"It Won't Always Be Like This"

“It won’t always be like this.”

These words God deposited in my heart when our baby girl was a few days old, eating around the clock every two or three hours, which meant I was sleeping in thirty- to forty-minute increments.

Little did I know then that this phrase would become a mantra for other areas of my life.

When I'm recovering from surgery, or suffering through COVID, or experiencing (most recently) food poisoning: “It won’t always be like this.”

When our girl is teething, or coughing, or going through a developmental leap, and our (normally) good sleeper spends a few nights in the chair with mommy, I tell myself: “It won’t always be like this.”

Those tough first weeks with a newborn morph into four- and five- and six-hour stretches of sleep (and now our girl sleeps ten or eleven hours… *high five!*), and the sleep-deprived days are memories we joke about with a hint of pride for our survival skills.

God’s words to me are both an encouragement (“this is temporary”) and a caution (“don’t wish away this season”).

I’ve always heard women say they forget the pain from childbirth—like it’s this supernatural thing God does in our minds so that we’ll continue to procreate.

As a pregnant woman, I received this with skepticism, and now, about 15 months after my first childbirth experience, I understand what they mean.

It’s not that I’ve forgotten the 21-hour, all-natural delivery, but I don’t really remember the pain. It’s like a blurred scene on the film strip of my memory.

Howell remembers that day far more vividly than I do—and I think he’s a bit scarred by it. I can’t even recall the intensity of the contractions. Certainly I remember having them, but I can’t conjure up what they felt like. And I remember that it hurt at the end, but it seems so brief, so passing because moments later, I held my baby girl, and none of it mattered.

That experience was less than 24 hours. Somedays when I remember we spent almost a decade waiting for our girl, it, too, feels like a blink in time.

Not then, of course. But now—on this side of it.

I’ve found that my greatest defense against discouragement in a tough season is to remember. While the pain, the suffering, even the intensity of time—minutes, hours, days, years passing—fades, what remains in my memory is God’s faithfulness.

It stands out above the noise.

Time and again, I remember what He has done for me.

God’s word calls our affliction “light” and “momentary” (2 Cor. 4:17), and I’m sure Paul’s suffering goes far beyond anything I’ve experienced. (In fact, that sort of perspective is good to hang on to.)

Paul goes on to tell us to focus on what is unseen, the eternal, rather than the temporary (2 Cor. 4:18).

 
Peter says it like this: “In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 1:6-7).

Notice that our faith is more precious than gold that perishes. Gold sounds temporal, huh?

But faith—that’s among the things unseen, the things eternal.

His words to me are true: “It won’t always be like this.”

Today I can hardly believe our miracle girl is running all over the house, holding her baby doll, and playing “pretend” with her as she rocks her and feeds her the Cheerios from her snack cup. The girl I spent weeks feeding around the clock now holds a fork and feeds herself. And the nights that felt hard are forgotten, replaced by the warmth of my bed and the comfort of my husband.

If you’ve been grieved by various trials, my friend, if it feels hot under the fire right now, don’t lose heart.

Whatever we are going through is temporary. It might be over in an hour, or a day, or a week, or a year. Even if it takes years upon years, our circumstances are still temporary.

So let’s fix our minds on Christ, on the things of the Spirit, which are life and peace (Ro. 8:6).

Let’s ask God to give us His eternal perspective.

And let’s remember all the times He’s been faithful before to bolster our faith that He will do it again.

The Question

While recently reading a fiction book for the general market, I came across a bit of dialogue in which one character asks the other whether he believes in God. He hedges something like, sometimes, but not always, to which she replies, “I do.”

But then she goes on to say that as she grew older, the relationship she once enjoyed as a child, she now didn’t. And her reason: “I thought I understood the way things were supposed to work, but as I grew older, I realized I didn’t.”

She continues her speech to reveal one key reason for her disconnect from God as an adult: “Why would God, who’s supposed to be all good and loving, allow innocent people to suffer?”

This is the question that I think everyone—believer or non-believer—has to, at some point, grapple with.

This character ultimately feels both hopeless and unhappy as she attempts to reconcile her current situation with God’s Word—and the Bible falls short, she says. For this reason, we see her abandon her faith.

As I read this passage, something deep in my soul stirred, so I marked it. The depth of that fictional—and secular—conversation required more thought, more time.

I think the question—posed often in another form as “Why do bad things happen to good people?”—needs to be asked in a different way.

How do we discern what is from God?

