can celebrate each other’s successes and share in the emotions for the bad days or the hard days apart without having to compete or without feeling insecure.

So, I was thinking tonight how to articulate the ways we’ve learned to be intentional with our communication when we’re apart, and I wanted to share some strategies that work for us:

1. Communicate more than normal. During a normal work day, Howell and I don’t usually talk on the phone. We might text once or twice, but really only if we need to answer a question (e.g. Did you transfer that money to savings? Can you stop by the store on your way home?). But when we’re apart, we try to text far more often than we usually do. We’ll text in the morning to say hello. We’ll keep each other updated during the day with what we’re doing.

Usually we’ll talk on the phone two or three times a day, and (if you know me) you know talking on the phone is not my favorite. It’s not Howell’s either. But when we’re apart, we know we need to be intentional about communicating—even if it’s just to say, “Grabbing a bite to eat and heading to the next session. Love you! ;)”

2. Affirm more than normal. So, speaking of “I love you,”—we say it every day, but for those mundane texts (i.e. What’s for dinner tonight?) we don’t feel the need to add those affirmations too. When we’re apart, however, we say “I love you” and “I miss you” a lot. It’s nice to hear—and we need to know it. 

3. Use technology. FaceTime is an amazing creation. If you don’t have an iPhone, consider using Skype or something similar. There’s just something about being able to see your spouse’s face. It helps. I promise! The other day, Howell and I were facetiming; he was in Dallas, and I was packing for Minneapolis, and I carried the phone around as I moved from room to room getting everything ready. I know it’s not exactly the same as having him in the house with me, but it felt so nice to feel like we were just having the usual “What should I pack?” conversation we would have had if he were there.

4. Be aware of what triggers insecurity or what triggers arguments. In most areas of your marriage (or any relationship), knowing yourself is a powerful weapon. The enemy is out to destroy our marriages; I firmly believe that—and most of the time, he doesn’t have to work very hard because we do it to ourselves. We believe lies and let insecurity define us rather than the confidence of who we are in Christ. I used to feel very insecure when Howell and I were apart—especially if he was going to be social and have fun without me, but now I can be happy for him to have that time, and it doesn’t have to mean he doesn’t love me or doesn’t enjoy our time too.

When you are apart from your spouse, there’s nothing that fully compensates for being together. The other night, after FaceTime together as we brushed our teeth and got ready for bed in our respective but separate bathrooms, after Howell prayed over me, after I hung up and turned out the light—I felt a deep sadness in my heart. I missed him so terribly I felt like crying, and that was only Day One of a five-day stretch apart—our longest ever in almost eight years of marriage.

So there’s no full-proof remedy, nothing that makes being apart normal, nothing that can make you miss your spouse less. 

But it IS possible to stay connected and to continue to affirm and love each other well, even when distances separates.

Click to Tweet: Four strategies you can use to stay connected when you're apart from your spouse. 

Redeem: Part 2

Do you ever struggle to hear God’s voice?

This last week, I really needed to hear from the Lord. I needed an answer from Him—and yet, I felt so uncertain.

The more I tried to hear Him, the more anxious I felt. Am I hearing you? Is this you? Is this me? What is the problem?

Later, when I was still and my heart was ready, I did hear from Him. I got my answer, and I got His peace.

But in that moment of anxiety, I needed to be redeemed.

I told you last week that God’s word for me this year is REDEEM. We already talked about the ultimate redeeming act—the exchange made at the cross to give us righteousness and grace.

But redeem is more than the one time finished work.

One definition notes that redeem means to compensate for fault or poor past performance.

Yep—Jesus does that all the time for me.

Some synonyms for this definition include save, vindicate, absolve, atone, deliver.

The other definitions I love deal with an exchange:
- “Gain or regain possession in exchange of payment.”
- “Exchange (coupon, voucher, etc.) for merchandise, a discount, or money”
- “Pay the money to clear a debt”

Some synonyms here would be exchange, cash in, clear, honor, discharge, reclaim, retrieve, recover, regain.

And my all-time favorite definition—“To fulfill or carry out a pledge or promise.”

He always redeems His word. He “makes good” on His promise.

It’s easy—and encouraging—to think of these definitions as each relates to salvation or justification.

But every day, we are being sanctified too.

Every day I still need His redeeming help.

Maybe I need to ‘reclaim’ who I am in Christ.

Maybe I need to ‘regain,’ ‘retrieve,’ or ‘recover’ my thoughts to be the thoughts God thinks toward me.

Maybe I need to be ‘discharged’ or ‘cleared’ for my mistakes or shortcomings that day—the offense I took, the angry response I had, the pride, the insecurity, etc.

“Forgiveness restores the standard of holiness.” That’s my favorite Kris Vallotton quote right now.

Even if I mess up, he still redeems, and I am restored to a place of honor.

And, of course, my favorite:

Maybe I need to be reminded that He redeems His promises.

When I feel anxious like I did last week, He redeems my anxiety for His peace. What a better exchange.

What do you need to exchange—to be cleared of or discharged from?

What do you need to retrieve, reclaim, or regain?

What can He redeem for you today? (Click to Tweet)