Who's the Leader?

My best friend and I like to joke about who is the leader. We've been friends a long time, and over the years, we have bragging rights about who discovered a certain restaurant first or introduced us to a certain pop-culture icon, like a media platform or Netflix show or an artist (FYI - I still get dibs on Snapchat and Adele ;)).

When we're deciding what to do while hanging out, one of us will joke that we should go with X or Y plan because "I'm the leader."

More recently, we were hiking in Palo Duro Canyon over the summer with our husbands, and we were in front with the boys behind us. We'd playfully edge in front of each other and say, "No, you're following me. I'm the leader."

Of course, our running banter is all in good jest, but the Lord reminded me of it, especially our silliness while hiking, as I've been mediating on Mark 8:34, where Jesus says to take up your cross daily and follow me.

My friend and I at the Canyon that day no doubt provide a picture of my heart sometimes, wrestling with Jesus to be first, to be in control, to be the leader.

But you know what the Lord gently whispered? You can't lead when you're following.

The very principal of following Jesus means I'm not leading--He is. 

He is the King of this Kingdom, and yes, I am His daughter, and yes, He has given me an inheritance and status and all the riches of His glorious hope.

But I'm still to be submitted to Him. He's in charge.

This verse says to take up our cross daily, I think, because we need to remember to choose submission to His authority every day, every moment.

The Lord always amazes me. Even when I'm trying to be in control, and it's falling apart, I can usually look back and later see how He actually orchestrated an even greater plan.

So, Lord, let me--let us--remember today: there's only one leader in this relationship, and it's You.

May we choose to follow you daily.

Who’s Leading this Dance?

After we’d been married a little over a year, Howell bought me dancing lessons for Christmas, which was an awesome gift because I love to dance. Within only a few minutes of our first private lesson, the instructor was already correcting my attempts to lead.

We laugh about it now, and sometimes when we’re dancing, Howell still has to remind me.

But as a newlywed, I not only wanted to lead when we danced; I often plowed over Howell’s leadership, asserting my opinion of what I thought we should do.

Our marriage fell into that habit within the first year or two. Howell would defer to me, and I would decide what we should do.

In the last several years, however, I’ve found so much value in letting him lead, and as I was reflecting on 2017, I kept coming back to how much I’d learned about submission and following my husband’s leadership during the really hard times.

We faced a lot of transitions in 2017, but every time we were confronted with a decision, when I felt anxious about what to do, or when a new or unexpected opportunity opened, I looked to Howell.

My go-to phrase became, “You tell me what you think we should do, and I’ll support whatever you decide.”

These words weren’t empty or manipulative; there wasn’t a hidden agenda. I found myself in a place where I needed to know what he wanted more than I needed to give my opinion, and his direction brought me peace because I trust him. I know he hears from God, and he’s going to obey.

So if Howell thinks we should do something new, I can be at peace with that, and if Howell thinks we should stay the course, I can be at peace with that.

I’m not suggesting I can’t or don’t have an opinion anymore or even that wives shouldn’t speak their mind. But while my hubs cares about me and wants to know what I think, he’s still the head of our house, and he shoulders the responsibilities for our family.

2017 challenged us in many ways, as we stepped out in faith and tried to do what we felt God was asking us to do. We grew closer than ever—a interesting outcome to ponder given that early last year someone prophesied over us we would soon reach a new honeymoon phase in our marriage.

The more I’ve learned to listen to my husband and acknowledge his decisions and support him, the more he feels confident and encouraged to lead—even when or if it feels like a crazy or scary change to make.

Friends, if your shoulders feel heavy with the weight of decisions to make—whether big or small, I encourage you to let your husbands make the call.

Your hubs will feel respected, and you’ll feel released from carrying the burden on your own.

I firmly believe God blesses us when we honor our husbands in this way.

How can you let your husband lead you today? 

It's Okay: Ask for Help!

Last week, I had to go to the store after work—and then Howell went with me again after I got home because of an important item I’d forgotten in my hasty visit.

I’d spent hardly any time at home between grocery store one and grocery store two. We had dinner plans after that, so we jumped from one place to the other.

We didn’t get home until after 9:00 p.m., and I still needed to make sausage balls for a work event the following day.

As we were leaving dinner, I grabbed Howell’s hand and said, “I need help!” J

Y’all. I know I say it a lot, but my husband is the best.

We got home, and he pulled out the mixing bowls while I pulled out the ingredients, and we stood—side by side—rolling 100 sausage balls.

I finished in probably half the time it would have taken me (rolling takes the most time, really), and I was grateful for his help.

That got me thinking: remember when I said that our husbands want to help; we need only ask them?

Sometimes I don’t even realize I’m trying to do it all until I’ve completely worn myself out.

Any time I ask Howell to help me with something (“Can you pick up the dry cleaning?” “Can you run to the store on your way home?” “Can you do…?”), he’s always happy to do so.

The problem is, I forget to ASK FOR HELP.

Can anyone relate?

Wives, we weren’t meant to shoulder all the weight.  

Although 1 Peter 3:7 is addressing what husbands should do, I love what Julie, our pastor's wife, pointed out last week at the women's event. She said, the Bible calls US the WEAKER vessel. It's okay. Get over it. Accept it. Be happy about it.

