Peace or Fear: Part One

“I don’t want to die.”

These are my forced, barely whispered words between gasps for air as Howell and I argued (again) about whether to call an ambulance and have (another) visit to the ER.

It sounds dramatic, but even now, weeks later I can still remember the fear that gripped me.

I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t stand, couldn’t think straight.

Because the only thoughts running through my brain were 1) our hospitals are over maxed capacity; 2) if I go to the hospital, they’ll put me on a ventilator; and 3) if I go in, I might not come out.

Fear. Fear. Fear.

I was truly terrified.

Obviously, I didn’t die, though I did feel like death for a while.

And while I did have COVID pneumonia, my symptoms weren’t actually related to the virus.

And while all of this did lead to another surgery this year (after the almost baseball-sized tumor on my thyroid this summer), I did not have to stay in the hospital this time.

But I keep coming back to that moment, to those words, to that level of gut-wrenching fear.

What if I don’t come home? What if I never see Howell’s face again? Never hold my girl?

I can think of at least two other life-threatening moments I have experienced (this was not), and the stark contrast between my fear here and the peace I felt in those moments is astounding.

Peace or fear. I get to choose, right?

I have experienced and witnessed a lot of fear lately.

Fear falls into two camps, one related to our (potential) circumstances and one related to people. I’m hoping to dive into this second one in a Part 2 post, but for now—and for this specific situation—my fear was definitely about a potential circumstance. What might happen.

Years ago, Jackie Mize called FEAR False Evidence Against Reality.

Isn’t that so true? What we fear almost never comes to reality.

Kris Vallotton says it like this: “Fear is imagining the future without God.”

Let’s look at Jesus’s words to us in John 14:27. He says, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled; neither let them be afraid.”

How can He tell us not to have troubled hearts, not to be afraid?

Because He has given us his peace.

We have the peace of Jesus.

We have the gift of the Holy Spirit’s presence at all times.

We have the promise of God’s goodness and faithfulness always.

What better news could He give us? His Word tells us that no weapon formed against us shall prosper (IS. 54:17).

But here’s the question… Here’s where we have to get real: Do we really believe His word? Do we believe what He says is true?

I have struggled with this question more in the last year than most recent years, specifically in the area of healing.

Because sometimes God doesn’t heal in the way we want or ask, no matter how firmly we believed or how repeatedly we prayed.

And because sometimes hard stuff still happens to us, even when we prayed it wouldn’t.

In these moments, it feels like God’s word isn’t true.

But we have to choose. We choose to say yes to His word, yes to His nature, yes to His character. We stand on His faithfulness in the past. We stand on His sovereignty and the good plans He has for us.

It’s okay to ask the hard questions. How are you being real with Him if you don’t?

Ask and listen—and then trust and believe.

And if you find your heart troubled by present or potential circumstances, don’t give in to the fear. Embrace the peace that is available.

 

p.s. If you need a pep talk for overcoming fear and embracing what God says about you, read Romans 8 every day this week. I promise you’ll be encouraged.

Do you need a RECHARGE?

Last week we had a much-needed fall break on campus, and I was able to take a couple of vacation days to spend Thursday through Sunday with my family. We rented a house, and for the first time since I’ve been married (now going on nine years), we took a family trip together: my parents, siblings and spouses, and nephews.

We haven’t quite settled on a name for our now annual trip to Wimberley (we’re thinking reunion is over-used), but the tentative name is recharge (props to my sister for that ;)).

Y’all, my heart is full, and I certainly feel recharged.

I finished three fiction books.

I laughed until I cried on several occasions (literally, tears streaming down my face!).

I swam in 65-degree water with my three-year-old nephew because, well, he wanted to.

I started a short story.

And I got to spend real quality time with family.

Nothing makes me happier than some good ole quality time.

Perhaps my favorite memory is watching my nephew air guitar and sing during our impromptu worship jam while my brother-in-law made breakfast. (If I haven’t said so—you should buy the Pursue Worship album! It’s incredible!)

There’s a song on the Pursue album titled My Shepherd, and the chorus begins, “I won’t want for anything.”

Isn’t that God’s promise to us?