When formed this way, I believe the Bible not only gives us hope but also gives us an answer—one we choose to believe by faith in His nature.

So, my answer?

If it is good, it is from God. His Word tells us He gives good gifts (Matthew 7:11; Luke 11:13; James 1:17).

God, by His nature, cannot give us evil gifts. It is not who He is.

This is the first response I would give to this character—that she has lost her hope and her happiness because she’s begun to doubt the very nature of God, His goodness.

When we come to a place where we doubt God’s goodness, then what we see around us determines how we define God and His kingdom. It becomes impossible to separate what we are experiencing (our circumstances) from our certainty or security in God’s love for us, for humanity. 

If He is not good, He is also not loving. If He’s neither loving nor good, then He is easy to blame for all of our bad circumstances, all accounts of evil, all of mankind’s failures.

But He is good. One of my favorite verses is Psalm 119:68, which tells us God is good and what He does is good.

It is who He is—and the only way to crawl out of the pit of hopelessness is to believe this truth.

When we do, it changes our perspective. It changes how we view and answer the rest of this character’s question—why do the innocent suffer? Or, put another way, why do bad things happen to good people?

I’d argue there are three possible reasons—all grounded in the Bible, and I’ll try to be succinct.

1. The first might be our favorite because it takes the responsibility off of us and becomes an easy scapegoat. What is this reason? The devil and his demons. But in all seriousness, the Bible is clear that we have an enemy, an adversary, and he comes “to steal, kill, and destroy” (John 10:10). I am not a big “blame it on the Devil” person, but I also think if we don’t understand the very real and present powers of darkness that are at work (Ephesians 6:12), then we are both naïve and deceived.

2. The second is less popular because it is our responsibility, the result of our choices. Since the Garden of Eden, there have always been two choices: the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (Genesis 2:16). Adam and Even chose the second tree (Genesis 3), and mankind today still chooses it, even believers. Our choices have consequences. We may be reaping what we have sown (Galatians 6:7-8). No one likes this answer, but it’s simply the truth.

God redeems us from our sin. He doesn’t punish us for our sin. The Bible is clear about that—Jesus is our atonement (Romans 3:23-25; Ephesians 1:7; 1 John 2:2).

And yet, these truths also exist. We make choices. And our choices have consequences.

3. And finally—the least popular answer, because it’s both out of our control and hard to swallow: sometimes God simply allows it. We see this play out in the book of Job (Job 2:1-10). The Word also tells us trials are for our testing (James 1:2-4), to work out our salvation (Philippians 2:12-13), for our refinement (Malachi 3:3; 1 Peter 1:17), for our sanctification (John 17:17-20; Hebrews 13:12-13), for our good (Romans 8:28-30). None of these processes are easy—or fun.

The truth is, we may never know the reason why.

And let’s be clear here that even if God allows our pain, our suffering, our hard circumstances, our unfair situation—it is not from Him.

Remember, if something is from God, it is good, loving, peaceable (James 3:16-18). These are the gifts He gives. If it lines up with His nature, it is from Him.

And if you find yourself in a place that doesn’t feel good, what can you do?

I implore you, friends, don’t throw in the towel, as this character has done. Don’t abandon your relationship with your Heavenly Father.

Now, in this present circumstances, is the time to press in, to receive His love, His song over you, and to believe in His everlasting goodness and faithfulness.

Won’t you do it? Look for His goodness today.

Each good gift is like a knot on a rope, giving you a place to grip, a way to find footing as you climb out of the pit.

Keep climbing, friends. Keep gripping.

Hello, August: I'm Catching Back Up

July ended up being a busy month, so I can’t say we took a relaxing, peaceful break last month. But I admit I’ve missed the practice of regularly blogging. Allow me to do a little catch up:

On the personal side

We kept my nephew for July 4^th weekend. 

We’ve been to two different lakes with various family last month. 

We celebrated my mom’s birthday and Howell’s grandmother’s 90^th birthday. 

And we went to NYC with our best friends.

What a great month for spending time with others! We are continually blessed by the people God has placed in our lives.

On the writing side

I entered several contests this summer, so I’m hoping to hear something on those soon. I’ve also revised my manuscript like crazy, especially the first half. The critique group I joined has greatly blessed me, and I received feedback from another writer-friend who swapped manuscripts with me. Both opportunities have allowed me to make some changes that (hopefully!) strengthen the manuscript.

