Finding Peace for Your Family

So you’ve got church one to two times on Sunday, dinner with the Joneses on Tuesday, dance and gymnastics every day after school, and football in the fall. The lawn needs to be raked, the dirty clothes pile is overflowing, and the dishes are filling up the sink.

Life, for families in 2017, is crazy to say the least. Where do we find time for each other? Where do we find time for our marriage? Where do we find time for ourselves? Where do we find time for Christ?

Usually, I write about things that we have gone through and dealt with in our marriage. Today, I’m writing about something that we (especially me) are dealing with today…this very moment. I think it is crucial though, so I want to share it. How do we find peace, as a couple, in the midst of our busy lives?

In Colossians 3:15, Paul implores the Colossians to "let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.” 

First, let’s talk about peace. In Colossians here, Paul is meaning it to be a whole, or mended, self. That’s exactly what we all want to be, to help lead our families, right? He’s also very clearly talking to individuals, who were all called to be at peace together. 

Let's let peace rule in our hearts, individually, so that the body (your family) can have peace together.

Paul says to “let the peace of Christ rule…” He doesn't say to create the peace or take hold of “the peace.” This is a passive action that comes from knowing Christ and allowing him to minister. The Holy Spirit is the one here today, actively giving you peace. We “let” Him. It’s your heart; you must allow Him access. 

That looks different for different people. For me, it is taking quiet time to reflect on what is in the way and consciously telling Him (for my benefit) that I am setting something aside and allowing His peace to reign in me. For you, it might look different. It always includes making a decision to set whatever is going on aside, though.

Paul also leaves a clue at the end of the verse for us. “And be thankful” is there for a reason. Have you ever known someone who seemed truly at peace in their life and with their family who wasn’t thankful? That’s rhetorical, because the answer is no. 

To be whole, and to have peace, regardless of the situation, you must be thankful. 

Be thankful for kids to take to soccer practice. Be thankful for good friends to have dinner with. Be thankful for your extraordinary marriage. Without that, none of this works.

Hopefully, you can relate to this, and it is helpful. The Lord is ministering to Laura and me a lot about peace right now, and I think that’s for a reason. Your life may not be peaceful, but it is much better to be at peace in the midst of it.

~Howell

@G2WHubs

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all!

Happy Thanksgiving, y’all!

This holiday always reminds me of my grandmother. She was a unique woman, full of elegance and grace, and her holiday table would’ve made Emily Post proud.

Her kitchen portrayed an absolute rotation of chaos and cleanliness—dishes were dirtied and washed and dried and the cycle repeated. She loved to cook and bake

As a young child, I was given easier jobs, like stirring the pot, drying dishes, or licking the bowl of batter.

Bammie and me in PJs :) 

Later, my tasks included making the crescent rolls, and I became the best crescent-roll-maker you can imagine.

At some point, I graduated to dessert duty, where I got to help with making pumpkin and apple pies. One of my favorite Thanksgiving memories involves my cousin, Kelley—the year we made the apple pies completely on our own. The crusted strips on top did not look like Bammie’s, but we were quite proud of our accomplishment.

This year marks the 10^th Thanksgiving without my grandmother, and I always miss her most this time of year.

The holiday might be based on historical events and long-standing tradition, but to me, it’s always been about family—at least as much as it’s about food. ;) 

I’m thankful for my family, for my in-laws, for my husband. Life is precious, and relationships are valuable.

You might be feasting on turkey and green bean casserole, and you’ll be overloaded with potatoes and crescent rolls and carbs, and you’ll likely have a sugar high from all the cakes and pies and holiday goodies.

But take some time to give thanks, to share your gratitude for each other, and to relish each memory. 

What I'm Thankful for This Thanksgiving

I want to take the time, in this season of Thanksgiving, to say how thankful I am for Laura. Hopefully, in saying all this, your appreciation for your spouse will grow. God put us together to be greater than the sum of our parts. We met 10 years ago, and my life changed. I think that back then, we were really good together, but we have both grown in ways that make us great together now.

