When I don't understand the Lord--why He is doing something or how He's going to work something out, I start to avoid. I like the word 'avoid' rather than run because I like to think I've matured enough in our relationship that I don't run away; I just avoid.
An avoider is a psychological term I got from an incredible book titled How We Love (I highly, highly recommend it!). When my heart isn't feeling it, when I don't want to feel what I feel (that's probably a better way of putting it), I just avoid. A little. Sometimes.
It's not that I'm outwardly rebellious. It's not that I don't keep talking to God. It's just, quite simply, about my heart. I avoid talking about the real feeling.
And, of course, I avoid Christian music.
But I'm always amazed how God can speak to me anyway, even when I think I'm avoiding. He is a gentleman (Erika likes to use that description). He won't force Himself on us; He won't control us. He politely asks us to dinner. He politely pursues us and woos us.
So this week, it was through Justin Timberlake. I know, right? I heard a song of his, and God said, "That's my love song to you," and I just lost it in the car (ask my husband who looked at me so confused because 30 seconds before, we were jammin' out and havin' a grand ole time!).
I won't post all the lyrics (read them here), but here are some of my favorites:
Said all I want from you is to see you tomorrow, and every tomorrow, maybe you'll let me borrow your heart.
Don't you know that I could be that guy to heal it over time, and I won't stop until you believe it, 'cause baby you're worth it.
So don't act like it's a bad thing to fall in love with me. You might look around and find your dreams come true with me. Spent all your time and your money just to find out that my love was free.
Wow. Of course, Justin isn't writing a worship song from God's perspective, but those are some powerful truths: that He is after our heart, that He heals our pain, that He loves us so fully, so freely, that He won't stop because we are worth it to Him.
Sometimes the simple truth is the one we don't want to hear. Sometimes the truth is that we just don't understand. (Sorry Cowboys fans. :))
But we serve a God who loves us so deeply He sacrificed, He gave, He fought for us, for our hearts to be in relationship with His. We serve a God who never stops pursuing us. And we can put our hope in Him, in His goodness, in His love.
We may not have it figured out all the time. Some days we may feel discouraged or disappointed. Some days, we can't see why or how.
But when you get to that place, when you feel that way (and maybe when you want to avoid, too), breathe deeply in His love and let Him refresh you with His songs of truth. And when you exhale, you'll find yourself full of grace, full of faith to trust Him again.