At this point in the semester, the craziness is cranking up. Piles of grading. Work events. Church events. And October is only the beginning—then it’s Thanksgiving, then Christmas.

“I won’t want for anything.”

Time. Energy. Provision. Grace. Strength. Patience.

“The Lord is my Shepherd, and I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He quiets my soul.”

Reciting that verse brings so much peace to my heart.

Friends—do you need to recharge at this moment? Do you need the Lord to take you beside still waters?

Whatever you’re facing today, this week, this month, He is enough. You’re not lacking anything you need in Him. 

When the Rain Comes...

We had several days of rain last week, often at random intervals of the day. I found myself carrying my umbrella at all times—even when it wasn’t raining. I’d carry it to work in the morning, and then again to my car for lunch, and then back to work after lunch, and back to my car at the end of the day.

Sometimes I’d get to work and need it for the quick walk inside—or I’d need it for the walk from the office to my car. 

But most of the time, I was carrying an umbrella without a drop of moisture coming down.

I felt a little silly about it, but I kept thinking I didn’t want to get caught in a downpour without the coverage. That’s happened to me on multiple occasions. Better to be prepared than not, right? 

Our spiritual life can be like that.

It’s not always raining. Sometimes there’s no warning for an impending downpour. But don’t you want to be ready when it comes?

Psalm 119 is one of my favorite chapters in the Bible because it’s shares the writer’s love for God’s word—knowing, obeying, hiding, seeking, declaring, and trusting in His word.

Some of my favorites:

11 I have stored up your word in my heart,
that I might not sin against you.

49 Remember your word to your servant,
in which you have made me hope.
50 This is my comfort in my affliction,
that your promise gives me life.

92 If your law had not been my delight,
I would have perished in my affliction.
93 I will never forget your precepts,
for by them you have given me life.

105 Your word is a lamp to my feet
and a light to my path.

165 Great peace have those who love your law;
nothing can make them stumble.

That last verse—nothing can make them stumble—is so powerful. It reminds me of Psalm 112 where it says the righteous “is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.” Or the Proverbs 31 woman who “laughs at the days to come” (v. 25).

How does that happen? I believe it happens when we know who God. Bill Johnson says that fear is imagining the future without God in it. When I start to feel fearful, that always stops me, and I remind myself, there’s no future circumstance that He doesn’t already know about. And there’s nothing I’ll face that He can’t comfort.

Having God’s word in your heart is like carrying around an umbrella, even when it’s not raining.

When the rain does come, you’re ready. You’ll have great peace and hope because His truth is in you.

What are some of your favorite verses? How do you practice hiding God’s word in your heart?

"Let Us Strive to Find Rest"

I’ve been reading about rest in Hebrews 4, studying from different commentaries on this word and its meaning (which is layered). Although the writer seems to be talking about multiple meanings of rest, I’ve been mostly dwelling on this:

“So, then, there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God, for whoever has entered God’s rest has also rested from his works as God did from his” (Hebrews 4:9-10, ESV).

If God, who needs no rest, rested, how could we not follow his lead? So, I asked myself—what does rest mean to me? What does rest look like?

Sometimes it’s being curled up on the couch with a book or watching a movie or show with Howell or sitting on our front porch, watching the barn swallows. But my favorite happy place?

This.

My dad purchased a few hundred acres of land shortly after I graduated from college about an hour away, and this place has become a little oasis for us. There’s always work to be done, something that needs to be maintained—like shredding roads, spraying mesquites or weeds, repairing fences, etc.—but then we play.

And after we play, we sit. On the porch. On the patio. On the back of a tailgate.

The stars are not veiled by city lights, and the only sounds are the crickets and the distant coyote call.

That sounds like “Sabbath rest” to me.

I’ve always loved Psalm 23—“He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.”

The Lord does it all; I need only follow and submit my heart to His. There’s no other effort.

I actually love the way the writer of Hebrews says, “Let us therefore strive to enter that rest…” (4:11).

Let us work to rest? Let us make an effort to rest?

Seems paradoxical, but it reminds me of Jesus’s words to His disciples: the only work for you to do is believe (John 6:29).

When it’s that kind of effort toward rest, it’s an easy striving.

What about you, my friends? Are you taking time to rest? Do you have a happy place—where your heart finds peace, and your soul is restored?

