The Words You're Probably Avoiding

Finances. Budgets. Bills. These are words most couples dread, right?

Usually Howell is the one to blog about money (this one is my fav), but it’s been on my heart this week, so I wanted to share a few principles we follow that I believe bring peace to this area in our marriage.

1. Tithe. If you’re on the fence about tithing, I can promise you it’s worth it to be obedient to the Lord. When we follow His word and do as He asks, abundant blessing follows. Our first couple years of marriage, our combined income was below the poverty level of a single-income household, and yet, we followed this principal of giving 10% of our income to the Lord (i.e. to our church home)—and we never went without. God has always provided everything we need.

We’ve always had the mindset that everything we own is God’s, and from the very beginning, we’d ask him, what do you want us to do with your money? Pay bills, of course. Provide for ourselves. But what else?

We both come from families who are “givers.” What does that mean? It usually means the family tithes—but in our case, we also watched our parents give generous gifts, sometimes to support monthly ministries, sometimes to give one-time gifts to the church for a project, sometimes to give extravagantly to those in need.

My dad used to tell me, even as a young girl, “You can’t out-give God.” How incredibly true! That first year of marriage, on our little income, we not only tithed, but we prayerfully considered giving to specific ministries every month. At first, we couldn’t give much, but as we were diligent to give away the little that we had, God quickly and immeasurably provided a blessing in return. With every raise we’ve ever had, our question has always been—Okay, God? How much and where to?

2. Save. Since I’ve already ball-parked our early income for you, I’ll go ahead and share that we saved enough for a down payment to buy a house within one year of being married on an income that certainly felt teeny-tiny. Want to know how? We save 10% of our income each month. 10%--that’s all. Give 10, Save 10.

We’ve been supernaturally rewarded by being stewards of our money in this way. We’ve been married 9 years, and we’ve paid off roughly $90,000 in debt. Today our only debt is our house, which will be paid for in 13 years or less.  I don’t say that to brag—in fact, I felt humbled when I started totaling it all up in preparation for this post. But because I know it’s possible to tackle what might even feel impossible, I want to encourage you: it can be done!

3. Mutually submit. We get paid twice a month, and we immediately tithe and save 10%. We do it on the gross income (though we don’t think there’s anything wrong doing it the other way), so we’re a little more stretched. What’s left after that is the money we live on and the money we give away.

Howell’s emphasized budgeting, and we live by his cute little spreadsheet (love ya, babe :)), so we know when it’s all spent on bills or giving, this is what we’ve got left to spend (gas, food, entertainment, etc.).

So what do I mean by mutually submit? Every couple has a spender and saver—and sometimes to more or less varying degrees. Whether you’re one or the other, remember that every financial choice you make affects your spouse. You’re communicating love and respect by how you spend your money (or by what you withhold in spending).

If your spouse has asked you not to purchase something or to be conscious of the “leftover” money this month, then honoring that amount is the way you honor him or her.

And I believe the Lord blesses us, not only when we honor each other with our spending but when we honor Him with our money as well.

I know money isn’t everyone’s favorite subject, but I hope you’ll be encouraged this week. If your bills feel too high, if your savings feels too low—begin to ask the Lord how He wants you to steward your money (and then be obedient! :)).

His word is true. Psalm 23 begins, “The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not lack.”

Believe that, my friends. He will always provide for you!

Getting on the Same Page Re: Finances

One of the most common things that couples fight about is finances. It seems that every time someone talks or writes about finances in marriage, they list lots of statistics about how it’s the biggest cause of divorce, or there are X number of unhappy marriages out of ten because of finances. 

I’m going to spare you that because I don’t think that the money is actually the root cause of the fights. I believe there are two root issues that cause fights about money: communication and selfishness.

I’m going to tackle selfishness first because it is actually less common. Most people want the best for their spouse and their family, and those that don’t usually don’t realize that they are acting in that way. Take a step back and think…Are my recent major purchases for me? Did I make any of them without my spouse’s approval? Are we stretching our finances for something that I really want but don’t actually need?

