A Deeper Look at 1 John 4: Love Perfected

Can we be honest? Sometimes when we read 1 John, it feels condemning. One example? “Anyone who does not love does not know God” (4:8).  

Yikes! We can read that and think, well, I’ve sure had plenty of ‘unloving’ moments, so I guess I don’t know God.  

Sigh. Grumble. Grumble. Cry.  

Right?  

But to read and study 1 John, we have to first understand John as a person. He considered himself Jesus’s favorite and repeatedly refers to himself in the book of John as ‘the one Jesus loved.’ Seems pretty bold, huh? 

Actually, John just had a deep, deep, DEEP understanding of who he is in Christ. He is, I think, one of the best pictures of a disciple walking in his identity in Christ. And so yeah, he comes across a little arrogant sometimes, a little over-confident, but if we read his words in the context of his full and complete confidence in who he is in Christ, then we can see why he makes the bold statements that he makes.  

And the more I study him, the more I can see his style of writing, where what feels like a super bold (and condemning) statement is usually explained in more context if we continue reading and also if we make connections from earlier statements to later statements. And always those statements are rooted in an understanding of either who God is or who we are in Christ, as believers with His spirit and new nature.  

I’ve been meditating on chapter 4, specifically verses 16 through 18 because I have been consumed with quite a bit of fear and anxiety lately. It started with verse 18—and again, we can read this and think, gosh, I’m fearful. I guess God’s love is not perfected in me. Sigh. Sigh. Grumble. Grumble. Cry.  

First, we need context. Let’s start in verse 12. It says, “No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.”  

It feels like this means love is perfected in us, if/when we love one another.  

We love >> then God abides >> then love is perfected  

But keep reading... 

John explains how we know that we abide in Him and He in us: we have his Spirit (v. 13), we have the gospel testimony (v. 14), and we confess Jesus as the son of God (v. 15).  

Now we get to what I’ve been meditating on—verses 16 through 18: 

“So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love, abides in God, and God abides in him. By this, love is perfected with us so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment because as He is so are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.”  

After we know that we abide in Him (i.e. we have his Spirit, we believe the gospel testimony, we confess Jesus as the son of God—in other words, we’re born-again believers), THEN we have come to know and to believe the love God has for us (v. 16).  

Now we see that God is love and to abide in love is to abide in God and to have God abide in us.  

THEN is love perfected—“by this...” (v. 17).  

So when John says (v. 18), whoever fears has not been perfected in love, it means he who is fearing/fearful is not abiding in God nor God in Him. There’s a disconnect.  

When we disconnect, we fear. When we fear, we expect punishment. When we expect punishment, we have forgotten the love of God—what we first came to know and believe.  

The more deeply we’re rooted in our identity in Christ, the more fully we accept His love for us, the less likely we will be to walk in fear.  

 

What's Your Knee-Jerk Reaction?

Our fun-loving almost 17-mo-old toddler has started a new thing. When she doesn’t get her way or has a different idea about something, she sits down or lays down and throws a bit of a fit. It is both cute (she’s got that pouty lip, tilted head, and fake tears)—and not, so we’ve recently begun trying to teach her “that’s not how Brandenburgs act.”

Her reaction is so innate, knee-jerk almost, and yet, I’m amazed at how quickly she can change her attitude with a little correction (or our ignoring the little fit). It’s like she jumps up, realizes this is not the way to be, and moves on, happy to play with another toy.

I’ve been thinking about my own knee-jerk reactions I pick up without thinking. I told you that my word this year is Freedom, and as I have sought the Lord to understand what areas in my life I’m experiencing bondage, he has been faithful to show me place after place in my heart that needs to be free.

When I am in bondage to fear, I am not free to live the full and rich life that Christ intended.

Sometimes fear can have other words to describe it like worry or anxiety, and I’m finding that these are my knee-jerk reactions. I pick up worry before I even know it, and I’m sitting in a fit of anxiety before I’ve thought through why I would be anxious when the King of heaven and earth fights for me, provides for me, loves me.

