Many years ago, I wrote these words in my journal:
“Live by faith. Live by grace.
Live fully. You get to choose how you live today.”
[Tweet this.]
I feel like God reminded me of these words last week for a particular area of my life, but I also think these words are especially true for our marriage. I have learned there are a lot of things in my life that I cannot control. I cannot control the traffic lights on the way to work, when I’m running five minutes late. I cannot control when my precious dog tears down our door frame and sets off the alarm because of an unexpected thunderstorm while we are at work (yeah—that happened last week :)). And, most importantly, I cannot control the timing of God’s plan.
But I have also learned that we’re not just puppets on a string. God has given us the ability and the opportunity to choose. We get to make choices every day. We get to choose how we will live our life. We get to choose faith or doubt, life or death, peace or worry, anger or forgiveness. We get to choose!
Most marriages have a partner who is quick to forgive (and usually quick to apologize) and another partner who is not so quick to do either. In our marriage, Howell tends to be the better half—not only is he quick to ask for my forgiveness when he knows I am upset, but he also forgives quickly if I’ve upset him. Within a few minutes of being offended, he can change his whole attitude, extend his forgiveness, and we move on. I, on the other hand, am not always as good at this. Maybe it is a “woman” thing, but it’s harder to just “get over it” (however small “it” is) when he has hurt my feelings. Even though he has apologized. Even though he has asked for my forgiveness. Sometimes, I just say I need space, or I need time.
I’m not saying “time” or “space” isn’t a good thing for some arguments, but God is teaching me that I ought not to need much time or space at all. Time is precious. Each second is a gift. And we are not in control of the seconds, minutes, or hours in our lifetime. But we are in control of our choices. We are in control of how we are going to react or respond. Every minute that I let pass being upset or offended with Howell is time wasted, a gift not spent.
It feels strange at first…when I want to hold on to the “it” and stay mad. But I get to choose life. I get to choose forgiveness. I get to choose joy and love.
It’s so rewarding when you choose to release, to let go. I remember the first time I made the choice. What would normally have been a 10-, 15-, or 30-minute argument was over in two minutes. After I had taken offense over whatever “it” was, I took a deep breath. I closed my eyes. I prayed for grace. And I said, “I forgive you.” Making that choice is always freeing, but it’s truly special when you forgive quickly, when you just release the offense and let God fill your heart with love again. Your spouse will be released, as well.
Practice forgiveness in your marriage, always. But also practice making good choices. Choose life. Choose to love your spouse. Choose to live by God’s grace. You get to choose how you live today.
No comments:
Post a Comment