When I met Laura, I thought I was on a path that would ultimately lead to success in many ways. In my own eyes, I was mature, ambitious, and “going places.” After meeting her and falling in love, I found out what really mattered. I found the reason behind the drive, and we have gone places in our lives in ten years that I thought would take thirty.

Proverbs 31:11, in talking about what a great wife is, says, “Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.” That verse sums Laura up to me. I know that whatever she does, she will enrich my life. When she speaks or acts in public or in private, she represents our family with dignity and forthrightness. She always keeps me in mind in her decisions, and her choices reflect my best interest. My goal, as a husband, is to do the same for her. She inspires me to be a better husband without ever trying to. That is an incredible quality in a wife.

Laura and I have journeyed through many great times and difficulties, and I’m sure that many more will come. Through both of these, we have grown together. We know each other to a point that we actually finish each other’s sentences and have the same thoughts, often at the same time. This amazes me because when we were dating, it seemed impossible to be on the same page sometimes. I know her deepest desires and fears, and she knows mine. It is an incredible thing to share this bond, and I will fight forever to keep it and grow it. I pray that same desire comes for everyone who reads this  because marriage is something that must be fought for and cared for constantly.

She is the person whom I am most thankful for, in this season and every season. Laura is an incredible wife to me and an incredible friend and influence to so many others. I praise God every day that she is in my life. 

Who are you most thankful for in this time? What has your spouse meant to you?

~Howell

@G2WHubs

"Go Hug Your Wife": Words of Wisdom From My Dad

I told you on Thursday I'm feeling sentimental with these Olympic games as I consider what our family was facing in 2012.

For Marriage Monday, I thought I'd share a great post my dad wrote when we were in the midst of that c-word journey, and even now, almost four years later, it still brings me to tears.

Married folks: I hope you'll listen to his wisdom and be grateful for your spouse!

___________________________________________

by Mike Calmes

So I figured it was time for me to put my thoughts to paper partly to share where I’ve been in all this, but also I knew it would be therapeutic for me. As most of you are aware, I’m not known as the communicator in our family. I am the quiet one. And as I like to joke: I’m not really that quiet; just in our family, for me, it’s an issue with opportunity….to speak that is. And you all know what I’m saying there!! So I say bear with me as I attempt in my own feeble way to communicate my experience and my heart since July 17th. (And I’m confident my “editorial staff” will dress up this weak attempt as well).

Let me start by saying I have an incredible wife. Not only is she the love of my life for 25 years of marriage this past week, but she is my best friend. She is my biggest encourager. She epitomizes the cliché “behind every good man is a strong woman” because she is just that for me. All of you know what a friend, an investor, an encourager, a teacher, and an example of gratitude and joy she is. Just imagine…Most get that part of her occasionally, but I get to be with her daily. I can only say I love my life with my wife. I did not need a crisis or adversity to confirm that; I’ve known it for a long time.

July 17, 2012 our life changed as you know. Tomi came home from her screening mammogram and said she knew it was abnormal, and they’d call her for repeat views. I, being the eternal optimist, said that they do that all the time, probably nothing, but we’ll get the extra views….nine days later we had a biopsy positive for breast cancer followed by surgery with the removal of the tumor. Now she’s undergoing chemotherapy to be followed by radiation therapy. You know the rest of the details from previous posts, and I’m here to tell you that her prognosis is very, very good….with treatment. But I also will tell you as a physician and husband, I still felt fear through this process. Not fear that her end result would be bad, fear that the process of treatment was not without risk of complications.

