Hanging on

It has been over a month since I last posted. And I don't think I have the words to describe the up-and-down of the last month.

Have you ever been tested, to the core of you? And you REALLY believed God for something...and you prayed and trusted and waited and prayed... And then, it didn't happen. The thing you truly needed. What you believed God would work out and take care of--He didn't. Ever been that disappointed? At first, I think I was stuck. I couldn't believe that God really hadn't answered my prayer. I'd been so sure He would. And of course, I'm surrounded by the "right answers" for the appropriate situation-- God knows best, God works all things for our good, He has the bigger picture in mind, He is sovereign, etc.

Deep down, of course, I believe all this. His goodness and faithfulness are at the core of my foundation. They are what keep me trusting. Yesterday, I feel like Hal and I traded one trial for another. God sort of answered our prayer, but only to raise another problem.

I don't know what God is doing, and I don't see the bigger picture. But every morning, for the last 6 weeks, I've continued to run to Him. I take all my pain, my confusion, my doubt, and my frustration--and I lay it at His feet. I know that we are weary, but I hold onto the promises He gave me almost 10 years ago: "Do not grow weary in doing good, for at the right time, you will reap a harvest, if you do not give up" (Galatians 6:9) and "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ" (1 Peter 1:6-7).