In the Stillness: Hearing God's Voice

Fall has arrived, and my heart is full of gratitude. This is the season to be thankful, no? I love those moments when we get to take a ‘timeout,’ sit in front of the fire, maybe watch a little Hallmark Christmas movie.

Photo bomb compliments of Rizzoli! :)

I had the opportunity to rest on Sunday (which seems appropriate since we’re to honor the Sabbath once during our week), and I was thankful for the time to reflect. We have been going and going with something almost every night of the week for a while, and finally, we had a night at home!

Across from me on the couch, I found myself staring at a recent gift Tomi gave me:

Thankful, Grateful, Blessed. 

Amen. 

I have found more peace in 2015 than I’ve had in recent years—and not because of any major life event, not because I’ve experienced any specific changes. I’m still married to the same incredible man. I have the same amazing job. I teach the same remarkable classes. My routine is untouched for the most part. 

But I’ve experienced God’s nearness this year—His presence and His overwhelming love—in a way I can’t fully express. God is always good, always faithful, but this year, He has been so near, so tangible. And He has changed my heart in more ways than I can measure. 

Early in the year, I spent 40 days in intimate prayer with Him, recording His words to me every day. Those days were powerful, and I learned to recognize and be confident in hearing God’s voice. Even after the 40 days were over, I loved to hear His words to me—His personal words—every day. I am for you. I love you. I want to carry all your burdens. 

This fall semester has been crazy busy—more so than any I can remember. I can’t put a finger on it; I don’t know exactly what the difference is. But if I’m not careful to stop, to listen—I’ll miss His words to me. I’ll miss the gifts He gives me every day. 

Sometimes in our busyness it’s easy to overlook God speaking to us, and instead, our own thoughts crowd our head. 

I have too much to do.

I don’t have enough time.

I didn’t finish that today—and I really needed to.

I shouldn’t have …

I can’t…

I won’t….

On Sunday, our pastor read an excerpt from a book titled The Soul of Money. The writer notes that we wake up every morning thinking of how we didn’t get enough sleep, we have too much to do—we wake up feeling behind. Then we go to bed thinking of all that we haven’t done or didn’t accomplish in that day—we go to bed feeling unworthy, inadequate. 

This, my friends, is no place to live. 

Before we know it, we are operating from a mindset of lack instead of a mindset that says He is enough, and we are enough, and we can do everything through Him. Grace, my friends. Grace is God’s ability, God’s power in us. 

He gives grace to the weak.

He gives more grace to those who are humble.

Grace upon grace.

There’s grace for you today. Breathe in. Close your eyes. Stop for five minutes. Turn off your phone. Ask the Holy Spirit to come in power, to fill you fully.

He will.  He always will.

Choosing Joy!

As of Saturday, we have lived in Plainview for one month. It is a little crazy to think about how quickly the time has passed, especially considering how many months and months (10 to be exact) we spent praying and waiting for God to move on our behalf. God's hand has so clearly been in everything that has happened--from the smooth closings, the available funds, the moving process, and even unpacking.

I will be honest, though... Our first month in Plainview has been a little hard. We have had a few bumps in the road, some unexpected problems, namely our plumbing, which quit working the day after we moved in, and even now, one month later, is somewhat fixed, but we still don't have 100% functioning.

What I wasn't prepared for was the emotional battle my heart would face. Here God has blessed us with this beautiful house we hoped and prayed for and a five minute drive to my work, and He has provided all that we asked and needed to get us here.

And yet, within a week of living in Plainview, I suddenly felt very lonely and vulnerable. I missed my friends and family in Lubbock, especially on the nights Hal traveled, and I was acutely aware that I had no social life. At the same time, I felt so overwhelmed to live in this kid-ready house with a playroom and a swing set and access to a community pool. Everything reminded me that I'm not pregnant, we don't have kids, and I'm still just an outsider looking in.

For weeks I have had this battle in my heart--and for weeks, I felt like I've been losing.

But this weekend the Lord reminded me that He is for me, not against me. I know He called us to Plainview. I know He gave us this exact house for an important reason. I know He has a plan.

