A Letter to My Mom-Friends

Hey mom-friend. I see you, and this week, this month, my heart is filled with compassion for you. Your job is hard work, and it never stops. Even when your kiddo sleeps, you’re not done. There are bottles to be washed, laundry to be done, adult-conversations to be had.

I’m not there yet—but I see you.

I see you when your kid is sick and your whole routine is thrown off, when you miss work and that lunch date and the social event you hoped to go to. I see you when you can’t make it to the party because you can’t find childcare or when you take your kid out and hope to God he or she behaves. But then they don’t, and you wish the earth would open up and swallow you inside, and you think, Why did I think we could eat out or go to the grocery store or do anything in public—ever.

I see you when you feel like you are doing a hundred things, but not one thing very well, when you feel like a failure at work because your attention is at home or when you feel like a failure at home because your attention is at work. I see you when you feel alone, like no one else is failing like you are, when you make your mom-of-the-year joke about forgetting this or being late to that.

I see you.

Tuesday night Hal and I got home from work. I grilled chicken outside while he trimmed the bushes. After we ate, we went for a three-mile walk, and then spontaneously decided to get Sonic shakes (yeah—I know, good choice after exercising). We sat on the porch and drank our shakes and watched the sun set.

You probably can’t remember the last time you watched the sun set with your husband. And if dinner gets cooked at all, there’s a lot of shared work involved. Multitasking takes on a whole new level as you hope, fingers crossed, that the kid stays entertained while you chop veggies or flip the meat. 

Your meal always waits anyway—if it happens at all, until your kid is fed, maybe even bathed and put to bed. It’s 9:00, and you think, Did I eat tonight?

Impulsive decisions aren’t really an option anymore, especially when it involves a car seat. That quick trip just added several more minutes to the tab. Every choice is balanced with—is it worth it?

So, I want to say this to you, my mom-friend:

You have permission to miss your social life. And your consecutive eight hours of sleep. And any few minutes of peace and quiet. And sunsets with your husband.

You have permission to feel: Feel tired. Feel overwhelmed. Feel nostalgic for those yesteryears.

But please don’t ever feel inadequate. Never feel guilty. Never feel alone.

You have permission to be: Be late. Be scatterbrained. Be distracted.

But don’t ever beat yourself up. Never lose sight of who you are in Christ—you are enough. You are full of grace and power. You are equipped to train and raise up your child in the way he should go.

I am proud of you, of the work you’re doing. It’s worth the investment.

Someday I’ll join you, and I hope you’ll encourage me, too, when I feel discouraged, when I feel overworked, when I feel like the job never stops. You’ll remind me that we’re equipped for this work. You’ll remind me that it’s a blessing and a privilege.

And so today—I want you to remind you. You are tucked securely and safely in your Father’s hands. He’s holding you—and He’s holding your kid, too. He is filling you with all the fullness of Christ, grace upon grace.

I see you—but more than that, He is El Roi: The God Who Sees.

He sees every dream, every hope, every plan. He sees every thought, every perceived failure, every fear.

Show him your heart today and let him exchange it with His grace.

I love you my friend.

                                                                    

Cleansing 10 Lepers; Healing One Soul

I was reading this morning in Luke 17: 11-19 about Jesus healing 10 lepers (read the whole story here), and a few things stood out to me:

1) All 10 lepers cry out to Jesus to be healed. We have to ask, to make our request. I saw a tweet today that said God will not answer 100% of the prayers you don't pray.

2) Jesus gives them a command: to go and show themselves to the priest. At this point, they are still lepers. Can you imagine walking away from Jesus, thinking, But I'm still a leper? How can I present myself to the priest? But the Word says "As they went, they were cleansed." They had to go first in obedience. Then they were healed.

The Greek word for cleansed here (v. 14) literally means 'to cleanse from filth, to make clean from leprosy." The other word used here for healed (v. 15) means 'to heal, cure, restore to bodily health." On both accounts, we're talking about a physical healing.

3) Of the 10, only one returns to Jesus to give thanks.

4) To the one who offers thanks, to the one who is grateful, Jesus declares him well. Other translations include "whole." The Greek word here is sozo. A beautiful word that means "to save" in other places of scripture, in other places where we link saving to salvation. However, this word also means "heal, preserve, be (make) whole."

This is the same word used in Romans 10:9 that if we confess with our mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in our heart that God raised Him from the dead, we will be saved [sozo]. and in Romans 10:13: "For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved [sozo]."

There are three words in this passage that can all be translated in other places of scripture as 'healed.' But only one man received sozo healing.

