Who's Responsible?

Dr. Eggerichs ends the Love and Respect DVDs with an important final point: “My response is my responsibility.”

We are to love our spouse or respect our spouse, as unto the Lord, which means it’s not really about that person. It’s about my relationship with God and whether I’m going to be obedient to what He’s asked me to do.

What has He asked?

The message is real clear in Ephesians 5:33: Husbands, love your wives, and Wives, respect your husband.

It’s not easy—but it’s not rocket science. 

So this phrase, “My response is my responsibility,” reminds me I’m in control of my own action and not anyone else’s.

It makes me think of my favorite Danny Silk quote: “The only person I can control on a good day is me.”

Although in the heat of an argument, it’s so tempting to assert that our husbands are making us mad, or hurt, or whatever it is we’re feeling, the truth is, they’re not. We are choosing to feel the way we feel.

Even if your hubs is in the wrong, you’re still choosing your response.

So I’ve been thinking about this message—how great and wonderful it sounds and how very hard it is to practice—and I feel like the Lord showed me that this concept is deeply tied to our identity.

If I know who I am in Chris, then I am secure. I don’t have to defend myself, assert my position, compete, manipulate, or exasperate.

Whatever the circumstance—and really, this truth applies beyond marriage, if I am confident in my position as a child of God, as covered by His righteousness, as whole, complete, lacking nothing, then I’m free to not react or respond in any way except the one He’s called me to.

Regardless of how unloving an action or a statement might feel, if I’m certain of God’s love for me and if that’s enough, really enough, to satisfy me, then I’m not empty in that moment. I’m not in need of approval or affirmation.

And even if our husbands' actions don’t feel loving, we can, from that confidence in our identity, still choose to offer respect in response.

God has asked us to respect our husband, and when we do it, we’re honoring and obeying Him. So if it feels hard in those moments, when your man has stepped on your air hose, remember who God says you are, and remember how He feels about you!

My prayer, friends, is that we would come to a greater, richer understanding of who we are in Christ, that our identity would be rooted into the depths of our hearts. May we know how deep and far and wide His love is. Unfailing. Never ending. Unconditional. May we encounter Him, keeping our connection full.