So now I come to tell you that my wife is strong, and I’m not. She even said during this process under the influence of pharmaceuticals, “I’m a tough cookie.” And repeated it over and over and over. But she’s right; she is a strong woman. And I’m here to tell you that I’m not a “tough cookie.” As a husband, I have seen myself as a protector of my family and especially my wife. But when this enemy, this battle came upon us, I was so disheartened and sad because I could not protect Tomi from this foe. Oh I have knives and guns and testosterone, but I feel helpless in this setting. Michalea said in her first post that I was hurting from a place they had not seen before, and she is so right. I have been hurting in a place even I didn’t recognize. I have been distressed because I couldn’t protect her from this, and I have been saddened because of her journey she must endure physically.

I find I cry frequently. I’m not gonna lie sometimes I think I cry like a “girl.” During those first days after diagnosis, in my morning quiet time, I’d cry to God to take this away from Tomi. Now I cry when I’m alone and not distracted by enough. The other day I was leaving church alone and cried on the way home….I don’t know why; I just did. Another day I was in a store, and they were having a bake sale for breast cancer awareness, and I bought some cookies wrapped in a pink ribbon and went to my truck and wept.

Brennan Manning in Ruthless Trust  says, “When the shadow of Jesus’ cross darkens our space, when pain and suffering intrude and our secure, well-regulated lives are blown apart, when tragedy makes its unwelcome appearance, and we are deaf to everything but the shriek of our own heartache, when courage flies out the window, and the world around us suddenly seems dark and menacing, self-pity is the first, normal unavoidable, and probably right reaction, and we only exhaust ourselves further if we attempt to suppress it. Human experience has taught me that there is no effective way to fight self-pity. Sure, we can spiritualize heartbreak, camouflage our emotions, and tap dance into religiosity. But such bravado is a denial of our humanity, and furthermore it does not work. We are not spiritual robots but sensitive persons.”

But he goes on to say not to stay in that place. It is a normal emotion, but there is a time it becomes pathologic. Ruthless means without pity. We need to have ruthless trust in a sovereign God and a compassionate Savior.

In Tuesdays with Morrie, the dying professor Morrie says regarding his terminal plight, “I give myself a good cry if I need it. But then I concentrate on all the good things still in my life.”

And that’s what I do. And I can’t begin to list all the good things that Tomi and I have in our lives. Let me start with three great adult kids. You’ve heard from Michalea and Laura and have heard their hearts, and they both have been tireless servants throughout this time. Clinton is also a fine young man with many talents and a giant-sized heart. Imagine, him holding me in his arms as I cried when they took Tomi into surgery. Our daughters have incredible husbands, and we are getting the best and sweetest daughter-in-law we could hope for in February.

We all knew Tomi was a huge investor in relationships with people, and we knew she had lots of friends…..but I don’t think any of us realized how many people and how far reaching her love, her ministry, her encouragement had reached until now.  The outpouring of the love of Jesus through the love and service of people, His hands and feet, to our family and Tomi has been overwhelming to say the least. People have been so kind and generous and considerate as well. With the upcoming race, Team Tomi continues to grow in numbers, reflecting the care and support for Tomi. I can’t say thanks enough but stand in awe of a loving God that wants to show us in real tangible ways that He loves us through others. Thanks to you ALL!!

To our young married couples…..and since I don’t have a Facebook page, I’ll say it here…..in your relationships with your spouse, don’t sweat the small stuff; keep your priorities right. Love your spouse with encouragement and serve one another always. Remember how special they are in your life.

We had a dear friend lose his wife to cancer recently. He was not aware yet of Tomi’s diagnosis. As I attended the visitation time at the funeral home (Tomi wasn’t able to attend), he hugged me, and he said, “go home and hug your wife and tell her you love her…and do it often.” Let me reaffirm that Tomi’s prognosis is very, very good, but when you hear the “Big C” word, it gives me pause and time to reflect on the importance of my awesome wife in my life.

So to you all…. Go hug someone dear to you and tell them you love them often because you never know when you may find yourself on…..

An unlikely journey.

2 Cor 12: 9-10

Weeding Out the Gardens of Our Heart

About a month ago, I spent several hours pulling weeds from our flowerbeds. It hasn’t been that long since my last efforts—really. But this week, I noticed it’s that time again.