What I Learned this Week from the Cowboys and Justin Timberlake and God

Well, the Cowboys lost yesterday, and all I could think, all I kept saying was, "I just don't understand how that wasn't a catch." Yes, Mike Pereira explained the rule, and I read articles and watched videos, trying to understand. But in the end, I kept coming back to the same conclusion: I just don't understand. Ever feel that way?

When I don't understand the Lord--why He is doing something or how He's going to work something out, I start to avoid. I like the word 'avoid' rather than run because I like to think I've matured enough in our relationship that I don't run away; I just avoid.

An avoider is a psychological term I got from an incredible book titled How We Love (I highly, highly recommend it!). When my heart isn't feeling it, when I don't want to feel what I feel (that's probably a better way of putting it), I just avoid. A little. Sometimes.

It's not that I'm outwardly rebellious. It's not that I don't keep talking to God. It's just, quite simply, about my heart. I avoid talking about the real feeling.

And, of course, I avoid Christian music.

But I'm always amazed how God can speak to me anyway, even when I think I'm avoiding. He is a gentleman (Erika likes to use that description). He won't force Himself on us; He won't control us. He politely asks us to dinner. He politely pursues us and woos us.

So this week, it was through Justin Timberlake. I know, right? I heard a song of his, and God said, "That's my love song to you," and I just lost it in the car (ask my husband who looked at me so confused because 30 seconds before, we were jammin' out and havin' a grand ole time!).

I won't post all the lyrics (read them here), but here are some of my favorites:

Said all I want from you is to see you tomorrow, and every tomorrow, maybe you'll let me borrow your heart. 

Don't you know that I could be that guy to heal it over time, and I won't stop until you believe it, 'cause baby you're worth it. 

So don't act like it's a bad thing to fall in love with me. You might look around and find your dreams come true with me. Spent all your time and your money just to find out that my love was free. 

Wow. Of course, Justin isn't writing a worship song from God's perspective, but those are some powerful truths: that He is after our heart, that He heals our pain, that He loves us so fully, so freely, that He won't stop because we are worth it to Him.

Sometimes the simple truth is the one we don't want to hear. Sometimes the truth is that we just don't understand. (Sorry Cowboys fans. :))

But we serve a God who loves us so deeply He sacrificed, He gave, He fought for us, for our hearts to be in relationship with His. We serve a God who never stops pursuing us. And we can put our hope in Him, in His goodness, in His love.

We may not have it figured out all the time. Some days we may feel discouraged or disappointed. Some days, we can't see why or how.

But when you get to that place, when you feel that way (and maybe when you want to avoid, too), breathe deeply in His love and let Him refresh you with His songs of truth. And when you exhale, you'll find yourself full of grace, full of faith to trust Him again.

The Joy and Gratefulness of Being Aunt Lala

I love my sister. I love that our personalities are completely opposite. I was reminded of this recently when we exchanged cars so I could keep Canyon for the afternoon. I stepped out of my car that was clean and vacuumed into my sister’s car—with more water bottles than you could count and last month’s mail in the front seat. Some people might call that motherhood, but I know the truth. (And by the way, that new reality may be true for me someday.) But Michaela’s car has looked like that for as long as she’s been driving. I know this because I would shove the papers and the water bottles out of the way as I sat in her purple blazer, waiting for her to drive me to school. I say waiting because I was downstairs and ready a good 20 minutes early every morning…so I could wait…

People have asked me: Is it hard being around Canyon? Have you struggled since your sister had a baby? I would say there have been hard days, but we—Michalea and I—we have wept together. That’s how we do things in our family. Together.

I’ve never been around a lot of babies in my lifetime. Apart from holding a baby here and there once or twice a year, I hadn’t been around babies. And getting to be around Canyon these last six months, I now know it was God’s gift to me that my sister got pregnant before me. I don’t say that lightly. I say that with genuine gratitude. I would not want to walk what I’ve watched her walk for six months without first watching her walk it.

I’m so proud of my sister. She’s an incredible mom. Of course, I knew she would be. When it came to playing with baby dolls, she had the whole mom thing down. But watching her in action, in real time, my heart just swells with joy. I’ve spent my whole life watching her, observing, learning from her choices. Why would I think motherhood would be any different? God knew what I needed.

Canyon is her gift from God. Her blessing. I prayed for him as fervently as I’ve prayed for anything. But in an indirect way, he’s my blessing, too. I love being his Aunt Lala/Lulu (depending on who you ask!). I love him deeply.

I’m not a gifts person. I’m not a words of affirmation person, either. I’m a quality time person. It’s how I show love, and it’s how I receive love. I cultivate relationships with time. That’s my thing. So after Canyon was born, I wanted to spend as much time as I could with him—and when school started again, I wanted one day—at least one—that I could spend with him. Come hell or high water, I don’t care how much grading I have to do, Wednesdays are my day.