If you honestly answer yes to any of these questions, well, we all get there at times. I know I have. I drug Laura into a pickup purchase several years ago that was really more than we could afford or needed at that time, and I regretted it for two years before eventually getting into a more sensible vehicle. But when both of you are focused on each other’s happiness, the selfishness ends.

Communication, or lack thereof, is the most common financial stressor. I think that we often avoid conversations because they are tough, or they might lead to a fight. Avoiding a discussion now always leads to a bigger, more difficult one down the road. 

Speaking from experience, it is imperative that both of you are on the same page about your financial goals and your path to get there. Most couples never sit down and have this talk, but it changed our marriage for the better. 

Once you agree on a plan, you can work together to accomplish it. It isn’t always easy; in fact it never is, but when you are on the same page, it is doable. Even if your financial state isn’t great right now, a firm plan is always better than chaos. If you want to read more, I wrote this post on communication awhile back.

I’m praying that this might help you think about your finances as a couple differently. Maybe something about this gave you a nudge or an idea. I’ve included a template spreadsheet like the one we use to manage our finances and how we are progressing toward our goals. 

Everyone is different, so I’m sure you’ll make some changes, but a little structure to start with always helps. May God bless your marriage and your finances.

Howell

@G2WHubs

p.s. If you'd like us to email you the Excel file of the Finances Template, please click the "Contact Us" tab at the top of site. 

Why Vacations Matter

This post was originally published here, on the HCF Blog, Among Women.

Summers were made for vacation, right?

Over on the HCF blog, Jodie Leigh shared great tips for traveling, especially with littles. Being prepared—mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually—is certainly key.

If you’re thinking: “We can’t travel anywhere! We don’t have any money! There’s no time!” my answer to you is this: Make it a priority; it’s worth it!

Vacations offer us a new perspective, rest for our soul, and the opportunity to make memories with our loved ones.

I don’t know why we have to leave town to get that kind of transformation, but we just do.

If you don’t think you have money to spend on vacation, consider this, you’re likely paying for a data plan on a smart phone, a Netflix account and internet, or a cable account—or some combination of all the above.

I’m not suggesting you cancel your cable and take a trip, but we pay for whatever we prioritize.

Howell and I didn’t have a lot of “extra” in our finances during our first few years of marriage, but we were raised in households that vacationed at least once a year. It didn’t have to be anywhere fancy—but getting out of town was a common practice we wanted to continue.

There are plenty of opportunities for vacationing that won’t break the bank:

•           Go somewhere close
•           Stay at hotels or motels that include breakfast
•           Pack lunches
•           Choose cheap entertainment opportunities

The biggest advice I would offer is to plan and save. Sometimes we have a place picked out where we know we want to go, and sometimes we just start to save—putting a few hundred dollars back each month. When we have X amount, we start “shopping” around: Where can we go that includes hotel, gas or flights, meals, etc. for this amount?

We’ve traveled to many great places (London, San Diego, Colorado, the Caribbean—and all over Texas, New Mexico, and Oklahoma, of course!), but the trip with some of our best memories may very well be one of our cheapest vacations.

We went to Fort Davis in our first or second year of marriage. We drove about six hours in the car, so gas was fairly minimal, and we stayed somewhere cheap (but nice enough to include breakfast J). Our entertainment included a lot of free things—touring Fort Davis, hiking outside of Fort Davis, hiking Enchanted Rock, and walking around the shops in town.

We have several funny (and some embarrassing) memories from that trip, and I bet the whole weekend didn’t cost more than $300.

If you plan well and manage expectations (as Jodie suggested), then vacations give us a wonderful opportunity to let go of stress, forget about work and the laundry, and make memories with our family.

Your kids may or may not remember the $100 you spend on their shoes or jeans, but they will remember that time you went to six flags and ate turkey legs together.

Yes, it’s an investment. Yes, it’s time away from work and other responsibilities (and may require that you delegate). But it’s worth it!

______________________________________________________________________________