I grumbled a little, mumbling something about why couldn’t the weeds stay out of the beds for the rest of the summer. Mumbling a little more about how much effort I had already put into these beds.

But in the midst of my bad attitude, the Lord spoke to my heart about a spiritual principle.

You see, sometimes I want to work on the weeds in the garden of my heart just once—and then I want to pretend the rest of the time that nothing ever creeps back in.

But I’m told to guard my heart above all else.

Why?

Because it’s the place from which I do life—where I feel, where I make decisions, where I act and react.

If you’ve ever read a Danny Silk book, you know he’s all about the heart. His favorite question to ask is “How’s your heart?”

As I’ve learned more and more to be real with my Heavenly Dad, to let him see my heart and all of me, I’ve learned I have to ask the hard questions, like “How’s my heart today?”

If I neglect that question, maybe it’s okay for a day or two. But if I let a whole week go by, there’s likely something growing in there, and it’s not a pretty flower.

Weeds are ugly little things, and they look like unrest, impatience, offense, frustration, control, fear, self-pity, self-doubt.

I’m not much of a gardener, but I know a few things. One is that you can’t just pull the head of the weed out of the garden.

You have to get to the root.

I also know that even when you purge a flowerbed from weeds, there’s a good chance more will be back eventually. (Thus my grumblings this week…)

Let me tell you friends, picking weeds is not glamorous; it's a chore. And it often takes a while to really dig in and get those flowerbeds cleaned out. 

You'll get your hands dirty. 

You might be a little sore. 

However, God has promised that we have everything we need for life and godliness.

We’re also given his Holy Spirit, who is our helper and friend. The fruits of His Spirit are like Round Up to the flowerbeds of our heart.

But only when wet let him come in and take over, only when we let our hearts be filled with His Spirit.

And if you’re a farmer or a gardener, you know, even once with Round Up only lasts for a season.

That’s why Ephesians says we have to “Be filled with the Spirit.” The aspect of the verb there means “Be continuously being filled.”

How’s your heart today, my friend? Do you have some weeds to pull? Need some Holy Spirit Round Up?

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On Turning 30

I turned 30 this week. The big 3 – 0. I thought it would feel more dramatic, but in reality, it only feels, well, natural.

Most people dread turning 30 because it’s the first mile marker of adulthood that requires us to assess who we are and where we are going. I suppose, generally, there’s a desire to retain the youth of our 20s. It’s why turning 29 (again!) is a well-known joke among women.

Now that I’ve joined the club, I get it. I’ll probably never have my 18-year-old body or my 21-year-old stamina for all-nighters while working multiple jobs and taking over-the-regular load of coursework.

Those days are behind me because, let’s be real, ten o’clock is my bedtime now, and except on rare occasions, staying up later than 11:00 or midnight on a weekend stretches me.

But the truth is, I didn’t dread 30. I welcomed it, celebrated it, and embraced it—ending the evening in my favorite place, where I browsed titles of new fiction releases and dreamed of seeing my name on those shelves one day.

Maybe that’s my personality—to always look ahead, wishing I were further down the road than today.

I’ve shared before how I have to battle an inferiority complex I face all the time as the youngest—the youngest in my family, the youngest of my friends, the youngest in my PhD program, the youngest faculty in my department, etc.

Maybe it began long ago as a child, always wishing to be X age like my brother or sister so I could do A, B, or C.

But in January of 2015, I put a stop to the days of wishing ahead, and I began to embrace this season, MY season and all that God says I am.

Maybe embracing 30 is simply related to that decision.

Can I tell you a secret?

When Howell and I married, we were 22, and I was halfway through my master’s program. We began planning our future, dreaming for our family as most couples do. Finishing grad school was important to me, so we declared that we would get pregnant with our first child in 2011, after I finished my PhD coursework. We would then have our second child a few years later—perhaps in 2013 or 2014.