I am waiting on an agent-hopeful, and in the meantime, I’m thinking of setting this manuscript aside and focusing on another story God has put on my heart. I’m in the process of outlining it now, and since I’m shooting for the shorter side on this one (maybe 40,000 words), I’m hoping I can finish it this year.

August is like January for us teacher-folks, and I always love the renewed sense of purpose I get at the start of every school year. I anticipate good things to come.

The Lord continues to woo me closer, drawing me in where I can see His Daddy heart. I’m reminded of His goodness, of His perfect plan.

“The Lord is good and what He does is good.” Psalm 119:68

“For the Lord is a shield and a sun. He bestows honor and favor. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.” Psalm 84:11

“The Lord will perfect that which concerns me.” Psalm 138:8

Whether this month feels like a new start or a halfway point in the year for you, I pray you’ll take deep breaths today and allow the Lord to love on you with His goodness. 

Faithful in the Battles

I'm recycling a post this week from 2009. I rarely recycle posts, but I was looking through my blog for something else, and I stumbled on this oldie-but-goodie.

Although the battles described here are now 7 years old and seem like so long ago, I felt encouraged by the reminder that God does fight for me!

Hope you'll be encouraged too:

I've been reading through Deuteronomy, and the shortened version of the Israelite's' story. Already, the Lord has made so many applications relevant in my own life. In Chapter 2, the Lord raises up a new generation to begin moving in the direction of the Promised Land. The first step in that direction is a battle. If you read in verses 30-31, it states that God hardened the king's heart, causing the battle. It's possible that the Israelites could have peaceably passed through, or that the King of Sihon would have just let them pass, as the kings did in Seir and Ar. 

But God needed to begin to lay a foundation of faith in their hearts that 1) There will be many battles, and 2) that God will fight for them. Of course, the older generation knew this from Egypt--but God was laying a new foundation of faith in these Israelites' hearts that wasn't just about what He did then, but what He could do now.

Sometimes God makes the path more difficult and causes a battle, in order to show us a greater victory.

In Chapter 3, God builds on their victory in Sihon to fight a greater battle: not just a city, but an entire Kingdom--Bashan. Sihon was baby steps of faith building to a greater battle, just as Bashanwill be baby steps to the greater battle that is Jerricho and beyond into the Promised Land. And each step along the way, God reminds them gently, "Remember, I fight for you." 

In Chapter 4, Moses pauses to remind them to keep these works of God hidden in their hearts, that they don't forget what He's done and depart from Him. Though Moses predicts that the Israelites will one day disobey and forget--and be scattered--God, in his mercy, will take them back when they begin to seek Him again.

In my own life, I think about all the mini financial battles the Lord has brought us through this year--just to show that He fights for us, and He is faithful. In January, we thought we'd owe $1500 from Howell's wreck, but God took care of it. In February, we unexpectedly owed $1600. And God provided. In March, I went to Pennsylvania, which costs us another $1500 in flights and hotels. But God provided again. All the while, we were trying to save money to buy a house--yet these expenses we hadn't anticipated kept coming up.

But in May, God had doubled our savings, in a way we can't explain--just to say that He did it.

In June, we found a house, and we prayed for the Lord to provide our closing costs, and He did. In July, we closed on our FIRST home--and all the extra money we thought we'd put into savings that month was nearly spent on other factors. In August, we thought we were ready to finally start saving again, when we received heart-breaking news--the greatest test of all--that we owed $6000 to Howell's company (they'd been taking the wrong amount out of his checks), and that we'd be losing nearly half his paycheck each month.

We cried out to the Lord and told Him we weren't prepared. We panicked and worried about how we'd make it. We tried to "fix it" ourselves, by taking me off Howell’s insurance to cut out $500/mo in expenses. But God had a plan and a purpose. And in September, He miraculously provided the money we needed--yes, all $6000 (that in itself is another cool story! :)). And He allowed me to get back on Howell's insurance (after the enrollment period), despite the strain it will place on our budget, because He wanted to be the one who fights our battles.

And even though this month, Howell will only receive 1/3 of his paycheck, to cover these insurance costs, God has already caused our bank accounts to be filled and our needs to be met. You see, when we are faithful to tithe and to give above the tithe to ministries He puts in our heart, to the point that we begin to say, "God it's not our money, but yours," He is faithful to return to us tenfold what we need. Like the Israelites, God used this whole year--nearly 10 months now--to bring us into a new battle.

And each time, He showed us, "It is I who fight for you."

