Wednesday, July 14, 2010

When the going gets tough...

God hasn't promised a smooth ride. In fact, from James 1, we gather that we should expect trials. James says "When you face trials...", not "If you face trials..." Put another way, I've heard my whole life to focus on WHO God is, not on WHAT He is doing. Or again, I've heard that circumstances will be up and down, but this doesn't mean your emotions or your relationship with God has to or should be up and down.

And yet, when they hit, it's so hard to focus on what you know to be true.

Prior to going to Guatemala, things were looking up for us. Really up. Extra income was flowing in; God more than provided for our trip. And God was doing some good things in our marriage as well. After Guatemala, we both suffered from still being stomach sick for two or three weeks, coupled with the stress of returning to work and lost vacation days... On top of that, the bill for my ER visit in February was slapped on us with a 30 day due date, and I did not get a paycheck July 1st (by error, not for lack of working in June...). Now, on July 14th, I've still not been paid and I'm told my Aug 1st paycheck may be delayed as well...

Nothing like a hit with finances to really sour your mood. And with terrible timing. Lack of finances only complicates other complicated decisions: should we try for a baby soon or wait til I finish school? should we buy a new (used) car or hold on to my paid-for, 11-year-old, 135,000-mile car? Even vacation plans for our anniversary this year are suddenly put on hold.

Not only am I struggling to stand firm and consistent with the Lord, but I'm struggling to keep my emotions (particularly frustration, lack of patience, etc.) under control. This morning I nearly lost it while dealing with our payroll staff, proving how truly terrible our little tongue can be...

But as always, I'm reminded that the choice is mine. And that's really what it comes down to... I once heard someone say that our stress and worry is really just a lack of faith: we don't believe God is big enough to take care of our problem. In addition, it's a pride issue: we think we can do it better, quicker, etc. than God.

So, stopping the craziness, moment-by-moment, I have to sit down and say, "God, I surrender my pride. I'm not big enough, but I believe you are. And I trust your word that not only do you never leave me, but you also never fail me. You're in control of this and of all things."

And this day, that's precisely what I choose to do.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Catching up...

There are a million things I should be doing right now, but I'm not motivated to get any of them done. So, while avoiding work and reading other's blogs (that I haven't read in months!), I thought I would do a little updating. Since it's been forever, I'll just stick to the top 5 news stories. :)

1) Guatemala. We went to Guatemala at the end of May for 12 days. It was supposed to be for 10 days, but we got a little stuck (a story for another day). We got to do some incredible work for the Lord in a little town/village up north. I was so blessed by the way He used us and more importantly, blessed by the people I got to encounter. I was supposed to go and give away two weeks of my time in service, and instead I spent two weeks being filled with encouragement and love from others.

2) Summer Blues. I am taking one course this summer and working as Assistant Director of Composition (my job for the last 2 years) and Director of Composition Extended Studies (a new job that got "assimilated" into my job title. :)). I also picked up a side job editing dissertations for the graduate school. I'm so thankful for that job because they're paying me really well per hour! :) Believe it or not, this summer's actually been more demanding and time-consuming than last spring... I had to cut a few things out of my life in order to keep my sanity. :) But, work is work and the class is really important for the research I'll be doing for my dissertation. So, all-in-all, it's a necessary and relevant 3 months. :)

3) Ranch. We went to the ranch the weekend after we got back from Guatemala. For one, it was the only weekend for the entire summer that wasn't planned already! Good Grief! But, we also needed to help my dad with some stuff around the ranch. We spent an entire day fixing roads... It was some tough work, but I got to use a chain saw. :) P.S. Those are heavier than they look....

4) Zoe Leader's Retreat. We went on the Zoe leader's retreat at the end of June. It was really nice to be a part of that this year. We've been a part of Zoe for three years now, but we've always been on the outside looking in. It was fun to get to help plan events and toss ideas around. Being a part of Chapter 1 was a huge thing in both our lives in San Angelo, and it was nice to feel that way again. :)

5) Doctor's Order. So, last but not least-- I went to the doctor this week for my arthritis. For those who don't know, I've been diagnosed with a semi-rare form of arthritis since I was 17. I also have a tendency to skip out on my appointments... ;-) But, for the last month or so, I've been in a lot of pain (starting in Guatemala, actually). So, it was time to make some changes... My doctor changed my arthritis medicine, which I think is going to be a good thing. And he also gave me pain medicine, which I'm super excited about! So far, the medicine has made me sick, but I'm hoping to adjust soon! On a more depressing note, he also recommended that I lose some weight. I've gained quite a bit of weight since I last saw him (almost 2 years ago, right after Hal & I got married). And even though I wouldn't consider myself a "big girl," I know that taking a few pounds off will take some of the pressure off my back and hips, which are the worst areas where my arthritis is concerned.

So, I'm trying, for the first time in my life (seriously!) to eat healthy. I've never been a good eater, and in high school and college, I just stayed active and ate what I wanted. Now, that I'm getting older, my metabolism has changed, and it's time for a few adjustments. So, fruits and veggies--welcome to my life. :) I'll keep you updated on my progress...

To close: this weekend, we're going to Six Flags and a Ranger game--our one little vacation for the summer! I'm super excited about it, though. We even get to take our doggies (cause we're staying in a hotel that takes dogs). :) More to come on that event....

Everyday, I am more blessed by what God is doing in our lives. We've almost been married 2 years, we have a beautiful house, cars that run, and two dogs that are precious to us (well, Riley...sometimes....). :) It's not been easy. Circumstances are up and down. But God is good and faithful. He always has been!