Giving thanks

I don’t think my faith has ever been tested quite to the extent that it’s being tested right now. Three days this week—Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday—I literally shook my fists at God. I screamed. I questioned His goodness, His faithfulness. And I yelled, “Enough!” Enough is enough. I could rattle off a dozen “unfair” things in my life right now—miracles I’ve begged for, requests I’ve petitioned Him for—none of which is happening.

But then I remember an important truth You taught me. Eucharisteo. Thankfulness precedes the miracle. Eucharisteo. He broke the bread. And gave thanks. And then sacrificed himself—His willingness to die so that I might live. Not only am I reminded that this life is about more than the here and now, but also sometimes the choice of thanks precedes the miracle. Sometimes the choice of thanks is in the middle of the hardest hour.

We choose to give thanks even before the miracle. We choose the hard thanks. We choose, instead, a life of thankfulness. 

And a life of thankfulness remembers all that I have. An attitude of thankfulness remembers the miracles He has performed when it doesn’t feel like He hears my prayers at all. I short change God when the moment he doesn’t perform, I accuse Him of unfaithfulness; I count the miracle as lost. But the truth is I can attest to a lot of prayers He has answered. Miracles big and small He has performed. And usually, the miracle is when I least expect it or when His timing is better than I could have planned.

My faith is weak, my unbelief, strong, and my view of God, small when I am quick to be angry for all that He hasn’t done. Oh how I lose sight of all that He has done.

Today—my family drove 45 miles, the boys crammed in the third row seats, to help decorate my office and see “my world” in Plainview. Today—the dean of my department, my new colleague and friend came up to the school to say “Hi” and meet my family. Today alone I am reminded of His goodness. Today I am reminded: I am blessed. 

Blessed with good gifts from a good Father

It's been a while since my last post, but I've been thinking about the goodness of God. I realized that in my short discussion of God's attributes from Acts 17:22-31, I did not blog about God's goodness--that God, in his very nature, is good.

A few years ago, on another blog, I wrote a post about Psalm 119:68, which says that God is good, and what He does is good. I love that verse. It reminds me, too, of Jesus' sermon where He says what Dad would give his son a stone if he asked for a slice of bread? And if so, how much greater are the gifts that our Heavenly Daddy wants to give to us? 

This semester, I've experienced such a sweet overflow of goodness and blessing from the Lord. When the scripture says, "Taste and see that the Lord is good," I can now say, "Yup, I have, and I do." For starters, my sister got engaged in January and is getting married at the end of June. Although this event is not my own personal experience, I am still greatly blessed by it. It blesses me to see that she truly has found God's best for her. It's a beautiful picture of God's mercy, and grace, and love--that despite some of life's journeys, at the end of the road is a taste of His goodness, a taste that says, at the end of the day, He is still good.

My brother, too, got engaged this semester, and again, it blesses me so. I have joked about this with friends, but I cried for joy when he got engaged--more so than I cried at my own proposal moment! Maybe it is because he is my big brother and because I know in my heart the leap of faith he's taking--the same leap of faith we all take--when we say, yes, I commit my life to this person. I am so thankful for Megan--she was a picture of God's goodness for my brother, and now, she'll be my sister-in-law. :) That God, in His perfect timing, would put together two strong, complementing couples--Michalea and Jaime, Clinton and Meg--is a beautiful picture of His goodness.

And if you've not heard, I got a job at Wayland in Plainview as an Assistant Professor of English. I officially start this August. I'm not sure that I can adequately articulate how thrilled I am to have this position. It's not just a job for me, which means it's more than just the every-day-good-ole-workings-of-God kind of thing. It's exactly what I want to teach (linguistics, technical communication, research writing, and composition) at exactly the place where I wanted to teach. When I started my PhD at Texas Tech, I knew Tech would never hire me as a professor (they do not hire their own grads), but my heart desired to stay in or near Lubbock. Hal has a great job here, we have an amazing church home (which is not always easy to find!), most of my family is here (or near), and this is home to me. Thankfully--and truly by the grace of God--Hal feels at home here, too. That's not to say that God can't or won't move us elsewhere someday, but to stay in this area was my heart's greatest desire. And because of that, to teach at Wayland, specifically, has been my prayer for three years--long before there was a job opening, long before there was a letter of application submitted, long before an interview took place.

When I was offered the job, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so I did a little of both. In life, I feel like things rarely work out the way we hoped. I don't mean that negatively because I do believe God works everything for His good--and there are lots of things in my life that I am so glad they didn't work out. I love the verse that says in his heart, man plans his ways, but the Lord directs his path. Often, that is the reality: life is not always what we plan. We think we want to be somewhere doing something, but then sometimes God changes our path, and we later see it for the good.

But this is not one of those times--that's why I think it's so rare--because this is one of those times where the end worked out exactly as I hoped. And because of that, I can only be in awe of my Heavenly Daddy, in awe that He would give me such a perfect gift, the answer to my prayer three years ago!

Sometimes in the midst of our circumstances, it's hard to remember God's goodness because the circumstance or situation doesn't feel good. In those times, cling to His attribute--that He is good, and what He does is good. And then remember to thank Him when, out of His goodness, He blesses you with good gifts!