It’s an effort we’re commanded to make. Let us strive to find rest this week. 

Vacations Are Good for Your Marriage

Not too long ago, we blogged about the importance of vacations for your family (click here to read that post). We try to take a big vacation every year—and usually several weekend ones throughout the year—because we believe that vacations are good for your marriage.

Growing up, I always went on family vacations, and last week my sister shared this post from Jen Hatmaker about family vacations in a group text.  As usual, Jenn had me rolling on the floor laughing. My sister and brother and I went back and forth via text remembering those fun times.

Howell and I were on vacation when my sister shared this story, and as I texted with my family about our vacations growing up, I was reminded that my parents were also very intentional about taking their own vacations sans kids.

Howell’s parents did the same, and when we were first married, we said we’d make that a priority. Even though we didn’t have any money, we’d set aside a little bit each month and plan to go somewhere.

We still do that.

And we’ve been to some great places (ten states plus London and the Caribbean)! Over Spring Break, I presented at a conference in Portland, Oregon, and we both took some vacation days to make a trip of it.

We flew into the Bay Area and spent the weekend there. I’d never been to San Francisco, so we got to do all the touristy stuff (Golden Gate, Lombard Street, Pier 39, Full House, etc.).

Then we rented a car and drove up the coast to Brookings, Oregon. The sights were breathtaking—from the redwoods, which really are amazing, to the beach just mere yards from the highway.

We stayed at a little rent house in Brookings that was right on the beach. So peaceful and relaxing. (We decided we want to go back and stay there for a week!)

Then we detoured to Crater Lake before heading to Portland for the conference.

Although we were “on the go” a lot for our vacation, we both commented several times about how peaceful it was to drive together and to be alone and to be disconnected from work and other life responsibilities.

That’s what vacations do. They allow you to re-fuel, refresh, revive.

If you feel challenged to find quality time with your spouse because of life or kids or work, I highly encourage you to save some money and plan a trip with just the two of you.

It’s a worthwhile investment for your marriage! 

"Present over Perfect" -- Three Words Stirring Up All the Feels

So, I’ve started Shauna Niequist’s new book, Present over Perfect, and y’all, it is doing strange things to my heart.

I read sections and think, Gosh—how did she know that about me?

Confession: When I started reading, it’s because I had two books from Christmas that I wanted to read. But they sat on my end table, staring daggers into my soul and feeling like a weighty to do list rather than a book I, at one point, was dying to crack open.

I don’t have time to read, I thought.

I’m too busy, I said.

And so, I started Shauna’s book not only approaching it as a chore but also attempting to rush through it so it could be checked off my list.

On to the next thing…

So, I skimmed. I read chapters in a hurry—five or ten minutes before leaving for work.

And I read them like, “Yeah, yeah—so good. Workaholics. Idol of productivity. Busy. Say No. Yes, yes—good stuff.”

About five chapters in, I am driving to work, maybe three weeks ago, and what I’d read—what I’d attempted to skim—stayed on my mind.

She says, “We decide where our time goes. There’s so much freedom in that, and so much responsibility” (p. 47).

It was like the Lord just quietly whispered, Slow down. You need to catch this.

The next day, I stopped—I sat down—for more time. A longer quiet.

And I started over.

So now I’m only 30% into the book, according to Goodreads, and I’ve been reading for over a month.

I can’t describe all the ways it’s tugging on my heart, pulling the break cord and asking me to stop and to feel and to process.

I read and don't skim. I don't rush. I re-read and reflect and move to the next page.

Possibly my whole life, my feelings of accomplishment and my source of pride has always come from my work—what I do, what I’ve done.

I’m so immersed in the culture of work, work, work—more, more, more, that I feel like I’m taking baby steps to find what’s healthy.

I’m an academic, and perhaps that’s the worst for performance people. Achievements. Grades. Type As, usually. We live for the pressure and accolades and the euphoria of work accomplished.

Everything is a goal.

Everything can be measured.

Pass or fail.

Perfection.

What a scary word!

So, I’m still belly-deep in this book, and I’m very much processing what it means for me.

But one baby step? I turned off email notifications on my phone.

Two baby step? I now take a full hour at lunch—without emails—even if I can eat in 30 minutes.