If life didn’t go as planned, we had a little cushion, of course, but the goal was to have our family complete by the time we turned 30—in 2016.

Back then, in 2008, these 22-year-old kids never considered that God might have a different plan.

Today, I’m 30, and my plan is so far off track that it went out the window a while ago.

But you know what?

I don’t feel the least bit sorry for my altered course.

For this thirtieth birthday, I felt so incredibly loved and treasured.

My sweet husband and my best friend managed to throw me a surprise party ten days before my actual birthday. (That’s a challenging feat!) I was overwhelmed by the mere presence of so many friends and family.

On my actual day of birth, I felt equally as loved all over again. Why? Because of the people in my life.

I’ve said before how grateful I am for this blessed life I live. I have an extraordinary marriage with a life-long partner, and I have relationships with family and friends that are rare and precious.

My 22-year-old self anticipated a different 30, but this newly minted 30-year-old self is quite pleased with where I am.

Sure, my metabolism might be steadily sinking, but you know what? My best days are still in front of me.

I’m only one-third (-ish) through this beautiful life, which means there’s still so much living to do.

So what’s the new plan? Well, I’ll tell ya!

The new plan is called trusting God’s plan, and it’s a great way to live:

Grateful for his goodness, mindful of His blessings, and filled with His peace for my future. 

Part 4: Giving Thanks for Canyon's Birthday

This month I’ve been blogging on Thursdays about gratitude. (If you’re catching up, read here and here and here). I’m loving how the intentional emphasis on gratitude changes my perspective every day.

Tomorrow is my nephew’s second birthday, and I feel it’s only fitting to end the month giving thanks for him! (I know, I know—I gave thanks for the people in my life last week, but he gets his own spot. ;))

Becoming Aunt Lala has been a joy and a blessing. Even when other kids come into the mix—mine or Michalea’s or Clinton’s—I don’t doubt Canyon will have his own special place, reserved only for him.

First picture - May 27, 2014

So, to the little guy who is second only to my husband—I wrote a poem in honor of his birthday:

Once upon a time, a sweet baby was born.

With joy, his whole family welcomed him into this world.

For his life, we praised the Lord.

And his place in Aunt Lala’s heart soared.

To help his mommy was Lala's great pleasure,

And Wednesdays became Dancie and Lala’s treasure.

Week by week, they held their breath—

From sleeping

And rolling

And crawling

To walking

And talking—

They marveled at his progress.

Gifted with music, he can sing any song.

Outside is his favorite; he could stay all day long.

A heart full of laughter and hugs to share.

A blessing to love, they can’t help to stare.

Although he is two and every day growing,

His Aunt Lala will never stop sowing.

For all his days, he will have his own space;

In Aunt Lala’s heart, he can’t be replaced.

Happy Birthday, Canyon, sweet boy of power.

You will become a mighty man of valor.

Know that your family loves you deeply.

We will always be here for you faithfully.

Love, Aunt Lala

I love you, Canyon! And I’m forever thankful for your birth! 

Part 3: Giving Thanks for the People in My Life

This month, I am focusing on gratitude because I’m learning the degree of peace in my heart is directly proportional to my amount of thanksgiving.

And I want God’s peace to rule in my heart.

And I want to be thankful.

I recently attended two funerals within three days. Both men were incredible leaders and mentors, and as I listened to the testimonies at their funerals, I sat amazed at the legacies they left.

They influenced people because they poured themselves into the lives of others.

Coach Warwick was my golf coach in high school, and he had an incredible gift of prophecy—the kind that called forth the truth in someone; he saw what could be, not what was.

A young man shared a story at the funeral that Coach had prophesied over him the first day he walked into the classroom.

I smiled through my tears. He did the same thing for this fourteen year old—before he was my coach, before he even knew my name. He pierced my heart and pulled out the true me that was hidden in there.

What an amazing gift and influence!

