For my last Marriage Monday post, I talked about one of the
greatest ways we can meet a man’s need to feel respected by his wife—when we appreciate his desire to work and achieve.
Many of us wives want to
respect our husbands, but we might not know how. In Love and Respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs gives practical steps for
ways that we can meet this need in our men.
So today, I want to focus on a couple more from Emerson’s
list:
When we appreciate his desire to serve and lead
When we appreciate his desire to analyze and counsel
If the
wife makes a lot of decisions (taking on the expression “she wears the pants in
this family”), it might be that she’s not letting her husband lead.
BUT sometimes women don’t mean to become the decision-makers,
and in reality, they don’t want that responsibility. Unfortunately, though,
they feel like they aren't getting any decisions from their men. Instead they get a
grunt or a shrug or a “whatever you think.”
And we've found that, despite their desire to serve and lead,
to analyze and counsel—men react this way for a couple possible reasons.
First, they might feel like they’ve tried to make decisions
in the past that have been vetoed by the wife and/or kids. It’s the cliché
comedy line where the wife asks the husband what she should wear/do/say, and
the husband tells her his opinion, to which the wife responds by doing the
exact opposite of his suggestion.
Ladies, if this has been you (it’s been me before too), your
husband is shrinking back because you’ve not made him feel respected. You’ve
not appreciated his desire to be a decision-maker.
Second, our men are sometimes afraid of making the wrong
decision—and perhaps have done so in the past, only to have it hurled back at
them as failure. (Think: “I knew we shouldn’t have done what you said…”)
I know I’ve been guilty of both before, but you know what?
His mercies are new every morning. A fresh start. Each day is new opportunity to change, to make better choices.
I’ve found over the last few years I’m capable of
exerting self-control, even in the small things. If I ask Howell where he wants
to eat or what he wants for dinner, and it’s not what I wanted—well, you know
what? I asked him for his opinion, and I’m going to honor that.
When I ask him be the final decision-maker in areas small
and big, he not only feels respected but he also grows in confidence to lead, and
The other thing I’ve learned is when he isn’t giving me an
answer, if I’m getting an “I don’t know” or “I’m good either way” or “whatever
you think,” I will tell him, “Babe, I need you to make this decision for me.
It’s important, and I will honor whatever you think; I just need you to decide
what’s best for us.”
When I say something along those lines, he knows he can
trust my heart to not backfire his decision. And it puts me at a place of peace
because I am taking the burden off of me and letting my husband do what God
equipped him to do—serve and lead, analyze and counsel.
Friends, if this is an area of struggle, I encourage you to
start small—and then watch how your husband shows love in return because you’ve filled
his cup with respect.
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