Three baby step? I sit. Quietly. Every morning. I might have to rush, rush, rush to get ready in time, but then I sit. And I read. Or I listen to music. Or I pray.

But mostly, I stop.

Friends, I don’t point any fingers on this, but I encourage you to think: What can I turn off today? What choice can I take responsibility for—to give myself the gift of time today? 



_________

Pssssst: Transparent Thursdays are moving to Transparent Tuesdays. Same name. Same content. Just on a different day. :) 

Finding Peace for Your Family

So you’ve got church one to two times on Sunday, dinner with the Joneses on Tuesday, dance and gymnastics every day after school, and football in the fall. The lawn needs to be raked, the dirty clothes pile is overflowing, and the dishes are filling up the sink.

Life, for families in 2017, is crazy to say the least. Where do we find time for each other? Where do we find time for our marriage? Where do we find time for ourselves? Where do we find time for Christ?

Usually, I write about things that we have gone through and dealt with in our marriage. Today, I’m writing about something that we (especially me) are dealing with today…this very moment. I think it is crucial though, so I want to share it. How do we find peace, as a couple, in the midst of our busy lives?

In Colossians 3:15, Paul implores the Colossians to "let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.” 

First, let’s talk about peace. In Colossians here, Paul is meaning it to be a whole, or mended, self. That’s exactly what we all want to be, to help lead our families, right? He’s also very clearly talking to individuals, who were all called to be at peace together. 

Let's let peace rule in our hearts, individually, so that the body (your family) can have peace together.

Paul says to “let the peace of Christ rule…” He doesn't say to create the peace or take hold of “the peace.” This is a passive action that comes from knowing Christ and allowing him to minister. The Holy Spirit is the one here today, actively giving you peace. We “let” Him. It’s your heart; you must allow Him access. 

That looks different for different people. For me, it is taking quiet time to reflect on what is in the way and consciously telling Him (for my benefit) that I am setting something aside and allowing His peace to reign in me. For you, it might look different. It always includes making a decision to set whatever is going on aside, though.

Paul also leaves a clue at the end of the verse for us. “And be thankful” is there for a reason. Have you ever known someone who seemed truly at peace in their life and with their family who wasn’t thankful? That’s rhetorical, because the answer is no. 

To be whole, and to have peace, regardless of the situation, you must be thankful. 

Be thankful for kids to take to soccer practice. Be thankful for good friends to have dinner with. Be thankful for your extraordinary marriage. Without that, none of this works.

Hopefully, you can relate to this, and it is helpful. The Lord is ministering to Laura and me a lot about peace right now, and I think that’s for a reason. Your life may not be peaceful, but it is much better to be at peace in the midst of it.

~Howell

@G2WHubs

Experiencing God's Peace

I’ve told you that my word this year is peace, and last Sunday at CORE, our pastor preached on peace.

Coincidence? I think not! J

The word peace in the Greek means ‘mended, mendedness, reconciled, brought back together.’

Doesn’t that create a beautiful word-picture when we consider that through Jesus, we have peace with God?

Peace with God restores us to a place of order, a place without chaos.

I felt like the Lord showed me that the word peace for 2017 does not mean that the year will be calm or quiet or without trials.

He gave me the word peace because this is the year Howell and I will learn to walk in peace—regardless of our circumstances.

When Howell tried to erase our marker board, which has read “Let the peace of God rule in your heart” since last spring, God told him to put it back up there.

Apparently, we still have much to learn about letting God’s peace rule in our heart.

I’ve blogged before about this verse—that we’re commanded to let peace rule, which means have utter authority, like a judge that presides over our hearts.

When I don’t feel at peace, when life feels chaotic or out of control, I need only consider who or what is ruling my heart.

Probably, it’s Laura. Probably I’m trying to do it all or make something happen or carry a burden I never should’ve picked up.

Job 22:21 says, “Agree with God and be at peace.”

The Amplified version says, “Now yield and submit yourselves to Him [agree with God and be conformed to His will] and be at peace.”

Again, if I’m not feeling peaceful, am I submitted to God? Am I agreeing with Him for whatever situation I’m facing?

