Last week, Howell and I vacationed in Colorado to celebrate
our birthdays. We both turn 30 this year (Howell turned 30 Monday), and we
wanted to do something fun to commemorate the year!
We stayed at an all-inclusive ranch resort where we were
pampered by excellent staff for three meals a day and where we could do all the
activities we wanted from snowshoeing to backcountry skiing to horseback riding
(and more!).
We were so active on our trip that we came home sore (Ha!),
but we loved it!
Some of you may or may not know that I had an accident on a
horse in 2008—just a few short months before my wedding. It was not my first
time to fall off a horse—not even my second or third—but it was pretty
significant, significant enough that I feared riding horses, which I never had
before.
I won’t go into the details (they’re not really important
for this post), but the short version is that I blacked out before I hit the ground,
so I landed on my face. My jaw was
moved, my teeth were affected, my brain had a little swelling (thankfully,
nothing damaging ;)), and my face was all banged up for weeks, if not months. I
was trying on wedding dresses with a black-and-blue face and one eye swollen
shut—what a moment to feel pretty. J
The thing is, I grew up around horses. My grandmother had a
horse that I rode all the time, and I grew up with friends with horses that I
rode. I know how to saddle a horse, handle a horse, and clean a horse after
riding.
But after that accident, I was too scared to ride. I
attempted to get on my mom’s horse a few years ago, but I only rode him for
maybe 5 minutes before I felt scared and got off.
Then last week, while we were in Colorado, I had the chance
to “get back on that horse”—and I really wanted to try. I wasn’t sure if I
would ride, but I wanted to see how I felt.
And…
It felt great. I wasn’t scared. It felt natural again—and we
had a good afternoon (despite the freezing cold temperatures and blowing
blizzard snow!).
So, why am I talking about riding horses?
Well, the Lord reminded me of my experience this morning
while also reminding me of Proverbs 24:16—that a righteous man falls seven
times and rises again.
I was really rude to Howell one day last week. It wasn’t
anything overly dramatic; I was tired and grouchy and ended up saying something
rude and sarcastic. But, although he forgave me, I’ve had a hard time letting
it go.
This morning the Lord reminded me that my new nature is
righteous. That’s who I am. It’s as it should be between me and Him.
It’s not that the righteous man doesn’t fall. In fact, he may
even fall seven times.
But he doesn’t stay down.
I remember having it presented to me like this: you can know
whether you believe you’re righteous, whether you believe everything is as it should
be between you and God, based on how long it takes you to forgive yourself when
you mess up. If you feel like you have to wallow in pity, or do penance, or do more to earn favor again—then you’re not
believing you’re righteous.
Jesus paid it all.
As simple and basic as that truth is—one that I’ve heard a
thousand times, I’ve learned this week that I still have this feeling that if I
misbehave God will be mad at me; if something happens that I didn’t want or ask
for, then God must have ill-intentions toward me.
He so gently whispered to me this morning—Get back up.
I am good and always
loving. My intentions toward you are good. The thoughts I think toward you are
never evil—never ill-intentioned. You can trust my heart—it’s full of love for you;
it wants good things for you.
Isn’t it great that we serve an all-loving God?
Do you ever have a hard time believing it?
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