Present over Perfect: More Baby Steps

Okay, y’all, I know I mentioned Shauna’s book, Present over Perfect, in last week’s #MarriageMonday post, but I’ve finished the book and want to share a few more small victories I’ve had. :) 

I’ve given my hearty recommendation for this book in lots of other posts (here and here and here). This book is a game-changer if you’re any range on the Type A scale or if you’ve ever felt any of the following:

I want to stay home tonight, but I have to do/go/be/make/lead/clean up/set up for X event.

I am too tired to be tired.

If I don’t do it, then…..

If only I had time to do….

I could keep going, but, well, you get the idea. She calls it gluttony, the addiction we have to being on the go, always moving, always striving, always adding more, more, more to our plate.

Then we begrudge the life we’re living (though we’d never admit this) because we don’t have time, or we’re exhausted, or we have another dream in our heart, or _________ (fill in the blank).

As someone who is always the responsible person, always the go-to girl, I have identified with Shauna’s words in ways I can’t even describe. I feel like she is writing about me for much of her book—minus the musician husband, the two kids, and the being a famous author with a full speaking schedule, of course. :) 

But seriously. My whole adult life has been about working hard, striving for that next level of accomplishment, that next thing to get to.

I’m in my early 30s, and I somehow know that if I don’t get this right, if I don’t learn how to say no and slow down and find the balance—the real balance—between work and home, then I’ll be worn out for the next 30 or 40 years. I’ll resent my work and what I do, and I’ll have no one to blame but myself.

This book could not be more timely for me.

So, a few weeks ago, I told you about my first baby steps—turning off my email notifications. Between 8:00 and 5:00 Monday to Friday, I am glued to a computer and email and phone calls and decisions and fires to be put out, but when I go home, it all turns off.

I take my full lunch. I’ll admit there are still some days where meetings stack up, and I’m not getting a lunch break, but for the most part, I am taking a full hour every day to DISCONNECT and RECHARGE.

And I’m writing. I’m doing that thing that fuels my soul, the longing in my heart that isn’t satisfied until I go to that imaginative alter-reality and start clicking away on my keyboard.

Today I’m happy to share some more milestones. A couple weeks ago I said no to something that I felt obligated to say yes to, and I said yes to two things that were out of my “I must be responsible” character.

Y’all, it felt so good.

I am in control of me. And although I can’t necessarily control what walks through my office door or what pops up in an email or what comes through my phone, I do get to be in control of my time—how I choose to spend it.

I choose to spend the hours at work being present—doing the best job that I can do, being intentional with every person I come in contact with, asking the Lord for help—all. the. time.

And I choose when to say work ends—and now my home life begins. This is my time with Howell. This is my time for us, for our family, for our friends.

How about you, friends? How are you managing your time? What can you say no to today? Any advice for a recovering busy-aholic?

Serving Together

Serving others has really made a big difference in our marriage. There is something about doing good together that brings us closer. It’s one of the things that brought us together when we were first dating and has helped sustain us over the years.

I can’t think of anything better for a couple of people who have fallen in love than having quality time. The more time Laura and I spend with each other, the better we are at loving each other. We have done missions and volunteer work, and we often serve at our local church in various capacities. We do just about all of these together, and they continually build up the same priorities of service within us. Our ideas of whom and how to serve have grown to give us a united sense of purpose that helps drive our marriage.

Laura and I had not been dating long when we took a mission trip to Mexico over Spring Break that really brought us closer and helped build a firm foundation for our marriage to come.

First Mission Trip: On the bus to Mexico

We went on a mission trip to Guatemala before we even celebrated our first-year anniversary, and that trip bonded our marriage in ways that only third-world mission trips can do (side note: our bathroom didn’t have a door, and let’s just say we were both pretty sick for most of the trip. #forbetterorworse).

The Construction Crew

We found that serving others opened our eyes and our perspective and allowed us to serve each other better, too. Since those early years of marriage, we have made it a priority to hear from God about where and whom He would have us serve.

Serving brings you closer to God, and thus, you are better for each other. By serving others and the Lord, you bring yourself and those with you in line with God’s will. In Matthew 25, Jesus says “Truly, I say to you, as you do unto one of the least of these, my brothers, you did it to me.” Jesus is our example, the model for us. His entire purpose was about people and serving others.

In my life, serving others has proven again and again to bring me closer to Him and His will for my life. The same goes for our family. Our marriage is built on serving the Kingdom of Heaven; it’s our mission and purpose in life.

If you and your spouse are both believers, we encourage you to ask God how you can serve others in His kingdom. Volunteer together and see how much it blesses you.

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Howell

@G2WHubs

Creating a Vision for Your Family

January is a time when we like to make a lot of new beginnings. The old year has passed, and it’s time to revolutionize our lives and become the new us. Does it ever work? Well, I can’t think of a single New Year’s diet or workout plan that has lasted far into February (or January most years), but there are simple things we can do to change the relationships in our lives that are easier to stick with than the next fad diet. They are probably more beneficial, too.