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Getting Back on That Horse!

Last week, Howell and I vacationed in Colorado to celebrate our birthdays. We both turn 30 this year (Howell turned 30 Monday), and we wanted to do something fun to commemorate the year!

We stayed at an all-inclusive ranch resort where we were pampered by excellent staff for three meals a day and where we could do all the activities we wanted from snowshoeing to backcountry skiing to horseback riding (and more!).

We were so active on our trip that we came home sore (Ha!), but we loved it!

Some of you may or may not know that I had an accident on a horse in 2008—just a few short months before my wedding. It was not my first time to fall off a horse—not even my second or third—but it was pretty significant, significant enough that I feared riding horses, which I never had before.

I won’t go into the details (they’re not really important for this post), but the short version is that I blacked out before I hit the ground, so I landed on my face.  My jaw was moved, my teeth were affected, my brain had a little swelling (thankfully, nothing damaging ;)), and my face was all banged up for weeks, if not months. I was trying on wedding dresses with a black-and-blue face and one eye swollen shut—what a moment to feel pretty. J

The thing is, I grew up around horses. My grandmother had a horse that I rode all the time, and I grew up with friends with horses that I rode. I know how to saddle a horse, handle a horse, and clean a horse after riding.

But after that accident, I was too scared to ride. I attempted to get on my mom’s horse a few years ago, but I only rode him for maybe 5 minutes before I felt scared and got off.

Then last week, while we were in Colorado, I had the chance to “get back on that horse”—and I really wanted to try. I wasn’t sure if I would ride, but I wanted to see how I felt.

And…

It felt great. I wasn’t scared. It felt natural again—and we had a good afternoon (despite the freezing cold temperatures and blowing blizzard snow!).

So, why am I talking about riding horses?

Well, the Lord reminded me of my experience this morning while also reminding me of Proverbs 24:16—that a righteous man falls seven times and rises again.

I was really rude to Howell one day last week. It wasn’t anything overly dramatic; I was tired and grouchy and ended up saying something rude and sarcastic. But, although he forgave me, I’ve had a hard time letting it go.

This morning the Lord reminded me that my new nature is righteous. That’s who I am. It’s as it should be between me and Him.

It’s not that the righteous man doesn’t fall. In fact, he may even fall seven times.

But he doesn’t stay down.

I remember having it presented to me like this: you can know whether you believe you’re righteous, whether you believe everything is as it should be between you and God, based on how long it takes you to forgive yourself when you mess up. If you feel like you have to wallow in pity, or do penance, or do more to earn favor again—then you’re not believing you’re righteous.

Jesus paid it all.

As simple and basic as that truth is—one that I’ve heard a thousand times, I’ve learned this week that I still have this feeling that if I misbehave God will be mad at me; if something happens that I didn’t want or ask for, then God must have ill-intentions toward me.

He so gently whispered to me this morning—Get back up.

I am good and always loving. My intentions toward you are good. The thoughts I think toward you are never evil—never ill-intentioned. You can trust my heart—it’s full of love for you; it wants good things for you.

Isn’t it great that we serve an all-loving God? 

Do you ever have a hard time believing it? 

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A Thankful Heart: Remembering God's Goodness

Happy Thanksgiving—a day of gratitude! 

I blogged last Thursday about how my heart is full of gratitude, and that theme continues to run through my mind. 

At Holiday Happening last week, I bought this sign to hang in our living room:

I love putting reminders in front of me to be grateful, to find joy, to have a thankful heart. In Psalm 84, it says that God withholds no good thing from us, and in James, we’re told that He gives good gifts. He recently told me that He actually delights in our asking Him for gifts—for the desires of our heart. 

What good Father doesn’t love to lavish His children with gifts—with unexpected surprises that bring squeals of joy? 

The hard lesson—at least for me—has been the process of asking for gifts, believing God for answered prayers, but not putting expectations on Him.  

If your expectations are in the thing you’re asking for rather than in Him, then you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. 

If you feel disappointed in God—that He’s holding out on you or that He has not delivered on His word, then your expectations are in the thing you’ve asked Him for rather than in Him. 

His Word says that those who trust IN HIM won’t be disappointed. Another verse says it like this: Wait patiently for the Lord, for my expectation is in Him.

In February of this year, I heard Danny Silk preach in Amarillo, and his sermon topic was Expectation versus Expectancy. He called God’s goodness, His blessings, “The River of Expectancy.” We should flow in this river, operate in this river—and anticipate, always, that God has good things in store for us. 