Through my little toddler, the Lord has been showing me, that’s not how the daughter of the King acts. Not when she knows who she is in Christ. Not when she knows who her Heavenly Father is.

I have been meditating on two verses lately: One is from Proverbs 31—and all of us know this woman as the epitome of women, right? It says in verse 25, “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.”

 
The other verse is Psalm 112:6-7: “For the righteous will never be moved; he will be remembered forever. He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.”

So I’ve been thinking about both of these—what would it look like to laugh without fear of the future? What does it mean to never be moved? To never be afraid of bad news? That’s a deep, deep level of trust, right?

What I was thinking about specifically for this post today is the fear of lack or insufficiency. This can be about financial provision, but I was thinking about it more practically for my everyday tasks.

I’m at the end of the semester, which means I’ve got final papers and projects and grades pouring in. And my stress level begins to rise higher and higher.

When I feel myself start to get overwhelmed with work, when I start giving in to that anxiety, I have noticed that really that overwhelmed feeling or stressed out feeling is just a fear of lack.

Lack of time. Lack of mental capacity. Lack of patience. Lack of motivation.

And anytime I’m operating out of a mentality of lack, I’m operating out of fear because I’m making an agreement in my mind that God is not sufficient. That he doesn’t own time. That he doesn’t give me grace and strength and mental capacity. That patience and self-control aren’t fruits of His spirit.

But He is sufficient. And He does own time. And He does give me grace and strength and His own mind, even. Through His Holy Spirit, He has given me love and peace and patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and yes, even self-control.

So as we enter the busy months of April and May, if you’re struggling with the overwhelm of it all, like me, I hope we can practice pausing for a second, recognizing fear for what it is, and choosing instead to walk freely in His truth and His power and His life.

A Year of Freedom

Since 2013, I have asked the Lord to give me a word for each year. This year, I compiled those words in one place—and then sat in awe as I reflected on all the ways the Lord had brought that word to pass, some of which I couldn’t have seen until now.

2013 – brave: The year we moved to Plainview, and I learned how to make new friends. Again.

2014 – grace: The year of multiple failed fertility treatments, including two failed IVF rounds.

2015 – hope: The year I lost all hope in God’s plans for our family.

2016 – redeem: The year He began to heal me and rebuild my faith.

2017 – peace: The year of chaos and changes.

2018 – anticipation: The year He told us a baby was coming in 2019.

2019 – promises fulfilled: The year He brought our precious miracle.

2020 – joy: The year in which I experienced great loss and pain, and yet so much joy.

My word for 2021 is freedom.

Free from fear. Free from offense. Free from other people’s opinions.

Freedom in Christ comes after the good and hard work of healing.

This week, the Lord brought me back to an old blog post I wrote to remind me that He’s healing those places in me that were sad and broken and wounded in 2020.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Ps. 147:3

Heals = râphâh – lit. to mend (by stitching); fig. to cure, heal, repair, make whole

Binds = châbash – to wrap firmly

I love the word pictures in this verse. The word for heal here literally means to stitch or to mend, so when it says God heals the brokenhearted, it means He takes our hearts, and He sews the pieces back together; He carefully, meticulously stitches the broken seams, the tattered and torn places of our hearts.

I don’t sew, but having watching my sister sew (she’s amazing at it!), I know it requires precision and accuracy—it cannot be rushed. And to stitch, to make repairs by hand, is an even slower process. So this work that God is doing when He is healing our broken hearts: it’s careful, it’s calculated—and it’s slow.

But the end result is beautiful because within this same word, râphâh, it means to make whole. So He doesn’t just start stitching and mending and then set us aside to work on someone else. No, He carefully holds our hearts in His hand, and with needle and thread, He sews, He stitches, He mends our brokenness—until we are whole, until we are healed.

