Proverbs 12:15 says, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise.”
The Message Version of Proverbs 19:20-21 says, “Take good
counsel and accept correction—that’s the way to live wisely and well.”
Don’t we all want to be wise? Don’t we want to live well?
Listening to advice—namely, seeking wise counsel—is hard,
but I’ve found that it’s essential in all areas of our life, especially in our
marriages.
Howell and I were having dinner with three other couples a
few months ago, all of whom had been married anywhere from ten to twenty years longer than we have. Somehow the topic
of counseling came up, and every single one of us shared how counseling had
positively impacted our marriages at one point or another.
I’ve been thinking about that since then. Some people might
have a certain fear about counseling, especially marriage counseling. Maybe it
feels like failure—and they want to keep holding on to the secret that their
marriage is falling apart. Maybe it feels too personal—and they don’t want
someone all up in their business.
Can I tell you the truth, dear friend?
It’s neither shameful nor scary.
Bringing your “stuff”
into the light brings freedom and healing—and wise counsel becomes a balm to
those broken places.
There’s something about an outside perspective that helps
you see things in your marriage, in yourself, or in your spouse that you
couldn’t have seen otherwise. And wise counselors have good tools to help us
better understand each other.
Howell and I went through some intense counseling early on,
and I genuinely believe it set us up for a solid foundation. We learned so much
about ourselves—as much as we learned about each other.
In those first few years of marriage, when we would argue, I
would want to leave—the room, the house. Always, I wanted an escape. And Howell
would say, “But Mary Ann said we should…”
And for whatever reason, that worked. (FYI: Mary Ann was our
counselor. J)
It’s not that she had a certain power over us, but when he said that, it would
remind me of my behavior, where the root of it came from, what it meant to me,
what it communicated to Howell—and I would remember, I don’t want to be this
way. I don’t want to be the person who leaves in an argument, who can’t settle
a disagreement, who can’t listen to wisdom. And so I would stay, and I would
talk, and I would listen.
We have the power within us to choose how we behave. I
suppose the second step of counseling is application, right?
Wise counsel comes in many forms—not only the professional
kind (though it is a worthy investment!). You can also surround yourself with
wise counsel—your parents, your mentors, your friends. Always, the Bible
instructs us and gives us tools for how to live.
Even now, Howell and I seek wise counsel when we make big
decisions, especially financial ones. We have people in our lives who speak
truth to us, and we heed their advice.
If you’re struggling today—especially if your marriage feels
like it’s failing, I encourage you to seek wise counsel and heed good advice.
May it bring healing and freedom and restoration to your relationship.
[This post originally appeared on the Harvest Christian Fellowship blog, Among Friends.]
[This post originally appeared on the Harvest Christian Fellowship blog, Among Friends.]
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