Monday, January 8, 2018

Marriage Goals

Do you set goals for your marriage? January is a popular time for setting goals for the year and planning life changes. I’m personally trying to eat better, which is harder than I thought it would be! How can I be a better husband? Yesterday, I was talking to a friend of mine. He and his wife have a good marriage, but they have decided to really focus on improving their relationship in 2018. Why have a good marriage when you can have a great marriage? This started a thought process in my mind, what do I want to change about my marriage?

On this blog, we often talk about specific issues such as communication, sex, or fighting. This is more of a general topic, but I think it’s important.  Marriage is like anything else in life. You get out of it what you put in. You can’t expect to have an extraordinary marriage when you don’t pay any attention to your spouse or your relationship.

We often view ourselves as really nice people who are honest and kind. We think that will be enough to have good relationships. The hard truth is that it isn’t. Relationships happen intentionally. They aren’t accidents. To improve your marriage you need to know three things: what you want to improve, that your spouse wants the same thing, and how you will accomplish it. Without those, especially the second one, it’s just another New Year’s resolution.

So this is what I’m going to ask you to do. Sit down with your spouse and make a list of what you like most about your marriage in each of these areas: spirituality, communication, sex, money, kids (if applicable). Keep this list handy when times are tough this year. It will remind you how good your marriage really is.

After that, make another list with the same categories for things you want to improve about your marriage. Only write things down that you both agree on. If you don’t agree on something, I suggest that you pray about it and seek wise counsel. Now, take one thing (yes, only one) and make a plan for how you will improve that area. Give yourselves a preset date in the near future to sit and talk about your progress. Once this area is greatly improved, move on to a new area. I truly believe that if both of you are committed and humble with this, your marriage will improve more than you thought possible in 2018!


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