The other verb here—to bind—is equally as tender. Literally, this means to wrap up, and the Lord gave me this beautiful picture of taping an ankle that’s been broken or sprained. I don’t know if you’ve ever had the chance to practice wrapping someone’s ankle (or even harder—your own!), such as for an athletic event, but let me tell you, it’s not easy! Those who are skilled in taping ankles will tell you it takes a lot of practice. And what I’ve learned is that there is a definite pattern and technique. You can’t just wrap the tape like so—you have to follow an order, a pattern so that the ankle is tight and secure. Wrapping of this kind is an art.

And in the same way, the Lord takes our wounds, and again, He skillfully and knowingly wraps them; He binds them up in the perfect way, to keep the wound covered, secure, and in place. His binding of our wounds is His protection. He doesn’t leave our wounds gaping open. No, He tenderly wraps them as He knows how and allows our wounds to heal under His protective covering. This, too, takes time.

The beauty of râphâh and châbash is that He holds my heart—and because He mends the brokenhearted, because He binds up the wounded, I am safe and free. This is why the psalmists declare over and over that He is our safe place, our hiding place, our shelter, our protection, our covering.

He holds me and secures me and covers me and protects me—so that I can be free to fully live. Free to fully give. Free to fully believe Him, unrestricted, uninhibited. Because to really believe Him for the desires of our heart—whatever that desire may be—is always a risk, and it’s costly. But, really, it’s a safe bet—even if it doesn’t feel like it:

Because He is for me.

Because He is with me.

Because in Him, I am safe and covered.

In Him, I am free.

A Letter to the Not-Yet Mom

To the Not-Yet Mom from a Not-Yet Mom:

I’ve been on this not-yet journey for seven years, and I was thinking recently about how much pressure I have felt—and sometimes still feel—about all the things I could “do” to make this desire in my heart a reality. (As if I am sovereign, and He is not.)

Do you ever feel that way?

Well-intentioned people will have plenty of suggestions about what you could or should do, like stay away from plastic, gluten, dairy, sugar, diet drinks, and so on. Or they'll suggest a variety of products, vitamins, regimens, etc. because of someone they know who did X or Y, and SHE got pregnant.

That doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of the fertility conversation—what doctor to go to, what hormones to take, what procedures to do.

Here’s the truth: People mean well—they really do. And for the most part, they don’t know what to say or how to help, so they fall back on what they know or have heard, especially if they haven’t actually walked through infertility.

But friends, can I be real with you?

It’s way too easy to get sucked into the “if I do this, then” trap.

Bottom line?

Women get pregnant every day—because God opens their womb and causes them to carry a baby.

The Bible is very clear that God creates and sustains life. No one else. Nothing else. Period.

Read your Sarah stories and Rachel stories and Hannah stories and Elizabeth stories. Want to know why they conceived? Because God opened their womb at the exact moment, at the exact time He said He would.

I’m not saying you can’t take the pills and eat the diet—or even that those things don’t help. (Trust me, I've done them—and am doing them.)

But what I want for you, and for me, is FREEDOM from the pressure that we have to do or be or say just the right things to MAKE this happen in our bodies.

Be prayerful about what you do or don’t do—but the only voice of wisdom you have to hear from is God’s. And fortunately for us, He’s promised to give us wisdom anytime we ask for it (James 1:5).

Rest, my friend, in God’s goodness and in His perfect plan. I know the LAST thing you want to hear right now is to wait on His timing. Believe me, I went through a season where I loathed the phrase. But it’s the truth—He knows what He’s doing.

I’m here if you need me. And I’m always praying—for you and for me.

~

Laura

Celebrating Freedom

Happy Fourth of July!

I am always grateful for the freedom we have in our country, and I know that many times I take it for granted.

The same is true spiritually.

I get so used to being free that I either forget to walk in that freedom, or I take the freedom for granted altogether.

Both of these verses have been on my heart this week as I’ve been thinking about July 4^th and celebrating our liberty:

“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to the yoke of slavery.” (Galatians 5:1)

“For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love, serve one another.”  (Galatians 5:13)

Jesus said, if the Son has set you free, you are free indeed (John 8:36).

What He means is well, you’re free. Forever.

