Thursday, January 28, 2016

When Anxious Thoughts Steal My Peace...

I have struggled to get a post out this week mostly because I have struggled with being vulnerable. It’s called “Transparent Thursday,” right? 

Earlier this week, I felt very anxious about some future events. I am a planner, y’all, and so I suppose uncertainty will always be my nemesis until I learn to walk in peace and trust the Lord. 

This was my conversation on Tuesday morning, as I’m trying to get ready for work—and the Lord keeps interrupting me. (He does that sometimes.) 

Lord: Why are you doing this with your thoughts?
Me: What? I feel fine. I’m fine.
Lord: What are you feeling? Why do you think you do this?

[Side note: Remember when I said I used to be a professional avoider, but the Lord helped me learn how to express all these stuffed down feels?]

Me: I don’t know. I don’t know what you mean. I feel fine. Everything is cool with us.
Lord: Your heart is troubled. Can you just pause for a second?
**I sit on the edge of the chair. (You know, not totally committing.)**
**60 seconds of silence.**
Me: I guess I feel anxious because I don’t know—and uncertainty makes me anxious.
**More silence.**
Me: And so I guess, in my mind, I go to the worse-case scenario to make myself feel better.
Lord: And does it make you feel better?
**I sink into the chair.**
Me: No… I just feel more anxious.
Lord: I hold your future, sweet child—and I promise it’s good because I’m good and because I’ll be with you always.

I heard a sermon once (okay, fine, I don't really listen to sermons online, but I heard from a friend about a sermon once :)) that fearing the future means I’m imagining a future without the Lord in it. 

When I remember that He is with me always, I remember I have nothing to fear. 

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I can’t control my uncertainty. I can’t predict the future. I have no idea how it will all shake out.

But I can control myself. He’s given me the Holy Spirit to help me do just that. 

And through Him, I can live in peace every day. 

Isn’t that a better way to live, my friends? 

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