Our pastor told us, “Maybe instead of praying for peace, you need to pray for your heart to be submitted to the Lordship of God in your life.”

Wow.

May my heart be at peace—always.

May I allow God’s peace to have utter authority in my heart at all times.

May I position my heart this year to agree with God, to be submitted wholly to His Lordship.

Click to Tweet: Does life feel chaotic or out of control? @Grace2Write shares how you can experience God’s peace in your life. 

'16 Going on '17

Happy New Year, my friends, and hello, 2017.

So, 2016. Not a bad year, eh?

Despite the fact that Rizzoli, our beloved Weimaraner, tried to kill herself a couple times and almost died more than once, we’ve decided the year was a good one.

At the end of 2015, I felt like in 2016 we would see prayers answered and dreams accomplished, and God would pour out his blessing on us and our family.

He certainly did.  

We both turned 30 in 2016 and marked off two items from our bucket lists—a Celine Dion concert and a Browns’ football game in Cleveland. (See my 30th tribute to Howell.)

My best friend got married in March, and we took a couple’s trip to New York in July.

My WIP won first place in a contest this summer, and on Christmas Eve I found out I was accepted to present at a conference in March that I’ve been trying to get accepted to for several years.

I was promoted at work this fall, and the rest of the semester feels a bit like a blur, to be honest, as I spent the next few months learning the ropes. (I’m still learning! :) )

And we ended our year with a wonderful early Christmas present—the early arrival of my new nephew, Case.

My favorite thing about a new year is the pause it always gives me to sit and reflect.

For the last several years, God has given me a word for the year—and sometimes, through my dear friend Brandi. I’ve blogged about some of them before. 2012 my word was Favor. In 2013, Brave. 2014, Grace. 2015, Hope. 2016, Redeem.

I already know my word for 2017—Peace.

God continues to give me the verse, “And let the peace of God rule in your hearts.” That verse has been on my heart for a while—and apparently I still need it. :) 

I’m not big on resolutions. Probably I should work out. Probably I could lose another ten pounds.

But one thing I’ve got to resolve is to let God’s peace rule in my heart.

I can’t get overwhelmed with stress or the lists or the circumstances. I don’t have permission to do so.

As women, I’ve said before how much we influence the tone in our house. When our husbands come home, are we frantic or at peace? Are we distracted or honoring?

For me, the busier I felt this fall, the more frantic and distracted I became at home.

I’m thankful for my hubs who pursues my heart, regardless of my state of mind. But just because he does it so well doesn’t mean he should have to encounter a frantic wife every day.

I want to be a blessing to him. I want to be present—at home, at work, at lunch with friends.

I want to prioritize what matters—and for me, that’s always been people. God taught me that as I waded through grad school: the papers, the assignments, the stress, it’ll all pass away; but relationships are what matter in His kingdom.

I want to set the stress aside and not worry about what I cannot control.

So, 2017—bring on the peace!

How about you? 

Rain That Refreshes, Renews

Sheets of rain are pouring down as I work on this blog post, and I’m thinking about the expression, “When it rains, it pours.” 

I’ve felt that way a little these last few weeks as I’ve recently had a lot of busyness, uncertainty, and ever-growing ‘to do’ lists. 

  

But rain can also be refreshing: the ground soaks in the moisture while thirsty crops catch drops of water on glistening, bright green leaves.   

 For me, the rhythm outside my window calms me, and I’m renewed, revived. 

Peace. 

Be still. 

Peace.

I’m in your midst. 

I hear His words in the beat of the drops on my windowsill. 

And after the rain stops, after the stormy clouds and unpredictable precipitation recede, He washes me clean again; he restores my soul. 

Sometimes I wonder why I ever stress at all. When it’s all said and done, He’s always taken care of me. He’s never let me fall. 

I breathe in fresh, clean air. Don’t you love the smell of rain? 

I breathe in more of His Spirit, His grace, His strength. 

The joy of the Lord is my strength.

His grace is sufficient for me.

Friends, if you’ve been near me these last four weeks, I’ve been a hot mess. But today, it’s as if the Lord hit the reset button with all this rain, and I get to resurface with a renewed purpose and joy. 

If you need to be renewed, I pray the Lord would rain sweet drops of grace and mercy over your soul today.