We are no longer slaves but are forever sons and daughters.

When I’m operating out of my flesh—maybe I’m fearful or worried about pleasing people, maybe I’m easily frustrated—I’m not living as a free daughter, no longer under the yoke of slavery.

And when I’m living free, walking in the fullness of all that God says I am, I can use my freedom to serve others.

That’s the purpose, right? We are free to love and to give and to serve.

This week, as we celebrate America’s independence, let’s consider the far greater freedom we have in Christ and use that gift to serve others.

Throwing Stuff Away - Take Two

Remember when I told you that I have a problem with throwing things away—like when the toothpaste tube is squeezed empty, but I keep hoping for one more brush out of it?

Apparently the same applies with shoes.

I like to wear shoes until they haven’t just worn out, they’ve completely broken. And even then, they might be “repaired” for a while.

When Howell met me in college, I was sporting a pair of black heels that were duct taped. That’s right. Duct tape.

It became a running joke over the last several years—the things I duct tape to preserve. Picture frames. Tire fenders. And many, many shoes.

Sometimes when the shoe has broken, I still hold on to it because, well, I’m crazy like that.

I had a pair of tennis shoes that I loved, and when it came time to replace them, I wore the new pair, but still kept the old ones. Then when I got the next pair, well, you can imagine. In fact, until recently I still owned my last five pairs of tennis shoes. (Who does that?) I didn’t wear four out of the five, but by gosh, I kept all five.

The same applies to dress shoes and sandals. With reservations, I share these pictures—one of a broken buckle on a shoe that I paper-clipped and continued to wear for six more months, the other of a broken heal that I taped with a paper towel for cushion (yep, a paper towel…).

So, maybe it’s because I just had a birthday, and I’m getting older now, and I’ve decided to be an adult who buys things, like clothes and shoes and picture frames, but I spent my birthday week (last week J) making some major headway.

First, I spent money on clothes for myself. This is big, y’all. Most of my clothes are hand-me-downs (yes, I’m in my thirties and still gladly accept hand-me-downs J), and I never spend money on myself.

But I went shopping on our girls trip (my sister makes me brave J), and now I have several cute new outfits.

This even spurred me to come home and clean out my closet. I know—shocker. But I refused to add anything new until I’d thrown stuff away.

I not only donated two trash bags of clothes, but I donated an entire trash bag of old shoes (and threw away ten pairs of broken shoes—you read that right: ten).

When my best friend came for my birthday, she took me shoe shopping and bought me a new pair of pumps. My parents also gave me money for shoes, and I bought an additional two pairs this week.

I haven’t read that book about tidying things up, but I’ve got to say, I think she’s on to something.

I enter my closet and feel so happy. It’s lighter and easier to find what I really want. My shoes are only shoes I actually wear.

In a word, it feels like freedom.

I don’t know that I have a good spiritual truth to tie in here (I did that once already), but I’d encourage you—this week, throw something away.

It feels amazing. 

Book Review: Told You Twice

Told You Twice by Kristen Heitzmann
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Told You Twice more than matches the wit and charm of book one in the stellar series that tackles real-world issues while demonstrating the enormity of God's grace and love. If you loved the first book, prepare to fall deeper in love with familiar characters, and expand your arms to embrace another romantic duo equally as enthralling. Heitzmann's novel showcases God's redeeming power for every kind of lost soul. She deftly handles the realism of secular motivations and balances it with subtle but powerful truths of Christian hope and freedom.

As with all her works, Heitzmann creates characters we fall in love with, despite their flaws, weaving each perspective through unexpected twists in her captivating narrative. From character and plot development to dialogue and description, I can't offer enough praise. Heitzmann excels in all four areas when so many contemporary novels sacrifice something for the another. She is truly a master of the writing craft, and this second book in the series is another of her must-reads.

*I was given a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. The opinions expressed here are my own.

_________________________________________________________________

I feel so honored to be entrusted with the task of reviewing this book. If you know me, you know I've been an avid Heitzmann fan for almost 20 years. I've read all of her books as soon as they are released, and then I twiddle my thumbs and check her website incessantly until the next release date.