I meet close to a hundred new students as they enter my classroom each semester, and I want to have that kind of influence and encouragement for them. I want to hear God, to see each heart as He sees it, not as it appears on the outside.

Both of these men left an inspiring legacy, but they both died unexpectedly (and too soon in my opinion!). They left wives and children and young grandchildren.

I kept thinking of my own parents who are close to the same age, and not only did I find myself begging God not to take them away any time soon, but also I reminded myself to give thanks.

We are not promised tomorrow. And we are not promised that our loves ones—our spouses, our children, our parents and siblings and grandparents—will be here tomorrow either.

I have been blessed with an amazing husband, with an extraordinary family, including awesome parents and siblings, and with great friendship.

The work, the stress, the ‘to do’ lists, even the bills—that’ll all fade in and out.

But relationships are forever.

They’re worth sowing into.

And they are the greatest source of my gratitude because the best gifts God ever gave me are the people He placed in my life.

Let’s give thanks for our relationships today! (Click to Tweet) 

Part 2: Giving Thanks for Who I Am in Christ

I’m continuing this month’s focus on gratitude, and let me tell you, being intentionally focused on all that I’m thankful for continues to bring a wealth of peace to my heart.

Today I feel most thankful for who I am in Christ. The trouble, some days, is believing it.

I don't think I'll ever get a tattoo (for a few reasons—none of which are religious!!), but if I were to get a tattoo, I think I would tattoo the word BELIEVE in pretty cursive font on my wrist. 

That's the reminder I need every day. 

Jesus said it like this—this is the work you do: to believe (John 6:29). 

We have to believe three areas—all of which shape our new nature: 1) who we are in Christ; 2) who He says He is; and 3) what He says He’ll do.

Believe who I am in Christ 

- that I am whole, complete, lacking nothing

- that I am healed

- that I am enough 

- that I am redeemed, restored

- that I am righteous 

Believe who He says He is

- that He is faithful

- that He is good

- that He is enough

- that He is all-loving

- that He is healer

- that He is redeemer

- that He is shepherd and provider

- that He is Abba Daddy, Jesus Savior Lord, and Holy Helper

Believe His word, what He says He will do

- that He accomplishes His word

- that He finishes the good work 

- that He restores my soul

- that He perfects that which concerns me

- that He leads me to still waters

You may be thinking: How does believing who I am become a source of gratitude? Well, lemme tell you; it’s changed my life!

I didn’t come up with this phrase (and I’m sorry I don’t know to whom to give credit), but I like to consider myself a “recovering perfectionist.”

If Mary and Martha were a scale—a spectrum of sorts—I would be on the high Martha end. Always doing. Always working. Always stressing—and comparing and feeling exhausted.

That’s who I was—outside of who I am in Christ.

I worried constantly what others thought, and I struggled all the time with guilt—that I wasn’t doing enough or that I wasn’t enough to do it right.

I’m not saying I never struggle with those thoughts anymore, but today, I am grateful to walk in and believe who I am in Christ (emphasis on believe because it’s not always what I feel).

Because of the finished work of the cross, because of all that Jesus accomplished, He made me righteous and at peace with God. It’s always and forever as it should be between us.

I don’t have to work to please.

I don’t have to carry guilt.

I don’t have to worry that I’m insufficient or insignificant.

What a gift!

He says I’m the head and not the tail, and He thinks I’m pretty awesome.

Who I am in Christ has become a source of peace for me; it’s changed how I think about myself, how I interact with others, and how I interact with the Lord.

Today, I’m thankful for Jesus, for the cross, and for who He made me to be when I became hidden in Him.

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"Let the Peace of God Rule in Your Heart... And Be Thankful."

I love when God gives Howell and me the same word at the same time. I know it’s a moment to listen up—He wants us to hear this!

Several weeks ago, the Lord put Colossians 3:15 on my heart: “Let the peace of God rule in your heart…. And be thankful.”