Friday night, we got to hear Dr. Ben Carson speak. Among his many other accomplishments, his life story and all that he has had to overcome just blew me away. He repeatedly talked about personal choice, saying, "The person who is most responsible for what happens to you in life is you."

I get to choose. I choose what my attitude will be. I choose whether or not I'll have joy or sorrow. And when I don't choose His promises or all that He has for me, I am letting the enemy rob me of my joy. When I don't choose thankfulness for all that He has provided, I am letting the enemy steal my testimony.

So, we don't have kids... So, I don't have a lot of friends (yet). I have a lot of other blessings in my life, including an incredible husband, who is my best friend. And the friendships I do have are far richer in quality than they would ever be in quantity. (I mean, how many friends will spend 14 hours in one day helping you paint--and get back into the house you've accidentally locked yourself out of!!)

My God has abundantly and richly blessed me, and if I will remember that He is my provider, my sufficiency, my security, and my hope, then I can change the attitude of my heart and in exchange, receive His spirit of joy and grace and thankfulness. I may not have the full picture. I may  not see His full purpose for us in Plainview, but He does. And if I really believe in His goodness, if I really believe in His faithfulness, then I can trust Him, beyond my circumstances, beyond my emotions, that He is still working on my behalf, that He is still with me and for me.

God is Near

At the end of Deuteronomy (31:6, 8), Moses gives a word to the people of Israel and then to Joshua personally:

• "Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God He is one who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you." 
• "Be strong and of good courage....And the Lord, He is the one who goes before you. He will be with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed." 

Then at the beginning of the book of Joshua, God again directly gives this word to Joshua as he steps into Moses' position: 

• "As I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you nor forsake you." 

The phrase "I will never leave you nor forsake you" is referenced again in Hebrews 13:5, and it serves as a comfort and a reminder of another one of God's attributes: His nearness. He is always near. He is with us. His nearness is, to me, an endearing attribute. And yet, how often do I forget that He is with me? At times of major crises, this attribute is, of course, the one we cling to most. But for the every day, the mundane, the day in and day out? At the end of John, Jesus tells his disciples He is sending the Holy Spirit, who will be their helper. Literally, this means One who walks with or walks beside. 

This week has been a crazy week for me. Sometimes I let life pile higher and higher until I'm overwhelmed, and this week has been one of those weeks where I over-commit myself and promise too much to too many. By the end of the week, I'm running on empty, and I'm thinking, how did I get here? 

The Lord gave me a picture as if I were putting a piece of furniture together by myself, and I needed to hold the two ends "just so" while I drilled. I can't hold two pieces and drill at the same time. Imagine, though, that someone is sitting next to me as I squirm and wiggle trying to hold the pieces "just so" while I drill. It seems foolish, right? Why wouldn't I just say, "Hey, can you help me out here?" 

Now, that's just one project--maybe a once-in-a-while kinda thing. But imagine if I were putting furniture together for a living. Day in and out, I'm squirming and wiggling and frustrated trying to balance everything "just so" while my partner, my helper sits there next to me, twiddling his thumbs. 

It's a silly picture, but visually it really resonates within me--as someone who has put together a lot of furniture over the years and as someone who doesn't do very well letting others (a.k.a. Hal) help me as I do it. 

It's no less foolish to live like I have this week, trying to juggle it all. I've been forgetful (for three days in a row, I ran out of the house in such a hurry I forgot to set meat out to thaw for dinner), I've been late to every appointment or meeting I've had (which, if you know me, is very unlike me!) because I'm always on the rush, from here to there, trying to get one more thing in, and I've been exhausted. I got so run-down from staying up til 1 a.m. trying to "get it all done," that by Wednesday, I was sick. This always happens to me, too... I let myself get so worn down that I just end up sick. 

And at the end of the week, my Helper gently says, "You know, if you'd like, I can hold those two boards while you drill." 

The point is God is always near. It's not only an inherent attribute, it's His promise too: I will never leave you nor forsake you. And we have the Holy Spirit to help us, to walk alongside us. He's more than a fire fighter or a disaster relief aide. He is there for the every day to empower us. 

This week is over - and I'm so thankful. Because of this week, I got to be reminded of God's most endearing attribute, that He is near. But next week, I want to live by that truth and walk, instead, with the empowerment of the One who walks alongside me.