Since Laura and I have started blogging about marriage,
we’ve covered several good techniques and attitudes to use in your marriage on
a daily basis. But what does all that mean if you only use it for a few days or
even weeks before you fall back into old habits? In our marriage, I’ve noticed
that I have a tendency to revert to my old ways; once things are going great, I
get complacent. Being an extraordinary spouse requires the same amount of
effort and determination over time that being great at anything else requires.
Seeing results over the long term requires two things, commitment and
consistency.
Commitment +
Consistency = Results
When something is important to us, commitment is the easy
part. Every spouse wants to have a wonderful marriage. If you didn’t want a
good marriage, you wouldn’t have chosen this person to spend the rest of your
life with you. Having a wonderful marriage isn’t that easy though, which is why
I’m writing about being married and not about choosing a spouse. So what does
commitment mean in marriage? It means being unselfish. Most people, whether
they want to admit it or not, are generally selfish in their marriage. All of
us are selfish at least some of the time, but being conscious of it and
committed to change is key.
What is commitment without consistency, though? I have a
personal goal of being healthy. I am committed to exercising daily, but I don’t
do it consistently, so I don’t see results. A study at the University College
of London showed that it took 66 days of doing something consecutively to
create a habit. That is consistency. You must remind yourself of what your
goals are and why you are trying to accomplish it. Let’s be real: having an
extraordinary marriage will be very difficult, seemingly impossible. But great marriages exist. We’ve all seen at
least one. So what’s the key to consistency?
I can’t speak for everyone, but for me, it takes one foundational
choice: spending time with and trusting in the Lord. As imperfect people, we
lose patience and steadfastness, and as a result, we lose our consistency. We
get the energy, patience, and fortitude to continue toward the goal of a
wonderful marriage only when the Holy Spirit is our source. His will is for you
to have a wonderful marriage, and with discipline and commitment, He will help
you stay consistent with good habits.
We want to spend the next few Mondays blogging about 5 Good
Habits for Marriage:
- Establish a prayer time
- Create a communication plan
- Set a vision for your future
- Guard against temptations
- Plan a date night for connection and intimacy
Remember, commitment plus consistency equals results. Hopefully,
you are firmly committed to your marriage, and through the Holy Spirit, you can
learn to be consistent and create good habits for developing an extraordinary
marriage.
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