My sister had given me a chalk board decoration for Christmas, and it sat without a message on my fireplace for quite some time. She told me she would write on it whatever I wanted.

When God put that verse on my heart as a word for me this season, I asked my sister to work her chalk magic and put it on the board for me.

That same weekend, the Lord put the same verse on Howell’s heart. We hadn’t talked about it—and I hadn’t told him what I had told Michalea. (He probably didn’t even notice the blank board had left the fireplace. :))

I came home from being out of town, and he had written on our little message board (where we write notes to each other—yeah, I know, we’re cute and cheesy :)).

I walked into the kitchen to see, “Let the peace of God rule in your heart.”

I asked him about it, and he said the Lord gave him that verse at men’s retreat, and He reminded him of it this weekend while I was gone.

I laughed out loud.

My new—and pretty—board came home last week, and every morning, as I sit in my chair and drink coffee and talk to Jesus, I get to be reminded of His words:

“Let the peace of God rule in your heart…”

…. When you feel stressed or overwhelmed with work.

….When you feel anxious about your writing projects.

….When you feel insecure in your friendships.

….When you feel easily annoyed or frustrated or moody.

….When you feel discouraged.

…. When you feel not enough.

…. When …. Always.

Always. Forever.

Walk in peace.

Peace is not only a fruit of the spirit—a by-product of Him when He’s moving in me—but it’s also His kingdom.

Romans 14:17 says that His kingdom is righteousness, peace, and joy. When I say, Lord, let you kingdom come today, I am opening the doors for His peace to rule in my heart.

In this moment. In every moment.

When something rules or reigns, it means it has the ultimate authority or power. The peace of God should govern us, control us, lead us, dominate us, manage us, dictate us.

But we are Americans—and we like our freedom! We don’t like those kinds of verbs (unless, of course, we’re in the position of power).

Letting God’s peace rule, reign, control our hearts isn’t really a suggestion, though; it’s a command.

Col 3:15 holds another command—and I love how short and simple it is: “…And be thankful.”

Again, this isn’t suggested; it’s commanded.

I’ve blogged about gratitude many, many times because it’s a word that has become central to my relationship with God. When I lose my thankful heart, my alignment gets out of whack really fast.

When I forget to be thankful, I become entitled—thinking not only that God owes me but also that He’s forgotten me or that He’s holding out on me.

Sooner or later, that attitude will trickle down into my relationships, too—probably starting with my own marriage.

And before I know it, there’s not only no gratitude in my heart; there’s no peace there either.

A thankful heart invites the peace of God to dictate our lives—our feelings, our thoughts, our decisions, our attitude, our words.

These two go together: Let the peace of God rule in your heart…and be thankful.

If you’re not experiencing peace today, I encourage you to spend time thanking God for what He has done for you.

I’m taking my own personal challenge to do this, and for the month of May, I want Thursdays to focus on areas of thankfulness.

Dear friends, care to join me? Let’s see how God’s peace can rule in our hearts when we are thankful. 

Click to Tweet. 

Positioning Our Hearts For Gratitude

This week the Lord put it on our heart to write about gratitude. 

Gratitude allows us to see God’s goodness despite what we think, feel, or experience at the moment.

When I pause to give thanks, the tentacles of bitterness, jealousy, or self-pity lose their grip on my heart and fall away.

Gratitude protects my heart relationships—with the Lord and with others.

Anytime I feel like God’s holding out on me—that He doesn’t really love me, and He’s not really for me—I have learned that practicing gratitude forces those false feelings to flee in the presence of the light of His goodness, of who He is and all that He has done.

Truth wins when we position ourselves to be grateful.

The same applies to your marriage.

When you start to feel like your spouse is holding out on you, doesn’t really love you, or isn’t really for you—begin to give thanks instead for whom he or she is, for all that your spouse has done before.