#Truth 

Sometimes I'm so busy trying to be strong, that I forget it's okay to be weak. Not only does the Lord tell us that when we're weak, He's strong, but also He gave us husbands who are strong for us. 

Culture tells women to be independent--not in need of a man. I’m all for empowering women from subjugation, but in marriage, that still must be balanced with biblical truth.

And the truth is, we were made to be a helpmate for our husbands, and our husbands are to lead and cover us.

If you feel overwhelmed today, ask your husband for help—or ask him to help you say no if there’s too much on your plate. Let him lead you—and let him share the weight. He is strong and able, I promise. 

Experiencing God's Peace

I’ve told you that my word this year is peace, and last Sunday at CORE, our pastor preached on peace.

Coincidence? I think not! J

The word peace in the Greek means ‘mended, mendedness, reconciled, brought back together.’

Doesn’t that create a beautiful word-picture when we consider that through Jesus, we have peace with God?

Peace with God restores us to a place of order, a place without chaos.

I felt like the Lord showed me that the word peace for 2017 does not mean that the year will be calm or quiet or without trials.

He gave me the word peace because this is the year Howell and I will learn to walk in peace—regardless of our circumstances.

When Howell tried to erase our marker board, which has read “Let the peace of God rule in your heart” since last spring, God told him to put it back up there.

Apparently, we still have much to learn about letting God’s peace rule in our heart.

I’ve blogged before about this verse—that we’re commanded to let peace rule, which means have utter authority, like a judge that presides over our hearts.

When I don’t feel at peace, when life feels chaotic or out of control, I need only consider who or what is ruling my heart.

Probably, it’s Laura. Probably I’m trying to do it all or make something happen or carry a burden I never should’ve picked up.

Job 22:21 says, “Agree with God and be at peace.”

The Amplified version says, “Now yield and submit yourselves to Him [agree with God and be conformed to His will] and be at peace.”

Again, if I’m not feeling peaceful, am I submitted to God? Am I agreeing with Him for whatever situation I’m facing?

Our pastor told us, “Maybe instead of praying for peace, you need to pray for your heart to be submitted to the Lordship of God in your life.”

Wow.

May my heart be at peace—always.

May I allow God’s peace to have utter authority in my heart at all times.

May I position my heart this year to agree with God, to be submitted wholly to His Lordship.

Click to Tweet: Does life feel chaotic or out of control? @Grace2Write shares how you can experience God’s peace in your life. 

Honor in Marriage (Part 1)

I want to write about honoring our husbands, but if you’re like me, you may need a little disclaimer first.

In grad school, my eyes were opened to women’s rights issues and the real inequality women face, especially women of color.

My mantra became about empowering women, and I wrote several papers in school about women in the church. My best friend loves to say, “Power to the SHE” (because she loves Athleta :)), and that spoke to my heart too.

So, for many years of marriage, I tuned out sermons about submission, which I felt was just rhetoric to get women to a place of powerlessness. Fortunately for me, I married a man who is pro-women and who did not feel the least bit threatened by my independence.

I still wholeheartedly believe that women can have a role in leadership in the church and that God created us equally (suggested readings: Women in the Church, Why Not Women?, and Powerful and Free).

But my heart toward submission and honor has also changed, as I’ve learned it’s not either/or; it’s both/and.

Howell and I make decisions together. We equally contribute and share. But submission means that I “come under” his vision. I trust his vision for our family is also submitted to God’s vision, and I get to support that.

It’s not about “who’s the boss” or CEO versus GM. That kind of attitude creates power struggles that lead to dishonor.

We rarely disagree about a decision, but when he feels led to do something, I am instructed by God’s word to support his decision.

Submission, unfortunately, has become a term about service and subjugation, and so we have this picture that a submitted woman serves her husband’s meals, gets his paper and coffee, waits on him hand and foot, never speaks against him, never voices an opinion, never disagrees, etc. It looks a lot like this: 

God’s heart is not for one-sided service in marriage. We’re to serve each other equally. We’re also to honor each other in marriage.

But honor is not subjugation.

In fact, honor really means releasing control and exercising self-control.

When we try to manipulate our husbands, that’s not honor. And when we try to blame our husbands, that’s not honor either.

But when we honor each other in marriage, we actually both become empowered—as free, powerful people who can hear from God and speak His truth and vision.

Wives do have special instructions to submit to their husbands, and I believe God blesses us when we choose to support our husbands instead of tearing them down or manipulating them.

Husbands are our authority; the bible is clear about that.

But, unless you’re in an abusive relationships, your husband doesn’t want to own you or control you. He probably values your opinion when you give it in an honoring way. He wants to make decisions as a team. He wants to know you trust and support that he hears from God too.

As a woman, you don’t have to give up your voice. You’re still empowered by God to do His kingdom work. You are still created equally, beloved and favored.

But when you know who you are in Christ, you also feel comfortable releasing control. You no longer need to control your husband (or your kids) because you know, “The only person I can control on a good day is myself” (Danny Silk).

From that place of freedom and empowerment, you can honor your husband the way he desires to be honored. 

Click to Tweet: Need honor in your marriage? @Grace2Write shares why an empowered wife honors her husband. #MarriageMonday