Again—He is a good Father. He withholds No. Good. Thing. And He delights in our asking. 

But expectations are like a box that we put God in when we tell Him to perform or else. When we put demands on Him, when we restrain how or what He can do in our lives, when we put restrictions on the miracle—that it must look like this and not that—we have created expectations. 

We’ve moved out of the river of expectancy and into the quicksand of disappointment. 

Howell and I have several areas in our life where we are believing God will move. If you’ve read Mark Batterson’s The Prayer Circle, he calls it circling your prayers—your specific requests. My favorite quote from Mark’s book is that the things we’re circling must not become ‘to do’ lists. (Again—that’s like a box of expectations.) Instead, he says, we have to pray for God’s will, God’s way. I love that! 

Putting expectancy versus expectations into practice is harder than it sounds—or maybe, for some, it's as hard as it sounds. :) Last May, I asked God, “How do I pray into these areas of our life, how do I continue asking and believing to see You move, to see a miracle, without putting You in a box or putting my hope and expectation in the thing?”

His answer to me? 

REMEMBER MY GOODNESS.

God’s goodness is inherent in His nature—He is a GOOD GOD. And when we remember His goodness, we remain grateful. We remember the blessings. We remember His faithfulness, His answers, His gifts.

Remembering God's goodness is the antidote to hopelessness.  A grateful heart overcomes feelings of disappointment.

What are you believing God for today? Have you put Him in a box with expectations—a timeline or a set of parameters in which He is supposed to perform?  Or is your faith—the foundation of your belief—rooted in gratitude and in the inherent goodness of God? 

I encourage you, friend, on this day of Thanksgiving—and every day, have a thankful heart.

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In the Stillness: Hearing God's Voice

Fall has arrived, and my heart is full of gratitude. This is the season to be thankful, no? I love those moments when we get to take a ‘timeout,’ sit in front of the fire, maybe watch a little Hallmark Christmas movie.

Photo bomb compliments of Rizzoli! :)

I had the opportunity to rest on Sunday (which seems appropriate since we’re to honor the Sabbath once during our week), and I was thankful for the time to reflect. We have been going and going with something almost every night of the week for a while, and finally, we had a night at home!

Across from me on the couch, I found myself staring at a recent gift Tomi gave me:

Thankful, Grateful, Blessed. 

Amen. 

I have found more peace in 2015 than I’ve had in recent years—and not because of any major life event, not because I’ve experienced any specific changes. I’m still married to the same incredible man. I have the same amazing job. I teach the same remarkable classes. My routine is untouched for the most part. 

But I’ve experienced God’s nearness this year—His presence and His overwhelming love—in a way I can’t fully express. God is always good, always faithful, but this year, He has been so near, so tangible. And He has changed my heart in more ways than I can measure. 

Early in the year, I spent 40 days in intimate prayer with Him, recording His words to me every day. Those days were powerful, and I learned to recognize and be confident in hearing God’s voice. Even after the 40 days were over, I loved to hear His words to me—His personal words—every day. I am for you. I love you. I want to carry all your burdens. 

This fall semester has been crazy busy—more so than any I can remember. I can’t put a finger on it; I don’t know exactly what the difference is. But if I’m not careful to stop, to listen—I’ll miss His words to me. I’ll miss the gifts He gives me every day. 

Sometimes in our busyness it’s easy to overlook God speaking to us, and instead, our own thoughts crowd our head. 

I have too much to do.

I don’t have enough time.

I didn’t finish that today—and I really needed to.

I shouldn’t have …

I can’t…

I won’t….

On Sunday, our pastor read an excerpt from a book titled The Soul of Money. The writer notes that we wake up every morning thinking of how we didn’t get enough sleep, we have too much to do—we wake up feeling behind. Then we go to bed thinking of all that we haven’t done or didn’t accomplish in that day—we go to bed feeling unworthy, inadequate. 

This, my friends, is no place to live. 

Before we know it, we are operating from a mindset of lack instead of a mindset that says He is enough, and we are enough, and we can do everything through Him. Grace, my friends. Grace is God’s ability, God’s power in us. 

He gives grace to the weak.

He gives more grace to those who are humble.

Grace upon grace.

There’s grace for you today. Breathe in. Close your eyes. Stop for five minutes. Turn off your phone. Ask the Holy Spirit to come in power, to fill you fully.

He will.  He always will.