I've already posted my review (above) on Goodreads and Amazon, but I want to add a few more comments here. 

When I say that Heitzmann is a master of the writing craft, I'm not exaggerating. I'm enthralled by her word play--sometimes fun, sometimes profound. Here are a few of my favorites:

________

"... There's hardly a ripple of uncertainty in anything he does, while I get tangled in all the possibilities." 

"I thought you were matched up on every point."

Exi swiveled the cafe stool. "We're not the same, but complementary. He fills my gaps." 

________

"As the world knows, we started our family prematurely." 

"But look how happy you are. You said in that interview, God makes our mistakes shine."

"I don't recommend making them purpose." 

________

Bo was not the devil Devin thought him, but he could raise hell and make it look like heaven. 

________

Eileen snickered. "All right. Make your play. You already ruffled feathers."

"Some feathers need ruffling. Even favored sons."

"Green isn't your color. And I'm not limited to one pet." 

________

"... We've lost the sense of sex as sacred."

________

His heart flared, but he pressed thoughts of her down where he kept things that hurt. Separation kept her safe. Her safety kept him sane. 

________

If you haven't read Told You So, I recommend reading it first. Then grab your copy of Told You Twice. 

Both books tackle real-world struggles and the beauty of God's grace. 

Happy reading, and stay tuned for Part Two: An Interview with Heitzmann!

Choosing LOVE for your Marriage

Many years ago, I wrote these words in my journal:

“Live by faith. Live by grace. Live fully. You get to choose how you live today.”

[Tweet this.]

I feel like God reminded me of these words last week for a particular area of my life, but I also think these words are especially true for our marriage. I have learned there are a lot of things in my life that I cannot control. I cannot control the traffic lights on the way to work, when I’m running five minutes late. I cannot control when my precious dog tears down our door frame and sets off the alarm because of an unexpected thunderstorm while we are at work (yeah—that happened last week :)). And, most importantly, I cannot control the timing of God’s plan.

But I have also learned that we’re not just puppets on a string. God has given us the ability and the opportunity to choose. We get to make choices every day. We get to choose how we will live our life. We get to choose faith or doubt, life or death, peace or worry, anger or forgiveness. We get to choose!

Most marriages have a partner who is quick to forgive (and usually quick to apologize) and another partner who is not so quick to do either. In our marriage, Howell tends to be the better half—not only is he quick to ask for my forgiveness when he knows I am upset, but he also forgives quickly if I’ve upset him. Within a few minutes of being offended, he can change his whole attitude, extend his forgiveness, and we move on. I, on the other hand, am not always as good at this. Maybe it is a “woman” thing, but it’s harder to just “get over it” (however small “it” is) when he has hurt my feelings. Even though he has apologized. Even though he has asked for my forgiveness. Sometimes, I just say I need space, or I need time.

I’m not saying “time” or “space” isn’t a good thing for some arguments, but God is teaching me that I ought not to need much time or space at all. Time is precious. Each second is a gift. And we are not in control of the seconds, minutes, or hours in our lifetime. But we are in control of our choices. We are in control of how we are going to react or respond. Every minute that I let pass being upset or offended with Howell is time wasted, a gift not spent.

It feels strange at first…when I want to hold on to the “it” and stay mad. But I get to choose life. I get to choose forgiveness. I get to choose joy and love.

It’s so rewarding when you choose to release, to let go. I remember the first time I made the choice. What would normally have been a 10-, 15-, or 30-minute argument was over in two minutes. After I had taken offense over whatever “it” was, I took a deep breath. I closed my eyes. I prayed for grace. And I said, “I forgive you.” Making that choice is always freeing, but it’s truly special when you forgive quickly, when you just release the offense and let God fill your heart with love again. Your spouse will be released, as well.
 
Practice forgiveness in your marriage, always. But also practice making good choices. Choose life. Choose to love your spouse. Choose to live by God’s grace. You get to choose how you live today.