Smells like Skunk

Do you see these two? Don’t they look like angels?

Perfect angels, right?

We all remember Rizzoli’s three near-death experiences, so maybe only one of them fits that description. Unfortunately, even Charlie, “the good kid,” was on my bad list a few weeks ago when both of our dogs got sprayed by a skunk in our backyard.

IN OUR BACKYARD.

They had the creature cornered where he could not escape, and they were not deterred by the stinky smells at all. We’re convinced they got sprayed more than once at close range.

It took about four days to get the smell out of the house—and even still, I swear it lingers in a few places.

We gave the dogs 11 baths (Rizzoli, the lucky one, receiving one more bath than Charlie) with all kinds of home remedies, Pinterest suggestions, old wives tales, and vet-recommended solutions. Nothing helped with the smell—at least not on first application. We did have some success with the de-skunk shampoo the vet’s office sells, but it took three applications each.

Even now, almost two weeks later, I still smell it when Rizzoli shakes her ears, her now-shedding hair flying in the air, and I groan.

What a mess!

The timing was terrible, of course. It initially happened just before bed, on a night when we were already getting in bed late.

I fell into bed at 1:00 a.m., exhausted.

The next day we were leaving town, and I just wanted to give up, to lay down and say, “I can’t do this.”

(For the record, my hubs, as usual, was the rockstar. I think he gave 5 or 6 baths in a short span of a few hours.)

Two days later, the smell wasn’t better—for the dogs or our house. I felt so discouraged.

We’d light candles and spray aromas and bought every imaginable wall plug, but all of that only temporarily masked the smell.

Now that I’ve had some time and space from what really was an unpleasant experience at an inopportune time, I feel like the Lord has used that to speak spiritual truth to my heart.

Y’all, maybe I’ve only been masking the smell, but this has been a challenging six months. I’ve been tested to what feels like my core. My patience. My attitude. My humility. My leadership.

Even my values have been tested.

What’s more important: What God says about me or what people say? Pleasing God or pleasing man?

What’s do I value most: Being recognized, validated, defended, appreciated? Or Being a daughter, accepted and beloved?

It’s been tough, and I’ve seen my flesh on a new level.

I felt like the Lord reminded me that when I try to do this life stuff on my own, it’s like spraying Fabreeze around my house and hoping it will make the smell go away.

Funny, right? Because it’s so foolish.

Only the Holy Spirit can do the real work, the under-the-surface work, where the skunk’s poison resides, where it’s settled and seeped into pores and pockets.

I recently had someone speak a word over me, and he said that I needed to unyoke myself to the things that trouble my heart. Howell told me afterward that he immediately felt like that meant unyoking myself to other people’s opinions of me.

This isn’t new information or a new struggle—of course I shouldn’t care what others think, and I’ve known this is a habit of mine for a while.

But something about that phrase—unyoke yourself—really got my attention.

I always thought of the “do not be yoked” verses as relating to marriage or relationships. But Howell’s exactly right. I’ve yoked myself to what other people think of me rather than yoking myself to the Lord and letting His opinion rule.

If there’s a spiritual smell to being yoked to others’ opinions, I guarantee it’s worse than a skunk.

What about you, friends? Do you struggle with performing, pleasing, striving?

I understand completely! Let’s let Holy do a major detox in our hearts today. 

Faithful in the Battles

I'm recycling a post this week from 2009. I rarely recycle posts, but I was looking through my blog for something else, and I stumbled on this oldie-but-goodie.

Although the battles described here are now 7 years old and seem like so long ago, I felt encouraged by the reminder that God does fight for me!

Hope you'll be encouraged too:

I've been reading through Deuteronomy, and the shortened version of the Israelite's' story. Already, the Lord has made so many applications relevant in my own life. In Chapter 2, the Lord raises up a new generation to begin moving in the direction of the Promised Land. The first step in that direction is a battle. If you read in verses 30-31, it states that God hardened the king's heart, causing the battle. It's possible that the Israelites could have peaceably passed through, or that the King of Sihon would have just let them pass, as the kings did in Seir and Ar. 

But God needed to begin to lay a foundation of faith in their hearts that 1) There will be many battles, and 2) that God will fight for them. Of course, the older generation knew this from Egypt--but God was laying a new foundation of faith in these Israelites' hearts that wasn't just about what He did then, but what He could do now.

Sometimes God makes the path more difficult and causes a battle, in order to show us a greater victory.

In Chapter 3, God builds on their victory in Sihon to fight a greater battle: not just a city, but an entire Kingdom--Bashan. Sihon was baby steps of faith building to a greater battle, just as Bashanwill be baby steps to the greater battle that is Jerricho and beyond into the Promised Land. And each step along the way, God reminds them gently, "Remember, I fight for you." 

In Chapter 4, Moses pauses to remind them to keep these works of God hidden in their hearts, that they don't forget what He's done and depart from Him. Though Moses predicts that the Israelites will one day disobey and forget--and be scattered--God, in his mercy, will take them back when they begin to seek Him again.