Today, I’d like to talk to the husbands out there. Ask yourself this question:

What is my vision for my family this year?

If you can’t answer that in ten seconds or less, you probably don’t have one. Well, that’s why we’re here. Let’s discuss it.

First, what is a vision? Webster’s defines it as “a supernatural appearance that conveys a revelation.” A vision, more literally, is something you see, imagine, or dream, but when we use the term from a biblical perspective, it's more related to your purpose and mission. Setting a vision gives you a picture or goal of what change you want to see in your family this year.

Why is this important? Proverbs 29:18 says “Where there is no vision, the people are discouraged.” As spiritual leaders of our homes, one of our greatest duties is to encourage our households. Giving a vision, or goal, for this year is a great way to encourage your wife and let her know what direction you’re taking your marriage.

So what should your vision for your marriage and/or family be? You’ll have to pray about that. It may be something as simple as living a healthier lifestyle or something as big as pursuing a relationship with Christ together on a whole new level.

My vision for my family, this year, is to be more intentional and directional about prayer. We need to spend time focused on His promises for us over the coming year.

Let’s pray. Lord, give me the vision that you have for us. I know that you have in mind what goal you want us to pursue this year and how you want us to go about that. I have an open mind and an open heart, and I’m asking you what I need to do to obey you with my family. I trust in your perfect plan, and we, as a family, seek to glorify you. In Jesus’ name, amen.

This is the second post in our series for The Habits of Marriage. To see the other posts, click here. 
 
Click to Tweet: Have you set a vision for your family this year? @G2WHubs shares why it's important for your marriage. #MarriageMonday

Howell

Choosing Joy!

As of Saturday, we have lived in Plainview for one month. It is a little crazy to think about how quickly the time has passed, especially considering how many months and months (10 to be exact) we spent praying and waiting for God to move on our behalf. God's hand has so clearly been in everything that has happened--from the smooth closings, the available funds, the moving process, and even unpacking.

I will be honest, though... Our first month in Plainview has been a little hard. We have had a few bumps in the road, some unexpected problems, namely our plumbing, which quit working the day after we moved in, and even now, one month later, is somewhat fixed, but we still don't have 100% functioning.

What I wasn't prepared for was the emotional battle my heart would face. Here God has blessed us with this beautiful house we hoped and prayed for and a five minute drive to my work, and He has provided all that we asked and needed to get us here.

And yet, within a week of living in Plainview, I suddenly felt very lonely and vulnerable. I missed my friends and family in Lubbock, especially on the nights Hal traveled, and I was acutely aware that I had no social life. At the same time, I felt so overwhelmed to live in this kid-ready house with a playroom and a swing set and access to a community pool. Everything reminded me that I'm not pregnant, we don't have kids, and I'm still just an outsider looking in.

For weeks I have had this battle in my heart--and for weeks, I felt like I've been losing.

But this weekend the Lord reminded me that He is for me, not against me. I know He called us to Plainview. I know He gave us this exact house for an important reason. I know He has a plan.

Friday night, we got to hear Dr. Ben Carson speak. Among his many other accomplishments, his life story and all that he has had to overcome just blew me away. He repeatedly talked about personal choice, saying, "The person who is most responsible for what happens to you in life is you."

I get to choose. I choose what my attitude will be. I choose whether or not I'll have joy or sorrow. And when I don't choose His promises or all that He has for me, I am letting the enemy rob me of my joy. When I don't choose thankfulness for all that He has provided, I am letting the enemy steal my testimony.

So, we don't have kids... So, I don't have a lot of friends (yet). I have a lot of other blessings in my life, including an incredible husband, who is my best friend. And the friendships I do have are far richer in quality than they would ever be in quantity. (I mean, how many friends will spend 14 hours in one day helping you paint--and get back into the house you've accidentally locked yourself out of!!)

My God has abundantly and richly blessed me, and if I will remember that He is my provider, my sufficiency, my security, and my hope, then I can change the attitude of my heart and in exchange, receive His spirit of joy and grace and thankfulness. I may not have the full picture. I may  not see His full purpose for us in Plainview, but He does. And if I really believe in His goodness, if I really believe in His faithfulness, then I can trust Him, beyond my circumstances, beyond my emotions, that He is still working on my behalf, that He is still with me and for me.

God is Not Confined by Man-Made Artifacts

It's hard to believe I'm on my second to last attribute in my list from Acts 17:22-31: God is not man-made nor is He confined by man-made artifacts. Verse 30 tells us that we ought not to think that He is like "gold or silver or stone, something shaped by art and man's devising." Paul's reference to gold and silver and stone here is a direct reference to man-made idols, gods worshiped by the Greeks (at this point, he is in Athens). Today our nation may not have golden statues that we worship (though other nations certainly do), but we have plenty of things we idolize. That's not what I want to say this morning though...

