Monday, October 12, 2015

Yes, Dear

I often hear husbands say that the two most important words you can know to keep your wife happy are "Yes, Dear" or that the best phrases to learn are "Yes, Dear; I'm sorry; You're right; and It won't happen again." 

Among men, this is a joke, but it’s also taken seriously. I'm not saying that as men, you can never be wrong, but I am saying that we can't just say what our spouses want to hear to get out of an undesirable situation. I have several issues with this cultural paradigm that has arisen.

I'll be the first to admit that for years, I was very guilty of this. I'm what we like to call a natural pleaser. I don't like conflict in my relationships, and before I was truly transformed by the Holy Spirit, I would do or say just about anything to make Laura not mad at me anymore. What did this really yield? More heartache and rejection feelings on both sides, not to mention, it doubled the length of our arguments.

This attitude is really saying, "Yes, Dear, I'm lying to you by saying what you want to hear so I can go do what I think is best, no matter what you think." BE AN ADULT. Real relationships are defined by truth, and if this is your way of dealing with issues, then it isn't a real relationship. I know that sounds harsh, but when I compare the time in which I just told Laura what she wanted to hear and the time in which I've been truthful and really dealt with issues head-on, in a loving way, the two don't really even look close. 

What if, instead of just saying whatever you think will end this discussion the fastest, you have your spouse sit down with you and have a face-to-face discussion about the issue. Don't completely assume that you are right or wrong immediately. Listen to what she has to say about the problem; ask her how it makes her feel. Tell her what your true intention was and talk about how you think things may have gone better if one or both of you had approached the situation in a different manner. Now for the tough part, you may have to actually apologize and mean it if you are wrong. Usually though, in my short experience, after we have figured out what the root cause was, one (or both) of us is sincere about apologizing for what happened.

I hope this helps you as much as it has helped us. We are truly closer than ever and have a deeper connection than ever because of this insight.  

Howell | @g2whubs

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