If you can’t think of anything to give thanks for, if your spouse is not walking with the Lord, then begin to ask God to posture your heart to receive a spirit of gratitude for your spouse. Ask the Lord to show you how HE SEES your spouse.

Regardless of how you feel, the Lord has great things to say about the son or daughter He created.

Even if your spouse seems undeserving of your gratitude, begin to prophesy—to speak truth—to whom he or she will become, whom he or she was created to be.

One final thought: Be careful with whom you associate. If your girls’ night out is a weekly husband-bashing party, if your conversations with co-workers are joke sessions about your “dumb wives,” be cautious.

What you listen to and associate yourself with will affect your heart condition: how you view your spouse and whether you speak gratitude.

Surround yourself with people who are proud of their marriage and who speak positively about their spouse—it will make a difference.

Dear ones, God is for your marriage. Even if it seems hopeless now, He doesn’t feel that way.

Position your heart to be grateful and see how powerfully your marriage is affected! 

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A Thankful Heart: Remembering God's Goodness

Happy Thanksgiving—a day of gratitude! 

I blogged last Thursday about how my heart is full of gratitude, and that theme continues to run through my mind. 

At Holiday Happening last week, I bought this sign to hang in our living room:

I love putting reminders in front of me to be grateful, to find joy, to have a thankful heart. In Psalm 84, it says that God withholds no good thing from us, and in James, we’re told that He gives good gifts. He recently told me that He actually delights in our asking Him for gifts—for the desires of our heart. 

What good Father doesn’t love to lavish His children with gifts—with unexpected surprises that bring squeals of joy? 

The hard lesson—at least for me—has been the process of asking for gifts, believing God for answered prayers, but not putting expectations on Him.  

If your expectations are in the thing you’re asking for rather than in Him, then you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. 

If you feel disappointed in God—that He’s holding out on you or that He has not delivered on His word, then your expectations are in the thing you’ve asked Him for rather than in Him. 

His Word says that those who trust IN HIM won’t be disappointed. Another verse says it like this: Wait patiently for the Lord, for my expectation is in Him.

In February of this year, I heard Danny Silk preach in Amarillo, and his sermon topic was Expectation versus Expectancy. He called God’s goodness, His blessings, “The River of Expectancy.” We should flow in this river, operate in this river—and anticipate, always, that God has good things in store for us. 

Again—He is a good Father. He withholds No. Good. Thing. And He delights in our asking. 

But expectations are like a box that we put God in when we tell Him to perform or else. When we put demands on Him, when we restrain how or what He can do in our lives, when we put restrictions on the miracle—that it must look like this and not that—we have created expectations. 

We’ve moved out of the river of expectancy and into the quicksand of disappointment. 

Howell and I have several areas in our life where we are believing God will move. If you’ve read Mark Batterson’s The Prayer Circle, he calls it circling your prayers—your specific requests. My favorite quote from Mark’s book is that the things we’re circling must not become ‘to do’ lists. (Again—that’s like a box of expectations.) Instead, he says, we have to pray for God’s will, God’s way. I love that! 

Putting expectancy versus expectations into practice is harder than it sounds—or maybe, for some, it's as hard as it sounds. :) Last May, I asked God, “How do I pray into these areas of our life, how do I continue asking and believing to see You move, to see a miracle, without putting You in a box or putting my hope and expectation in the thing?”

His answer to me? 

REMEMBER MY GOODNESS.

God’s goodness is inherent in His nature—He is a GOOD GOD. And when we remember His goodness, we remain grateful. We remember the blessings. We remember His faithfulness, His answers, His gifts.

Remembering God's goodness is the antidote to hopelessness.  A grateful heart overcomes feelings of disappointment.

What are you believing God for today? Have you put Him in a box with expectations—a timeline or a set of parameters in which He is supposed to perform?  Or is your faith—the foundation of your belief—rooted in gratitude and in the inherent goodness of God? 

I encourage you, friend, on this day of Thanksgiving—and every day, have a thankful heart.

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