Similar to the third attribute (God is boundless), God is not contained by our man-made creations, and I would dare say our biggest failure as Christians is that we, in this nation, have reduced God to Sunday morning church.

Not only is God's presence everywhere, but His Holy Spirit lives inside of me. If we are the body of Christ, then we also are the Church. This struck me in particular Saturday night at church. Pastor Jackie was pretty fired up preaching about service, our mandate to serve one another. His last point was that we serve to right injustices. The point of our Christian walk is not to fill a pew and get comfy - it's to go out and serve! And to do that, we don't have to take a trip halfway around the world. Places like the Dream Center minister to the poor in our city - right here in Lubbock!

In fact, Jackie talked a lot about our mandate to serve the poor and widows. That's why he has such a heart for the Slaton-Bean area. The Church, Christians, should be the ones serving those in need, those in crises, those in abusive situations, those in poverty and with poverty mindsets.

I am so thankful to be a part of a church, and under a pastor, who serves our city and our world. This year, we will send 150 people out to places all over the world, like Kenya, India, Czech Republic, and Guatemala, to serve. We give some 30% of our budget to missions organizations where most churches are lucky if their staff gives 10% away. And we have people who serve at the Dream Center daily, ministering to those in need in our city.

And what I love about the Dream Center is its goal to train and raise up generations out of poverty. Sure, we give away food and clothes to hundreds of families each week, but we also offer after school programs, G.E.D. classes, and job-search skills, like resume-building and interview strategies.

But it's not just about what my church is doing; it's about what I'm doing. When we got home, I kept thinking about our mandate to serve the poor. Personally, I am sometimes skeptical of government welfare programs because, for one, I know that the programs get abused by those who would take advantage of free money. When I worked at United Supermarkets, it always irked me when I would sack groceries for a WIC family and then carry the groceries out to a brand new Escalade. Secondly, I was raised to always take a job, to always work, no matter how "beneath me" the task may be. But on Saturday, God said to me, if the Church would do its job, there'd be no need for the government to run welfare programs. The welfare of the poor and the job-less is and has always been the Church's responsibility. 

Instead, we are worrying about building 20 million dollar buildings and buying fancier stuff to fill our pews. If every church in every city served the poor, the job-less, the homeless, and those abused, we wouldn't have a welfare problem.

Jackie is right: we have a mandate to serve. And we have a mandate to serve those in unjust situations, to right injustices. And poverty is an injustice. We are the Church - you and me - and our purpose is no more about filling a pew than God's attribute is about being contained within the four walls of a church.

Jesus said that He didn't come to be served, but to serve. If you're waiting for "The Church" to do something in our nation, stop. You are the Church. I am the Church. Let's do one thing today, this week, this month, to serve others.

Ephesians 1 & 2 --Part 2

To read Part 1, go here.

To clarify, some Christians have taken the view that God's story is somehow their story and that the cross is all about them, and for them. Let us be certain that we are mere participants in God's story. Some might say God needed a relationship with us; others on a different extreme have twisted God's love as the motivation to be about them somehow...

So let's be clear: the cross and the mystery of his will were "to the praise of his glory" (Eph 1:11). Or to be even more exact, scripture says, "But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ--by grace you have been saved--and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, SO THAT in the ages to come he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus" (Eph 2:4-7).

Everything about the cross and God's story should point to his grace and love and glory. If it was "for us," it was only in the most undeserved way, as we were dead in sin and he made us alive! We've all read "by grace...through faith." But let's not forget the part that reads "and this is not your own doing; it's the gift of God...so that no one may boast" (Eph 2:8-9).

With the right perspective of God's story, we can begin to do that which he desires, that which he has given us the authority to do: "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus, for good works, which he prepared beforehand that we should walk in them" (Eph 2:10). Post-salvation is not about waiting til we reach our mansion in the sky. It's about letting Jesus sanctify his bride--doing everything he can to conform us to his image is his desire. So when it says we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus, it's talking about our re-birth--our new man, brought to maturity through sanctification and the washing of the word. That new man is now ready to do God's work, his will, on earth.

The bride of Christ is sleeping and unprepared. We've not let our bridegroom sanctify us, and we're not doing the works that he asked. In fact, we hardly look like Jesus at all. We think "it's too hard; I'm too sinful," and in our laziness, we fail to bring the kingdom on earth. We fail to do what we've been given authority to do. We fail to walk in the plans that have already been laid out for us.

Do we not believe in the power of Jesus? Do we not believe that we've been given the same power? (Eph 1:19-23) Do we not understand our inheritance? The seal of the Holy Spirit? (Eph 1:13-19) Or do we not grasp the riches of grace lavished upon us, undeservedly? The great love that points to the glory of God in his redeeming will....

We must let our bridegroom renew our minds from what we know. We need to be washed with his word. Oh that he would begin to sanctify his bride... Oh that she would let him... and that we would begin to walk in his purpose for us here.