In my own life, I think about all the mini financial battles the Lord has brought us through this year--just to show that He fights for us, and He is faithful. In January, we thought we'd owe $1500 from Howell's wreck, but God took care of it. In February, we unexpectedly owed $1600. And God provided. In March, I went to Pennsylvania, which costs us another $1500 in flights and hotels. But God provided again. All the while, we were trying to save money to buy a house--yet these expenses we hadn't anticipated kept coming up.

But in May, God had doubled our savings, in a way we can't explain--just to say that He did it.

In June, we found a house, and we prayed for the Lord to provide our closing costs, and He did. In July, we closed on our FIRST home--and all the extra money we thought we'd put into savings that month was nearly spent on other factors. In August, we thought we were ready to finally start saving again, when we received heart-breaking news--the greatest test of all--that we owed $6000 to Howell's company (they'd been taking the wrong amount out of his checks), and that we'd be losing nearly half his paycheck each month.

We cried out to the Lord and told Him we weren't prepared. We panicked and worried about how we'd make it. We tried to "fix it" ourselves, by taking me off Howell’s insurance to cut out $500/mo in expenses. But God had a plan and a purpose. And in September, He miraculously provided the money we needed--yes, all $6000 (that in itself is another cool story! :)). And He allowed me to get back on Howell's insurance (after the enrollment period), despite the strain it will place on our budget, because He wanted to be the one who fights our battles.

And even though this month, Howell will only receive 1/3 of his paycheck, to cover these insurance costs, God has already caused our bank accounts to be filled and our needs to be met. You see, when we are faithful to tithe and to give above the tithe to ministries He puts in our heart, to the point that we begin to say, "God it's not our money, but yours," He is faithful to return to us tenfold what we need. Like the Israelites, God used this whole year--nearly 10 months now--to bring us into a new battle.

And each time, He showed us, "It is I who fight for you."

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That time I got over myself and said, Yes!

Y’all, I’m so prideful, but I love when God moves above and beyond and around me. I love when my eyes are opened, and I see him patiently waiting. There’s no foot tapping, watch checking, or brow-raising. 

A smile. A wink. A gentle, “Are you ready now?”

Last summer—June 7 to be exact—we came home from a trip to find our upstairs carpet soaking wet and our downstairs ceiling falling out from the standing water. 

No big deal. Isn’t this is why we have insurance?

Then we found out we had mold—and not just a little mold that you throw some bleach on, but like a whole section of mold that had to be professionally treated.

And, these geniuses didn’t have mold coverage. (Who needs it in our dry West Texas climate?)

So instead, we took estimates, and I started breathing in a bag because suddenly we were going to be paying $30,000 just for the mold abatement.

I didn’t blog about our predicament. I didn’t post pictures on Facebook or Instagram of the ugliness. (We only post the pretty stuff, right?)

I wanted to crawl into the fetal position and close my eyes and hope that when I opened them, it would all be fixed and repaired and my house would be normal again.

I won’t go into all the lessons from our little leaky, moldy experience. (Abridged version: I learned more than I wanted about waiting and trusting God with the unknown, and God saved the day in so many ways through amazing people who did not charge what those original estimates were.)

But I want to focus this post on the connection between a woman’s heart and her home. Until recently, I did not realize how delicately intertwined these were.

I’m an introvert, and proudly so. I’m not a big crowds person. I’m not even a party person. But I love having people in my home. I love cooking and serving and having fellowship and meaningful conversations with a small group of people.

It’s how I connect.

But after June 5, I was too ashamed of my house, embarrassed by the ceiling and the holes and the mess everywhere.

Although the mold was taken care of the very next week, our house wasn’t “put back together” until, well, now. (And the truth is, our upstairs room still isn’t finished. *grimace*)

In the room upstairs, the walls and ceiling had to be torn out and re-done, and in the living room downstairs, the ceiling had to be re-done—none of which happened until September (i.e. 4 months later).

In our den, we had a whole different problem that also required waiting for repairs. Our roof was (finally!) partially repaired in October, and since then until now (i.e. another 3 months later), we’ve had plywood boards covering part of the ceiling.

If you saw it all, consider yourself family because what I’m trying to say is this:

My house was in disarray (and I don’t mean junk mail piles) for over seven months, and for over seven months, I did not invite anyone over for coffee or lunch or dinner or anything. That's more than half the year, y'all!

My connection levels tanked.

So here’s where the really humbling part comes in…

In October, we were asked if we wanted to host for life group again. The truth is, my spirit immediately said, “Yes! I miss hosting!” And my heart said, “Uh, but my house?”

So I pushed back on that—even though my sweet hubs thought we should do it.

I told my closest friends, “But, my house??”

They nudged me and offered repeated replies like, “Oh Laura, no one cares.”

In the midst of this, the person we were waiting on to do the last ceiling repairs—you know, the room with the plywood inside—told us he could come in mid to late January, which would most certainly be after life groups started.

I pushed back a little more.

And then finally, when the decision had to be made about hosting, I did something I hadn’t done yet.