I know he won’t remember it. To him, it doesn’t matter if we played games or if I held him while he slept. But it matters to me. I’ll remember.

This last week, I cried almost the whole way to Lubbock to pick him up. My heart was so full of joy as I prayed for him and for my sister and for Jaime. And when, after his afternoon bottle, after he had exhausted himself playing in his bouncer, after we had sung songs and made silly faces—when he fell asleep on me for almost an hour, I cried some more.

God knew that I needed this experience. He knew I needed a baby to hold. And while we wait for our own joy and blessing, I have this gift, this sweet boy. And one day a week, I get to practice being a mom.  

This year has been a precious time for Hal and me. And although life hasn’t always turned out how I planned it, I have never felt more fully the goodness and the faithfulness of God in this season of my life.   I am grateful for His timing, for His perfect plan, and I feel so blessed. 

Trusting God with our dreams AND our finances: God's 'how' with our 'what'

On Sunday, our church had a message on finances, and I was struck by one comment in particular: finances fall under the law of sowing and reaping.

You see, we make financial choices today, good or bad, but we may not feel those effects for years to come. I've been thinking about that. We are pretty budget-conscious when it comes to our finances. We tithe, give, and save from 30% of our budget, and we try to pay our bills and live on 70%. We're not perfect, and we're not debt-free, but this practice has worked pretty well for us. 

There are days, however, when it's so tempting to think, man, if we could just use this for this, then we could have X outcome, maybe pay off X amount of debt; man, if we could just have a little more here and there, we would be set!

And that's the danger. Not the planning, the budgeting, certainly not the savings--but the mentality that if we can get to X place, we will be worry-free, our future secure. 

The danger lies in who controls your finances, in where you place your trust, in how you lean when uncertainty arises. 

The danger is forgetting that all we have is His. 

In our culture today, we like the law of immediacy, the law of "I snap, and it's done." And we look around to see where everyone else is in comparison to where we are. There's a reason keeping up with the Joneses is still a thing. 

But it's such a trap, with no long-term reward. 

I've been reading Psalm 37, and David describes two time frames: the right now and the future. Over and over, he is saying, now, it looks like this, but then, it will look like that. 

What does the future look like for the righteous man*? His righteousness will be brought forth (v. 6); he will inherit the land (vs., 9, 11, 22, 29, 34); he will have abundant peace (v. 11); he has a heritage that lasts forever (v. 18); he has abundance in the days of famine (v. 19); he is generous (now and then) (v. 21); he is not forsaken; his children are taken care of and are a blessing to him (v. 25 - 26); he is preserved (v. 28), not abandoned (v. 33), defended (v. 33). 

What an incredible list of promises! But it's a future list, not a present-day list. It's about sowing today for a harvest tomorrow. 

So what does the righteous man sow today? 

• He trusts in the Lord (v. 3, 5)
• He does good (v. 3)
• He delights in the Lord (v. 4)
• He commits his ways to the Lord (v. 5)
• He is still before the Lord (v. 7)
• He waits for the Lord (v. 7, 9)
• And he gives generously (v. 21)

That last bullet is not an accident. The big idea of last Sunday's message was that we cannot follow Jesus if we are out of balance with our finances. The righteous man in Psalm 37 is a faithful, patient, surrendered servant of the Lord. He does not compare himself to others (v. 7). He is not worried about the Joneses. 

He keeps his eyes on God, and he continues on the path before him. 

We've been reading The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson, and we have been dreaming some pretty big dreams, asking God for the impossible, the unlikely, circling desires we only whispered about as silly pillow-talk before bed. 

Big prayers don't scare God. They scare us because it's not the what but the how: how could we do that? 

And when it comes to the how, it often returns to money. That's why I think Sunday's message was so timely. Finances operate under the law of sowing and reaping. You know what? So does prayer. We sow prayers today that may not be answered for 5, 10, 15, 20 years. 

The how is God's place of miracles; the what is our heart of dreams. 

The what puts us on a path... 

Sometimes, we forget that we are 28 years old. It's okay that our savings isn't overflowing with tens of thousands of dollars (or even the Ramsey recommended 3-times your monthly expenses!). It's okay that our kids' college funds aren't fully funded (yeah, we don't have any kids yet; I think we've still got time!). And it's okay that our combined retirement funds don't even equal one-third of what we make in a given year. 

God's got all the time in the world. 

Our job is to dream big, pray big, and say yes when He asks. May we be patient, trusting, giving servants today! 

*If you're a woman and the list of 'man promises' here is hard for you, I always insert she when I read (i.e. She will inherit the land; she will have abundant peace, etc.). God's kingdom is full of righteous men and women. :)