I surrendered. And I cried a little. And I repented for being so vain and superficial. And I said yes to whatever God wanted for us.

And my sweet Heavenly Father showed me my heart and my home, woven together. While there was some ugliness (and vanity) there, my heart was also genuine in wanting to serve others not with the disheveled mess but with only the best of me, my heart and my home.

I forgot that He makes everything beautiful.

So that was November, and since then I finally resolved that come January 6, we would open our house for life group, plywood ceilings and all.

Despite that we were “under construction,” I prayed that God would move in our hearts and in anyone’s heart who entered our home.

In other words, I got over myself, and I let it go.

And you know what? Over Christmas break, our amazing contractor called to ask if he could come earlier. (I cried.)

By January 6 at 7 p.m., my plywood was gone. My home was warm and welcoming again.

I am still a little saddened that I let 7 months go by without inviting anyone into my home. But I’m thankful for the lessons I learned in this season—about waiting, about living in the midst of uncertainty, about humbling my pride, and best of all, about seeing God move.

So, for your viewing pleasure, here’s an ugly picture from the upstairs room. (Apparently I couldn’t even bring myself to record pictures of the plywood.) 

Now that I’m all humbled, who wants to come over?

Choosing Joy!

As of Saturday, we have lived in Plainview for one month. It is a little crazy to think about how quickly the time has passed, especially considering how many months and months (10 to be exact) we spent praying and waiting for God to move on our behalf. God's hand has so clearly been in everything that has happened--from the smooth closings, the available funds, the moving process, and even unpacking.

I will be honest, though... Our first month in Plainview has been a little hard. We have had a few bumps in the road, some unexpected problems, namely our plumbing, which quit working the day after we moved in, and even now, one month later, is somewhat fixed, but we still don't have 100% functioning.

What I wasn't prepared for was the emotional battle my heart would face. Here God has blessed us with this beautiful house we hoped and prayed for and a five minute drive to my work, and He has provided all that we asked and needed to get us here.

And yet, within a week of living in Plainview, I suddenly felt very lonely and vulnerable. I missed my friends and family in Lubbock, especially on the nights Hal traveled, and I was acutely aware that I had no social life. At the same time, I felt so overwhelmed to live in this kid-ready house with a playroom and a swing set and access to a community pool. Everything reminded me that I'm not pregnant, we don't have kids, and I'm still just an outsider looking in.

For weeks I have had this battle in my heart--and for weeks, I felt like I've been losing.

But this weekend the Lord reminded me that He is for me, not against me. I know He called us to Plainview. I know He gave us this exact house for an important reason. I know He has a plan.

Friday night, we got to hear Dr. Ben Carson speak. Among his many other accomplishments, his life story and all that he has had to overcome just blew me away. He repeatedly talked about personal choice, saying, "The person who is most responsible for what happens to you in life is you."

I get to choose. I choose what my attitude will be. I choose whether or not I'll have joy or sorrow. And when I don't choose His promises or all that He has for me, I am letting the enemy rob me of my joy. When I don't choose thankfulness for all that He has provided, I am letting the enemy steal my testimony.

So, we don't have kids... So, I don't have a lot of friends (yet). I have a lot of other blessings in my life, including an incredible husband, who is my best friend. And the friendships I do have are far richer in quality than they would ever be in quantity. (I mean, how many friends will spend 14 hours in one day helping you paint--and get back into the house you've accidentally locked yourself out of!!)

My God has abundantly and richly blessed me, and if I will remember that He is my provider, my sufficiency, my security, and my hope, then I can change the attitude of my heart and in exchange, receive His spirit of joy and grace and thankfulness. I may not have the full picture. I may  not see His full purpose for us in Plainview, but He does. And if I really believe in His goodness, if I really believe in His faithfulness, then I can trust Him, beyond my circumstances, beyond my emotions, that He is still working on my behalf, that He is still with me and for me.

A new house; a faithful God

Well, I am going to "brave" adding pictures to a post....

Here are a few pictures from our new house:

We love our home, and feel absolutely blessed to have it. God is so good!

Sometimes, when you ask God for something, it takes a little patience. Always, it requires faith and trusting in Him...and releasing control. But, in the end, He is faithful. When I think about the last semester, and our "house hunting" experiences, I am overwhelmed to see how God's hand has guided us in all things. First, He guided us financially to save, and to be good stewards of His money. He taught us to trust Him, which was a lesson more than needed in the final few weeks of getting the house. Second, He guided us to wait for His best. At one point, we almost bought a house that we really thought we wanted. When I look at this house that He gave us, I see not only what he kept us from doing, but also that in waiting, His greater blessing was yet to come! Finally, He guided us to trust Him and lean on Him, rather than ourselves. There were moments I thought we'd never find a house. Then, when we found this house, there were moments when I thought it wasn't going to work out. But He'd gently nudge us, and say, "trust me." And we did. What a wonderful way to see in reality the meaning of Proverbs 16:9 come to life!

"The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps."

p.s. I won't go into the details for how long adding pictures took me to figure out! :)